Welcome to Football Jeopardy!
Other Questions in the Bad Quarterbacks Jeopardy category:
This Bearded Quarterback has proven time and time again to be a bust but the Jets keep starting him
This Quarterback ran into a butt
This Quarterback was so fat he ate himself out of the league
This Quarterback might have been good, but then he went to the Browns (Multiple answers accepted)
This QB isn’t the GOAT (Jeopardy daily double)
Last year it was hard to look at the Texans and not think “Man, this team might be able to compete if they just had a starting quarterback”. They reached the playoffs (at the top of a bad division, to be fair) with Brian Hoyer and Brandon Weeden at QB. They had the best defender in football on the team. They had a solid overall defense. They had one of the best WRs in the game (Nuk). This was a team primed to win. So they paid Brock Osweiler.
And they are actually worse on offense now. Hoyer and Weeden were better than the guy they just paid 72 million dollars pretty much sight unseen. Brock Osweiler is terrible. All the Texans needed was someone middle of the road. Just someone to hand it off to Miller and launch the ball deep to DeAndre Hopkins once a drive. He’d catch at least 50% of those. Brock can’t even do that! His average distance thrown is probably shorter than he is tall. He gets balls repeatedly batted despite being the size of a giraffe. Hopkins has vanished, Fuller is being wasted, and a stellar defense missing JJ Try Hard is being wasted as well. The Titans might win the division. Goddamn Scott Tolzien for the Colts looked better than Brock has this year. Scott Tolzien! The Texans might have already won the division with Scott Tolzien.
So now the Texans are screwed for another season and a half (I think Brock can easily get cut after 2 years with his contract) and we all get to sit back and wonder how good this team would be with a competent QB for just a little longer.
Also, in regards to the comic’s appearance, I just wanted to try something different.
As a Broncos fan who wasn’t on the Boss Rockweiler hype train, let me just say this:
Denver could have had Russ Wilson instead, and that ain’t even hind sight talkin: I was piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissed on draft day when we took Osweiler instead. Screw John Fox forever.
Enjoy our trash, Houston, as thanks for firing Kubiak.
Russell Wilson: Slayer of Broncos.
To be perfectly fair, EVERY team could have had Russell Wilson, at least once, with most teams passing at least twice and some of them more than twice.
And don’t feel too bad – sure, picking the Brock Lobster before Hustle and Bustle is pretty bad in hindsight, but at least you didn’t take Brandon “The Ginger Cringer” Weeden in the first round!
God bless the Browns – every other teams Silver Lining.
The Jaguars drafted a punter. A FREAKING PUNTER. before Russell Wilson was drafted…
I’ve got news clippings at home where Carol was CRUCIFIED for wasting a pick on Wilson after paying for Flynn
“This Bearded Quarterback has proven time and time again to be a bust but the Jets keep starting him”
Who is, Ryan Fitzpatrick?
“This Quarterback ran into a butt”
Who is, Mark Sanchez?
“This Quarterback was so fat he ate himself out of the league”
Who is, Jamarcus Russell?
“This Quarterback might have been good, but then he went to the Browns (Multiple answers accepted)”
Who is, Colt McCoy?
“This QB isn’t the GOAT (Jeopardy daily double)”
That can’t be Tom Brady…Who is, Joe Montana?
I’ll take superfluous commas for $400, Alex.
Oh look, the Daily Double!
“This Quarterback was so fat he ate himself out of the league”
Funny, I was thinking this answer was The Round Mound of Touchdown, Jared Lorenzen himself.
The Hefty Lefty! We’d also take the Throwin’ Samoan.
“This Quarterback might have been good, but then he went to the Browns (Multiple answers accepted)”
Who is Bernie Kosar?
I sherioushly doubt you’d take Ryan Leaf, Trebek. You should learn from Shan Diego’sh mishtakesh.
Leaf was good for 2 games
Brock lobster was good for 0
Big Ben is the GOAT
200 HUNDRED WINS BABY, WOOOOOOO!
Please continue to provide the haterade.
Nolan Ryan won 300 games, but he’s still the most overrated pitcher in baseball history.
ho ho, $69, look who thinks he’s clever dave
Yes awesome, but there was a missed Gronkortunity somewhere.
also why did the NES cartridge in panel 3 disappear from his hands in panel 4 then reappear in panel 6
Thats a phone buddy.
shit, just revealed my age bracket
I never understood the Osweiler hype. The money and the hype would lead you to believe this guy is some kind of test tube baby that has the DNA of all the greatest QBs to play the game. This is the same guy who had to replace the corpse of Peyton Manning because he was playing terribly, only to then be replaced by Peyton because his play was far worse. Did everyone expect him to suddenly become an elite QB over the offseason?
But Tyler, he’s very very tall. So, you know. He’s tall.
You know what? Your right! How could I not realize this! That’s a complete game changer!
Can we get Yao Ming to be the qb
Poor Spilly. Didn’t even get a chance to answer a question.
I want to play football meme jeopardy so badly now
Houston was in four abusive relationships with four bad quarterbacks last season. They were left tattered, broken and vulnerable. They drowned their sorrows at a bar, where they met Brock Osweiler. The beer goggles led them to believe he was the next Joe Montana.
Who is Ryan Fitzpatrick?
Who is Mark Sanchez?
Who is Jamarcus Russell?
Who are (among others) Colt McCoy, Brady Quinn, and kinda Johnny Manziel?
Who is Tom Brady?
It’s always more funny when everybody knows the guy isn’t gins do well. He does better with a laser pointer in his face than without.
The Arena guys (Dan Radnbaugh from the Philly soul, Nick Davila from Zona, Tommy Grady (who is taller than Brock lobster at 6’8″”), Quienten Flowers from south florida, John Elway right now, JaMarcus and Jason Boltus, the fat guy that stalks Aaron Rodgers from the state farm commercials, Hefty Lefty, and even the 75 year old manager at your local red lobster are better than Brock lobster
Hey, Texans fans – we’ll hook you up with Mike Glennon for a 2nd rounder…
Fun fact: David Johnson, a running back, has more receiving yards than DeAndre Hopkins, and is also tied with him for catches and TDs as well. This is the same Hopkins who put up elite numbers with Brandon Weeden, TJ Yates, and Brian Hoyer at QB.
That’s right, the Texans have finally found a quarterback bad enough to break DeAndre Hopkins.
As a fan of the team that overpaid Matt Flynn to do nothing, I can’t laugh at them too much
Matt Flynn earned less in his whole stint in Seattle than Brocko’s yearly average.
Well, at least the Hawks recognized their mistake early on and never started him
Brock is poop and I hope he gets hurt. It’s time for the league to be Savaged
Sam’s finger looks like Derek Carr’s
I like how Spilly is just a lego person. Keeps it faithful to his pfp
the 41 year old qb of the Ottawa redblacks?
Sweet Grezesezes, Dave.
I find it tragic that the Football gods have deemed to break every Houston QB, weather mentally (Carr) or physicly (Schaub) who showed any signs of progress/ established himself as an Elite QB (Schaub lead the league in passing one year, and is tied with Warren Moon with the most passing yards in one game post-merger).
And now its kinda comedic that the first ironman QB they get is by far the worst to ever suit up for them, I pray that the o-line gives up and just lets him get hit ala Fig Newton until he can’t fucking get up.
I’ve watched a couple of games (after they’re over, on youtube, I ain’t watching the NFL after what the refs did to the the texans in mexico) and I think we are the only team that boos their starting QB right now, I’m proud of it.
Brock Osweiler is literally Christian Ponder + 5 inches + $62 million