The Draw Play

About half a decade ago the people finally won the fight against the mess that had become the “excessive celebration” penalty. The restrictions on celebrations had gotten absolutely absurd. You couldn’t celebrate with other players, you had to be fast, with absolutely no questionable gestures. Some of the things that were getting called were insulting. The NFL finally listened and lifted the ban. All the whiney babies who hated players having any sort of fun were extremely mad…and then were silent as the world seemed to move on. As soon as all these celebrations were legal, it was fine! A tiny amount of grumbling at best. I don’t even register celebrations half the time now. I was glad we got over that pointless bump and weren’t reduced to every player acting exactly like Barry Sanders and quietly giving the ball to the official after every cool play.

The thing is, it kind of feels like the conservative anti-fun brigade simply kept quiet and looked for a new avenue of complaint and now celebration bitterness is coming back in a more subtle form. It started with taunting penalties.

Taunting is a grey area. I’m all for it. It’s competition, emotions are high; let the player shit talk. Taunting crosses a line when certain language is used (we can’t hear it, so we have to trust a ref knows, which I can accept), obscene gestures or unnecessary physical contact is involved. I see nothing wrong with banning very obscene gestures and words. Probably not a good idea to let players throw the bird at each other constantly or scream slurs. Hot mics already catch a fair number of Shits and Fucks on a broadcast. They probably also shouldn’t let players physically impose contact on other players because that can start fights. But some of the stuff that gets called for taunting is just as stupid as the celebration penalties. Guys have been called for staring at other players from yards away or making perfectly ordinary gestures from a distance. I’ve seen very few taunting penalties that felt like they deserved to get flagged. Most involved physical contact with the player going out of their way to get in the other player’s face.

Taunting penalties did seem to slow down a bit though. So a new problem has crept in. Football leagues, college and pro, are now starting to crack down on “violent” celebrations. Finger Guns are now illegal. Sometimes even pointing is illegal. That tweet is Giants WR Darius Slayton getting sassy about how he was flagged for his pointing gesture after making a first down but Mahomes and company were not. Fuck off with this. You will not take Finger Guns from me. Finger Guns are the best. Every person on the planet has done finger guns. Finger Guns are one of those classic gestures. I can kind of get the argument of violence if the finger guns are pointed and “fired” at a player, like a taunt, and the taunter mimics shooting the other player. I can see why that might be bad taste and probably should be discouraged, but a lot of the guys who got flagged are like Slayton: just kinda pointing down the field. A long tradition of pointing forward in the direction of your goal after you get a first down.

I write this post the same night after the Vikings and Rams played an atrociously officiated game that ended with Sam Darnold getting his facemask whipped around violently in his own endzone for a safety with two referees staring directly at him and not throwing the flag. The officiating in games is so fucking bad and we are now making them make judgment calls on if they think a silly taunt is over the line. The officiating is broken and needs fixing, the issue is not fucking Finger Guns.

Also the NFL announced Machine Gun Kelly is doing the halftime show for the Germany game. Are they going to rename him Massive Hugs Kelly or something?