WEEK 15 PICKS! Merry Coronamas
So 4 games have yet to be played due to multiple teams getting hit hard by positive covid tests. Doesn’t feel right to complete this post and type out every pick with so many games still on the line. So the final version of this post will be updated for Wednesday and on Friday I will be doing the Christmas Cards! So, weird week. Also, I’ll be taking next week off to enjoy the holiday week before the new year, but I’ll still do the Picks post, just no comics.
Things we can say: the Cardinals are frauding again. Little miss hotshot team started strong and fell apart last year to miss the playoffs. They probably won too much so far this year to pull that off again, but it’s hard to not be worried about this franchise after losing to the Lions in such an embarrassing fashion. The Lions are a JV team and they stomped the Cardinals. Jared Goff styled on the birds. The Cardinals were playing to clinch a playoff berth and have yet to lose a game on the road this year, and boom. A disgrace. Losing to the Rams is one thing. Losing to the Lions should be a massive red flag.
The Patriots finally dropped the game I was expecting them to. They have a bad run defense and while this is still a solid team overall, they aren’t invincible. The Chiefs are now back on top the conference after that slow start. At least the Chargers are making it interesting.
I think the Titans and the Ravens are probably toasted come the playoffs unless they play each other. Both are well-coached franchises that are just depleted and dealing with too many handicaps.
The Giants clinched their fifth 10-loss season in a row. Ben McAdoo is the best coach we’ve had in the post-Coughlin era. We’re back in the 70’s. This is probably the least interested I’ve been in my own team since…ever? I feel bad for all the players and I just want to see what mediocre hires we make next so I can look forward to that falling apart by 2024 too. Absolute apathy. I watched 2 minutes of the game against the Cowboys and then flipped over to watch the Lions instead. If I didn’t have a passion for football overall I’d be doing something else with my Sundays until this team does something worthwhile. I don’t even want to touch the whole Free Medium Soda for Season Ticket holders thing, that was a Snyder-esque level of fan insult and it’s depressing to see us fall that far.
Urban Meyer called his coaching staff a bunch of losers even though he hired them. He appears to be right though. The Jags couldn’t even beat the Texans with the post-firing win bump.
I did pretty good so far, and if I get more wrong after this it will be updated by Wed.
UPDATE: I got all the remaining 4 games right so I could have just made the post Monday, lol.
WEEK 16 – HOLIDAY WEEK
This week might also go screwy thanks to the NFL having a full-on Covid outbreak. I may have to adjust my picks accordingly.
49ERS @ TITANS
The 49ers are surging into the playoffs a strong contender to potentially make some noise. Maybe not Super Bowl levels of noise, but upset someone in the wildcard levels of noise. The Titans are floundering around, waiting to die. I feel robbed of what should have been the Derrick Henry destruction season.
If the Titans win, I will draw Ryan Tannehill as a country music santa
BROWNS @ PACKERS
Poor Browns, man. They got slammed with injuries this year as well as a Covid outbreak, and they also got hit with a tough schedule. They are technically in last place at 7-7. They picked the wrong time in the division to be good. The Packers are doing just fine.
If the Browns win, I will draw Flo from Progressive choking Jake From State Farm with xmas lights
COLTS @ CARDINALS
The Colts are surging, the Cardinals are struggling. I’m going for the upset pick.
If the Cardinals win, I will draw Cardinal Murray on a xmas tree
LIONS @ FALCONS
The Lions shocked the league last week. That was probably a fluke trap game though, and I expect the perfectly lame Falcons to win a meaningless game to ruin their draft spot a bit more.
If the Lions win, I will draw Dan Campbell cooking a falcon for xmas dinner
RAMS @ VIKINGS
The Vikings are a team of chaos this year and they have experience versus Stafford, but I can’t pick the Vikings to win this.
If the Vikings win, I will draw Kirk’s Phat Dumpy not making it down the chimney
JAGS @ JETS
The Jags couldn’t even win without the burden of Urban. The Jets need something positive and they kinda gave Miami a fight.
If the Jags win, I will draw Trevor Lawrence peeing “fuck u Urbs” in the snow
GIANTS @ EAGLES
If the Giants throw Mike Glennon out there again I might throw up. At least give Fromm a chance to suck.
If the Giants win, I will draw a festive Joe Judge holding a Charlie Brown xmas tree with a W on it
BILLS @ PATRIOTS
The Bills have crumbled under the expectations of being a contender. The Patriots stayed the course and are the better team. Maybe we’ll actually see some passing this time.
If the Bills win, I will draw Josh Allen as santa, his sleigh a wagon, and the reindeer as buffalo
RAVENS @ BENGALS
The Ravens keep staying in games despite being so depleted it is almost inspiring. I wish they’d actually win a couple of these 2pt conversion attempts though so the anti-stat boomer crowd will stop acting smug about it. Going for 2 to win the game owns.
