Tom Coughlin Is Lost
If you watched the Tom Coughlin “A Football Life” episode you might remember that he was unemployed for a season after he was fired by the Jaguars, but he still went to the NFL combine and scouted players. Tom Coughlin is without a job now and I wonder if he’s slowly going stir crazy. Despite appearances there seem to be some hints he didn’t take the firing well (still hard to say how true those stories might be) and he hasn’t been picked up by anyone yet. I expected someone to possibly give him a shot, or for him to end up in a front office somewhere like Bill Parcells with the Dolphins. Vice president of football operations or some bogus title like that. But so far, nothing. He’s an old man who seems to care more about football than anything else. It’s been his life’s work and now he’s basically an empty nester. I wonder how many retirees struggle with this. I don’t know, I’m still young and sexy.
Maybe he should take up painting. Or yelling at children to get off his lawn. Or yelling at children to run the right routes. No, come on you stupid kid, you gotta turn your hips and attack the ball. Is that a tattoo? What would your mother think? Don’t drink and drive you dumb kids. I picture Tom Coughlin in a retirement community trying to coach other old people into being professional shuffleboard players. Fred has a stroke and shows up late to a meeting and Coughlin cuts him. Wendy drops the shuffleboard pole and she’s benched for the season. They get all the way to the neighborhood championship and beat that rascal Roland’s team from Pine View Heights retirement center. The next season they suck.
Basically take my old Sean Payton comics and replace Payton with Tom Coughlin, but older and fartier.
We need hobo Payton to meet Tom Coughlin, and maybe Fabio for the Bills
Also, are squirrels the new FART
This is furry porn.
No, it would be furry porn if they weren’t squirrels but people dressed as squirrels
He means it’s porn made for furries to watch
Yeah, what you said.
Never took Dave for a furry.
Guessing the two squirrels humping each other is the new “Sexy Rexy”? I’m down with this.
Agreed. Squirrels are DTF on the DP.
Dave and I came to a compromise on the Arena stuff… once per week. Normally it will be thursday. Even though I already did the recaps for week 7 on Tuesday, I’ll still do it today for the previews, but next Saturday and Tuesday will have no arena stuff, unless Dave makes an arena comic (actually kind of surprised he didn’t make one about yesterday’s comments)
On to the previews
I really appreciate how everyone knows how to adult on here. Good on ya Dave and DM’s ring for the compromise.
0-6 Portland Steel at 2-4 J’ville Sharks (Saturday, 7:30pm, ESPN3):
Jacksonville is always a good game no matter who they’re playing, and Portland played their best game of the season during their first trip to the sunshine state (wk2, 50-53 at Orlando), and now that Portland has a real qb, the Steel could walk away with their 1st win. Steel by 7
7-0 Orlando Preds at 6-1 Philly Soul (Saturday,7:30pm, CBS Sports Network):
This is easily the game of the week and it’s ACTUALLY ON TV. I know this sounds like I’m repeating myself from the Preds-‘Zona game, but it’s amazing that the game of the week has been on tv 4 weeks in a row. Soul has nothing new, but usually can beat the Predators, who almost lost to Tampa. Soul by 10.
3-3 L.A. KISS at 5-2 ‘Zona Rattlers (Saturday, 9pm, ESPN3):
Rematch of wk2 game in LA (69-27 ‘Zona), ‘Zona=Pats. The Arizona Rattlers will win big, like New England did a few years ago when they smashed Cincy after losing 2 straight (Dave made a comic about it). Arizona by 35.
3-4 Cleveland Gladiators at 0-6 Tampa Bay Storm (Monday, 8pm, ESPN3/Univision Deportes):
Tampa is hosting a Monday night game. Tampa may have a real QB again (Jason Boltus), and if they can play as well as they did last week against Orlando, they should win. They won’t. Cleveland by 17.
Feel free to give me any thoughts on how I should do these, because I still want to do these, as long as I don’t cause Dave problems.
This is good, but compared to the old recaps, they feel a little dry. I really liked the way that you got into each game and each team and had fun with it before. I dunno if that was too long and winding or not, so I’d check with Dave first, but if he’s okay with it, I’d try being a little looser and more stream of consciousness with it.
Thank you; the less organization the better. I’ll still make them only weekly though, at the request of Dave
#freearenafootballcomments
I miss Dolezel. I miss Arena football.
