WEEK 2 CARTOON BETS – COMEBACKS GALORE
WEEK 2 IN THE BOOKS! Sort of. We have *checks notes* two simultaneous games on tonight? What the fuck?
The Superbowl Hangover. It’s real, isn’t it? The Bengals are having a bad time. They looked like butt against the Steelers for 3 quarters, forced overtime, then lost anyway. This week they got a massively lucky roll of the dice and got the Cooper Rush Cowboys…and they looked like butt for 3 quarters, tied it up in the 4th on a last-minute drive, and then lost anyway. The defending AFC champions are not having a good time. Luckily for the Bengals, the entire division lost this weekend! You could argue they were the 3rd most embarassing loss of the division!
The Steelers continue to be absolutely owned by Bill Belichick. Mike Tomlin cannot outcoach Belichick to save his life. The Steelers cannot beat the Patriots. It’s pathetic. The Steelers, even without TJ Watt, should have been able to handle the Patriots. The Patriots handled them instead. Woeful. But that was the cleanest loss of the division. After the Bengals failure, we have the Ravens and Browns with absolutely unbelievable collapses.
The Ravens are the less embarassing loss of the two. They put up a ton of points and looked good, then the defense left the field early and the Dolphins just kept scoring over and over and over and look at that, Tua is good! Surround Tua with good players and a solid offseason and what do you know, he’s great. The Ravens should be thankful that the Browns exist, because holy moly.
Anytime before this season if this happened to the Browns we’d laugh, but it would be a pity laugh. A sad laugh. Now? No pity at all. Relished every second of that collapse. Let’s recap. The Browns punched in a TD to go up 30-17 with less than 2 minutes left. The Jets, with no timeouts, had 1:55 to score at least 13 points. They only needed 1:33. A quick 66-yard TD followed by an onside kick, followed by another quick drive, and the go-ahead TD. The Jets then intercepted Brissett to seal it. Unbelievable loss. There are probably fans who left after the Chubb go-ahead TD, got in their car, turned on the radio, and heard they lost. Hilarious. The Browns will always be the Browns.
But the comebacks didn’t stop there. The Cardinals forced a wild drunken comeback against the Raiders to give the Raiders their biggest choke in history by 20 points. The Falcons almost managed to come back from 28-3 against the Rams. The Commies almost managed to come back against the Lions, who look pretty legit in the quarters they decide to play.
In the other games this weekend, we had some fun results. The Colts continue their losing streak in Jacksonville. The Chargers continue to Charger. The Broncos might be absolutely terrible, and no win came with less enthusiasm than the 16-9 “win” against the Texans. The Giants had their second week in a row where they couldn’t do a single thing right in the first half, only to come out in the second half and look like the better team. Tom Brady finally beat New Orleans in the regular season and he might also be losing his marriage. Lastly, the Seahawks proved themselves fraudulent and the Trey Lance era is going to have to wait till next season. Poor kid.
CARTOONS!
WEEK 3 PICKS!
So this week is going to be a bit on the wild side. I’m taking a vacation in the mountains for the week, starting Friday. I will not have access to my computer, but I will have access to TV and internet. So I’m going to try something. I’ll bring my sketchbook, and try to draw the cartoons…MANUALLY. Like a caveman. I also will try to draw next week’s comics manually. We’ll see how it goes. So keep this in mind: these are gonna look a little different.
STEELERS @ BROWNS
This week is a nightmare of matchups I can’t call very easily. The Steelers? They almost lost week 1 then did lose week 2. The Browns? Same deal. The game is in Cleveland, so I guess I’ll just go with Cleveland for now.
If the Steelers win, I will draw a steel beam crushing the Brownie
BILLS @ DOLPHINS
I haven’t seen the Bills play the Titans yet, so I reserve to change this pick, but for now Bills
If the Dolphins win, I will draw a Dolphin giving Josh Allen an enema
BENGALS @ JETS
The Jets can’t possibly beat the entire state of Ohio, can they? The Bengals can’t lose this, can they? If they do, it’s panic time.
If the Jets win, I will draw Joe Flacco peeing on the state of Ohio
RAIDERS @ TITANS
Kind of reserving this to see how the Titans look against the Bills, but I’ll still go Titans here. EDIT, so the Titans might be shit, but I’ll give them this chance to save themselves
If the Raiders win, I will draw Derek Car running over Derrick Henry
SAINTS @ PANTHERS
Jameis is apparently playing with back fractures. Seems bad. The Panthers are playing with Matt Rhule. Seems worse.
If the Panthers win, I will draw Matt Rhules For NFL Success
RAVENS @ PATRIOTS
The Ravens need to play a complete game but John Harbaugh lives for the Patriots matchups and I think they still have the better team here.
If the Patriots win, I will draw the state of Massachusetts with a massive dick
LIONS @ VIKINGS
The Lions have a squad. The Vikings do too, as long as they aren’t in primetime. I like drawing Dan Campbell so I’ll pick the Vikes and hope the Lions actually are for real.
If the Lions win, I will draw Dan Campbell as the hulk
EAGLES @ COMMIES
I think the Eagles are winning the East
If the Commies win, I will draw Carson Wentz punching an Eagle in the balls
CHIEFS @ COLTS
The Colts are not good
If the Colts win, I will draw Matt Ryan as a centaur
TEXANS @ BEARS
The Bears are young but full of hope. The Texans are young and full of despair
If the Texans win, I will draw Davis “The Neck” Mills as The World Serpent
JAGUARS @ CHARGERS
Herbie is hurt and the Jaguars have some fight in them, but this is a meaningless afternoon matchup that no one will watch. That’s the kind of game the Chargers win.
