Wider Right
The night is dark and brisk. A lone middle-aged man walking his dog comes into view, walking up to the front of his house. He takes a long moment to admire his visible breath in the cold Buffalo air. He reaches into the mailbox on the front wall of the house. The Mailbox says “Norwood”.
Scott goes in his home. His wife has prepared some hot chocolate for the two of them. She’s even put marshmallows in it. He removes his coat and boots and grabs his sweatshirt and most comfortable baggy grey sweatpants. As he settles into his couch, his wife snuggles up next to him. He puts the footrest up, sets his hot chocolate on the endtable next to him, and lets loose a satisfied sigh. It’s movie night. The best night of the week. The couple takes turns flipping through Netflix, then Hulu, then Amazon, then back to Netflix, before settling in on a cozy Ryan Reynolds rom-com. Scott’s wife looks up at him.
“Are you sure you don’t want to watch the game tonight? I’m okay skipping the movie tonight if you want”.
Scott looks back at her tentative eyes. “Not in the slightest,” he says, putting her at ease. “That time of my life is over. I think they’ll win it tonight and I can always catch the highlights tomorrow”.
The movie is pretty bad but it doesn’t matter. The two of them are cozy and enjoy watching the subpar direction and laughing. Scott flips on the fireplace and the room fills with a cozy warmth. Yet his mind occasionally flips back to the Bills. Tonight they are playing the Chiefs for the right to go to the championship. The stadium is close enough to the house that he can almost imagine he hears the crowd cheering. Kansas City limped into the game with a disappointing offense. Surely the boys can take care of business this time.
The movie ends. His wife gets up and looks at him lovingly. “I’ll see you in bed real soon” she says, winking. She then rips one in his face and runs off cackling. He can’t help but laugh. They have been married for quite some time by now, the time of not farting in front of one another was over a long time ago. He hears her getting ready for bed in the bathroom and he grabs the remote. Well, maybe the game hasn’t ended yet and he can see the last minute or so. He flips it on. The Bills are 3 points behind and have set themselves up for a field goal.
His heart sinks. Then stops. His veins go cold.
He tries to push the button to turn the TV off but he can’t. It’s like he’s frozen back on the cold turf of the stadium again. His eyes refuse to blink and Tyler Bass hits the ball. For the briefest of seconds, his hope swells. The ball is heading true. But just like that it’s over and the wind takes the reigns and whips the ball to the side. The right side. Far wide to the right side.
5 minutes pass. His wife, brushing her teeth, hears a ping noise. Then another. It sounds like Scott’s phone notification sound. The pings continue. They pick up in frequency. A cacophony of pings forces her to stop her electric toothbrush cycle early and step back out to the living room. She sees the phone on the floor. It keeps pinging. She gets a glimpse of the message. It’s from Scott’s work buddy. “Are you okay? I’m so sorry man”
She realizes she does not see Scott. She looks frantically around the room. She calls to him. Her heart races. She finally sees the TV as the Chiefs kneel down in victory formation. Her panic grows. Suddenly she sees it. A dark shape, tucked in the corner of the room, behind the corner plant. “Scott?” she manages to whimper, almost involuntarily. She flips the lights on.
His face is frozen, locked, twisted into a shape that shouldn’t be. His eyes rolled back in his head. His body limp and cold. She touches his hand…and it turns to dust.
Her screams are never heard.
Because the rest neighborhood is also having a simultaneous meltdown over the game.
š
Ah, bless his little Zubaz pants.
(PS: Dude. That was DARRRRRRRRRRK)
Came here to say the same. This needs the ” I like it when the DP gets dark” tag on it….
Wide Right Episode IV: A New Low
Honestly, here in Buffalo I’ve heard a lot more criticism of Diggs dropping that amazing bomb. Everyone just kind of agrees that Bass was trash this year and had expected that kick to be missed.
It wasn’t just that, it seemed like the last three minutes of the game they just wouldn’t take the first down that they could have easily had, they just kept firing it toward the end zone. Whoever called those plays needs to be shaking a cup under a bridge.
Thatās some dark, twisted shit, Dave. For real, are you alright?
The Draw Play – by Stephen King
This was fucking beautiful, right down to the farting
Love the Peppa Pig cameo
Weren’t the Bills up by 4 when they missed wide right though? And wasn’t it like 5 minutes left in the game?
No. They were losing 20-19. The giants took over with 4 seconds left after the missed kick.
No? They were trying to tie the game up with about 2 minutes left
in the original they were behind by a single point at game’s end
This….all of this…..was art in its finest fashion. I’d read this book with no hesitation. When is the netflix adaptation coming?
Honestly though, my heart goes out to Bills fans. I thought surely not….
Where the Wide Right Things Are
The Wide Right Bunch
Easy Wide Righter
One Flew Right of the Cuckoo’s Nest
Ooooh I like this one a lot
Friday Night Wide Rights – “Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t quite get it within the uprights”
The “Team With No Rings” one made me snort coffee. Good thing my office mate wasn’t around.
Couldn’t have happened to a more deserving fanbase, honestly.
Found the Chiefs fan. Or Jets/Pats/Dolphins fan.
Washington football team fan. I just hate whiny, rude fanbases (including our own, lmao)
I would genuinely root for the Giants over the Bills. Maybe not Cowboys though. Definitely not Eagles.
“The movie ends. His wife gets up and looks at him lovingly. āIāll see you in bed real soonā she says, winking. She then rips one in his face and runs off cackling. He canāt help but laugh. They have been married for quite some time by now, the time of not farting in front of one another was over a long time ago.”
I hate how relatable this is
Also the cycling through all the services and settling for something (usually a Hells Kitchen from nine seasons ago, Below Deck, Somebody Feed Phil or if she’s already asleep some rando war doc) to watch together before bed. What’s worse is if there’s something we would enjoy but we’re holding off on so our stepson can watch it but we never do since he’d rather be on his Xbox (there’s a shit ton of sports docs in this category).
Kirk Cousins does seem like he’d be a Creed guy, yeah. That tracks.
It’s because Kirk said he likes to pump up players in the Vikings locker room with “Higher”, but yeah it didn’t surprise me to find out.
This one got the biggest laugh out of me. Iām already dreading the concert at SPAC my wife is forcing me to go to this August. I forget who else is van on the bill but itās a murders row of early aughts hunger dunger dang butt rock.
The Kirk Cousins review is just perfect
Speaking of which, I wonder whatever happen to that Bills fan in a YT comments section in a Norwood video who coped by claiming that the Bills won AFL titles before the Giants existed.
Ignoring that NFL existed before the SB era and the AFL.
Any ideas for Hong Kong category 3 movie title for the Bills?
I got one…
The Kick Behind the Right