We need Grand Rapids and the Albany Firebirds back for tampa to go to every year, yet never show up in ‘Zona or San Jose. The league will sadly never do it because those 2 cities don’t have nhl/nba teams (but they do have minor league hockey teams and cheaper, equally sized-arenas. At least NYC could get a team next year and Detroit could get a 2018 team, but it’s not the same 🙁
The Van is an amazing arena. I still see 10+ Griffins games a year there. Ain’t a bad seat in the house… I probably went to 30 or so Rampage games. They may come back in ~10 years if GR continues on it’s rebound trajectory. The 90s-early 2000s weren’t the best for Grand Rapids; I wasn’t really surprised they folded. Side note: I passively cheer for the Soul, but I can’t seem to get emotionally invested in a team I never get to see play live.
Also, Dolezel is the Philly coach now
If there is a team out there that hates Bill Belichick, they need to fire whoever is their coach and hire Tom Coughlin.
So… Everyone else not called the new England Patriots (or browns in the early 90’s)
I like Belichick being an unstoppable monster. It makes Denver’s winning record against him all the more impressive.
There are some teams that don’t really have a good reason to hate the Pats like for instance the Broncos who actually have a winning record against the Pats especially in the playoffs (yah I know they creamed Tebow in 2011 but any Denver fan that actually believes Timmy could have brought them to and won a super bowl is severely deluding themselves.) Also the Giants who were handed not one, but 2 super bowl victories by the patriots. (they should like BB even more as he helped them win 2 more super bowls as a D coordinator.) Now most of the rest of teams can hate the Pats all they want (with maybe a few NFC teams that Pats never play as an exception) but the Broncos/Giants have the least reasons to hate.
This all is an interesting line of thought; witch teams have slighted your franchise and thus deserve your vitriol and witch teams you should bear no grudge. For instance with the Pats the only teams I think they legitimately have reason to hate are the Jets, (consistent divisional thorn in the side and ended the 2010 season in the playoffs) Ravens, (beat the Pats in a couple playoff games and always seem to have their number in the regular season, also have injured a number of patriots) and Giants (for obvious reasons). I guess you could maybe throw the Broncos in their too due to their winning record against the Pats and playoff victories…
Don’t forget, Pats fans can hate any team that has ever given Bernard Pollard the time of day, let alone an actual roster spot.
True, cuz we all know everyone hates the pats…
ALLAHU AKBAR!
I thought it was Dan Reeves for a sec. Which would also work.
Georgia Tech? Why not THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY
Or why not DA U
Or South Florida
Or Michigan.
At least he isn’t senile
Second time with the squirrels again, XD
Niners need to fire Chip Kelly and hire Coughlin
I read Coughlin’s book a few years ago, and I was positive reading it that he’d never retire. He’s a man who eats, sleeps, and breathes football and coaching, it’s who he is. You either fire him or he dies at his desk. I imagine he wanted to stay, but Mara and Tisch asked him to step aside, and he respected them too much to refuse, and that being the case I imagine he’ll jump at any opportunity to coach that presents itself.
I don’t think he has the temperament of a GM or another executive role. He’s too much of a micromanager, too much of a “Roll up my sleeves and jump right into the fray” kind of guy to be content sitting back and calling the shots instead of being right there coaching the players. I think he’s going to have to endure a year or two off, but once the next offseason or two rolls around, someone will want him again.
I can’t wait for Tom Coughlin’s all-pro bingo team.
Coughlin is great on building or rebuilding franchises but after that initial success that comes from whipping everyone into shape his old school method seems to grow stale as the veterans tire of the micromanaging. If he’s not employed within a few years I see Ol’ Tom going to the Browns after everyone realizes that the current staff has bit of more than can be chewed. That’s not a dig at Hue Jackson, it’s just the reality of the Browns.
That’s actually a really good way to look at Coughlin. He’s great at righting a sinking ship but he’s not great at steering a perfectly fine ship all that well. Both Super Bowls came on years when things had begun to fall apart for him and he had to loosen up. He did his damndest with these past two seasons but the roster was just so gutted by injuries and lack of talent that he couldn’t do it.
Now all I can think of Tom Coughlin rolling up to First Energy Stadium (like a balla) with his clipboard and glasses. Suddenly, the humongous ghost of Art Modell erupts at mid field. The two stare each other down, and charge full speed ahead.
BTW I have a a there that the reason Ohio football is so poor is because the Hall of Fame in Canton saps their strength and uses it as their sustenance.
theory*
Bring back tom
MacAdoo is Whackadoo
Why is this set in Piedmont Park in ATL? I’m assuming that because of GaTech shirt.