If the Ravens win, I will draw Christmas Crab doing a jig
CHARGERS @ TEXANS
Sorry Texans, back to the loser pit with you
If the Texans win, I will draw Jack Easterby as krampus
BUCS @ PANTHERS
The Bucs are losing their weapons but lucky for them, the Panthers have no idea what they are doing
If the Panthers win, I will draw Cam Newton laughing at Tom Brady, with tongue stuck to a telephone pole
BEARS @ SEAHAWKS
The Seahawks clinched their first losing season with Russ. The Bears are just going through the motions. Somebody has to win this? Go Hawks I guess.
If the Bears win, I will draw child Justin Fields opening a present of Matt Nagy being fired soon
BRONCOS @ RAIDERS
The Raiders don’t get enough credit for collapsing in the second half of the season on a regular basis.
If the Raiders win, I will draw Derek Carr using his red rider BB gun to shoot Drew Lock’s eye out
STEELERS @ CHIEFS
The Steelers are destined to finish 8-8-1. They are currently 7-6-1. This will put them at 7-7-1.
If the Steelers win, I will draw Ben roasting Chiefnuts on an open fire
TEAM @ COWBOYS
This matchup a couple of weeks ago was hilariously one-sided. I doubt this week goes any better, and this time it is in Dallas.
If the TEAM wins, I will draw the FedEx sewage leak turning into a beautiful icicle display
DOLPHINS @ SAINTS
The Dolphins gotta win everything they can if they want that chance. This is when it gets hard. The Saints, Titans, and Patriots will test this team’s actual abilities. I think this is where the climb plateaus and the hole they dug themselves proves too deep.
If the Dolphins win, I will draw a Dolphin spurting Happy HoliDolphins out of it’s blowhole
Also, since many of these games will be happening the Sunday after xmas, the post will likely be delayed till Tuesday.
Seeing that terrifying centaur isn’t worth the Pats losing, but it’s a nice consolation prize.
Fins-Jets was a weird one. Didn’t feel like either side wanted it. Still, after going 1-7 we’re back at .500, largely on y back of an easy run.
Six on the spin after that soul-crushing 7-loss streak is not to be sniffed at, but I don’t think we’ll win out. The Smugcheats will be resting up in Wk18, but I think Tennessee will be tough. They’re still jockeying for the bye. Saints are hanging on by their fingernails too, so next week I think this run ends.
Jets should have ended it. Jets would have ended it for Miami teams of years past. New Orleans will be rough, but their offence is as bad as their defence is good. Tennessee might have King Henry back, but it’s still a big if and it’d be his first game back. Tannekill is as liable to kill us as he is to kill the Titans without Henry at the height of his powers. I’d put both games as pick ’ems and therefore a 25% chance the Week 18 game against the Pats means anything for us. It WILL 100% be meaningful for the Pats though – they will be vying either for the first seed or the division lead depending on the result of next week’s game against the Bills. Best case scenario for us is that this game determines whether we or they make the 7th seed. In short, there is next to no chance we sweep the cheaters, so let’s just enjoy sweeping the Jets and having meaningful December games. Hopefully next season we won’t have the potential trade for a rapist hanging over the team for the first half of the season and we can start better than 1 and fucking 7
Goofasa!
I’m not sure if Davis Mills is holding every thought in existence or not a single thought in the world behind that expression.
With the extended neck he looks like a refugee from the famous Browns QB hydra of a few years back.
I feel like Wentz-taur’s body should be red not white.
I agree with you in theory, but I’m guessing he didn’t do that because then he wouldn’t be 100% Colts colors.
Something tells me that next year Davis Mills will be given the starting job for good. I think he has potential
Might need to adjust your Chiefs/Steelers pick. The Chiefs COVID list is starting to look a lot like their depth chart.
wheres the comic?
I think backing the colts may cause Dave to grow a malignant tumour. The only explanation at this point
Hey Dave, here’s your pool update post week 14:
I see that you changed your pick from WFT to PHI. I could swear I checked that at some point on gameday but I didn’t see it in time, so your WFT pick stands, unfortunately. I’ll add another asterisk to the pile.
Going into the Tuesday games, you were sitting on a 10, in a 5-way tie for the top score of the week. Oddly enough, also in that tie were the two other Daves in the pool. When people get into big ties going into MNF, we often see people switch their Monday pick to the underdog in an effort to steal away the weekly prize for themselves.
With that said, one of the other Daves decided to take a chance on Seattle, which obviously didn’t work out for them. Since I still had you at WFT, I thought this might be your chance for glory, to win a week all by yourself and cover the buy-in! But alas, WFT couldn’t get it done.
Your 11* was only bested by three others, and unfortunately was tied with the two players currently tied for first, so no ground gained on the lead, but you did make up significant ground on some of the players ahead of you. Overall you’re at 137**, alone in 8th place. The two-way tie for first has 146.
Oops, make that week 15.
I hope all your picks are wrong simply because the drawings this week sound amazing.