If the Jaguars win, I will draw Trevor Lawrence looking more beautiful in a shampoo ad than Herbie
RAMS @ CARDINALS
The Cardinals took 7 quarters before they remembered they were supposed to be good to start the year. I’m going to be bold…nevermind the Rams win
If the Cardinals win, I will draw Mean McVay impaled on a cactus
PACKERS @ BUCS
The Packers are going to have a hard time against that Bucs defense but I feel like Rodgers is going to out spite the goat here
If the Bucs win, I will draw Tom Brady as a goat
FALCONS @ SEAHAWKS
Two underachieving bird teams. I think the Hawks are gonna take it, on second thought
If the Falcons win, I’ll draw a Falcon defeating a Seahawk in a dogfight
49ERS @ BRONCOS
If you love bad coaching, the Broncos are this year’s headquarters for baffling decisions. Nate Hackett looks in way over his head.
If the Broncos win, I will draw Russ as a centaur, but his lower half is a Bronco (the vehicle)
COWBOYS @ GIANTS
The Cowboys defense is actually pretty stout. The Giants offense, despite having some life in the second half of games, has some issues it needs to work through. The Cowboys looked competent enough with Rush under center that I think this is a matchup problem. Should be a defensive, low-scoring affair that makes us all hate watching NFCE primetime football.
If the Giants win, I will draw Daniel Jones, Vanilla Vick
Discussion (28) ¬
The Packers play in Florida. LaFleur and Rodgers always have been shit in Florida.
In other words, Dave you will (unfortunately) have to draw Brady as a goat once again.
Your caption for the lions game is the same as the patriots one.
The Pats/Steelers description box was re-superimposed over the the Lions/Commies cartoon. Which is a shame as the Campbell/Goff Agit Prop poster is some of your finest work.
justin fields deserves the chance to develop under good coaching, would be a match of good potential if daboll could get him to the giants
“The Panthers are playing with Matt Rhule. Seems worse.”
Every time Matt Rhule was on screen during that game, his expression screamed “I don’t know where I am, who I am, or what’s going on.”
The Lions, Jets, and Jags all won games in the same week and that’s not even the craziest part.
Joe Flacco has won a game.
In 2022.
Let that sink in for a second.
The Elite Dragon remembered that he used to own the Browns juuust in time for one of the most satisfying comeback wins in recent memory
Lets see if he can do the same vs the Bengal
My thought process with Carolina is that the 2013 Panthers (Rivera’s third year, like Rhule) also started 0-2. Then they finished 12-4. So that means that if history repeats, we’re about to enter the Riverboat Rhule era.
I don’t expect history to repeat
Dave, as a request, what if you make one of the week’s theme that of physical us states, landmarks, or cities beating or shitting on each other? Sort of like the Mass theme for week 3, but across the board.
DUMBASS WHY WOULD YOU PICK THE BROWWS
he knows they’ll lose, he just wants the excuse to draw his bet
you sure about that one smart guy?
Hey buddy, just popping in to say
wanna talk about it?
Owned
Oh man, I hate both the Broncos and Jimmy Rustle, but that’s a pic I’d like to see.
That Detroit picture is just chefs kiss*, truely one of your all time great drawings. Oddly enough (since division rivalry and all) the Dallas one is also pretty good
I just hope you got some good pads laying around Dave, the Giants being 2-0 is gona make the inevitable gut punch so so much worse….
Also holy moly, did yall see the end of the Jets-Browns games on Redzone? The Browns got outbrownsd by the Jets so bad, smh they cant even suck properly anymore. The cherry on top of they schadenfreude cake was some kids brought down to celebrate the win on the field during the 2 minute break and they looked hella confused when the Jets scored to take the lead. Then the interception happened and they cut back to them and you could just see the sadness and despair oozing out of their little faces….shit was hilarious 😀
I know they are too young to understand the backstory (probably) but I couldnt help but think “thats what you get for staning the Brownies, better get used to it quick”
4 quarters, 12 minutes.
That was the length of the Trey Lance Era 1.0.
Hopefully he can come back next season and play ̶a̶t̶ ̶l̶e̶a̶s̶t̶ ̶a̶ ̶g̶a̶m̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶a̶ ̶h̶a̶l̶f̶ like the team leading quarterback he was drafted to be.
It doesn’t matter what happens tonight, pick the Bills. They suck against Tennessee for some reason but they own the Dolphins. I don’t think Allen has a loss against us, it’s weird
You gotta sell that Detroit one as a t shirt. Dan Campbell would rock it.
Baker gave me hope for Carolina, but that’s fading quickly. It feels like there is so much talent there and yet the Panthers keep floundering.
The Bears look bad and after the early success from the Lions, I’m dry heaving thinking that we could be dead last in the North this year. /r/NFCNorthMemeWar would never let me forget it.
If for whatever reason you want to believe Baker is a potential franchise QB (I personally do not), then I guess the biggest positive to take away is that regardless of stats, they lost their first two games by a pair of 55+ yard field goals. Oddly, the Giants lost this exact same game to the Panthers in 2018, a 63 yard record-breaking kick by Gano. Funny how history comes back like that.
I mean the issue with Carolina is obviously starting at coach, everything wrong stems from Rhule
That Lions drawing is top notch
I echo Dave’s Browns sentiment above. The BEST thing so far about renouncing my Browns fandom is I got a good old schadenfreude gut-laugh out of that epic choke to the Jets.
Last year, that woulda bummed me out for weeks….
This is the first week I have wanted the Steelers to win since Big Ben was credibly accused of rape. I need a shower.
How about Miami’s punter hoofing the enema up Allen’s ass?
Seems like a safe bet to bet against the Chiefs whenever they play the Colts. This weirdo team always seems to have Kansas City’s number