Tiny Man A Giant
I started this comic before the 2012 NFL draft. Russell Wilson’s entire career has pretty much been my timeline. Him earning the job over Matt Flynn in preseason was the 24th comic I ever made. He has unquestionably been one of my most recurring subjects and him being tiny is probably my longest-running joke. I never thought I’d end up in this position. Russell Wilson is a New York Giant. For a year, at least. Tiny man Giant now. Metaphorically.
As a football move? I don’t hate it! To be honest I’m just relieved they didn’t sign Aaron Rodgers. I might have boycotted next season and rooted for someone else if I had to watch Rodgers and Jameis Winston as my team’s QB room. To me this move signifies that the Giants are not going to try and draft a QB early next month. Cam Ward seems like he’s pretty much set for Tenessee, and he’d be the only one I’d want. Shadeur doesn’t seem like a good fit and I’d get a headache dealing with Deion’s nonsense. The Giants seem to agree. They tried to sell out for Matthew Stafford (an idea I was not fond of, even if he’s better than Russ). They have presumably contacted the Browns and Titans to inquire about a trade and not gotten the desired results. That they signed both Winston and Russ in a week tells me they want Hunter or Carter at #3. I’m fine with that! I’d probably prefer Carter but either way, we got a player worth a damn and not a project QB going to a likely dead regime. Get a stud, suck ass for another year but now with depth, and set up whoever the next coach/gm with a great position. Yes, I assume Daboll and Schoen are gone. The Giants are still bad, and the schedule is brutal. I’d be shocked if this season goes above 4 wins.
What do I think of our new QB room? Well, I guess it’s an upgrade from Jones/Lock. Russell Wilson is lightly toasted but still capable of managing a game well enough. He doesn’t turn the ball over, and he still throws the prettiest moon ball in the game. I don’t think I’ve ever genuinely expressed that Russ has legitimately the prettiest deep ball I have ever seen. It is magical. Aesthetically, they are ideal cinematic passes. It just seems to hover there in orbit for 10 years on a perfect arc every single time. Nabers, Slayton, and possibly Jalin Hyatt are all going to love the moon ball. The problem is Russ doesn’t have legs anymore and can’t juke around pressure like he used to in his heyday. The Giants O-line is mid when Thomas is healthy, and bad when he’s out. I anticipate Russ taking a lot of bad sacks. Oh well, I watched Daniel Jones, I’m used to that. Russ will be safe, he will occasionally delight the senses, and I will make short jokes. I also anticipate him getting hurt for a stretch mid-season. Which brings me to Jameis Rapeis.
As a personality clash, having Jameis Winston in the same locker room as Russell Wilson is the funniest possible coupling. The two guys could not be more different. Russ is a deeply religious straight-edged dork, cornier than a Kansas field. Russ is offputting and reserved and from what former teammates have expressed, kinda aloof and egotistical. Jameis is a fucking screwball. Russ is the teacher’s pet who reminds the professor that they haven’t assigned the homework yet. Jameis is in the back of the room taking bets on how many bugs he can jam up his nose. Russell Wilson prays every day. Jameis has probably never prayed in his life. God, I fucking wish Jameis wasn’t a sex pest, I want to love him so badly but he’s a piece of shit so I can’t. I’m not happy about having Jameis on the Giants. However, as I’ve noted many times, Jameis is one of the most entertaining QBs in football: the personification of YOLO. I’m not sure Jameis watches film or knows how to read a defense in any way. I think he just goes out there and hucks the damn ball like it’s recess again. He will likely start a couple games for the Giants. He will be insanely funny in one of them, and a depressing disaster in the other. He will throw for 400 yards in both.
Tommy DeVito (or as my mom calls him: Timmy Porkchops), is still there. He’s still Italian. The charm has worn off. Good for him keeping his job. Happy for the guy. I can never hate you, Timmy Porkchops.
There is also the possibility the Giants then spend a lower draft pick on one of the project QBs. I think this would be a waste of a pick for the regime in this position, but we can’t rule it out. This is going to be a bad year for Giants football but dare I say: it might at least return to the realm of “entertainment”. Plus, if they suck enough, we can draft Arch!
Shoutout to Illcaeser on Bluesky for the Russ slogan joke
Pretty sure Jameis is also deeply religious, in the frustrating archetype of regularly dedicating wins to God during interviews and not taking responsibility for his actions.
jameis is very performatively christian.
Russell Wilson lives like he’s preparing for eternal life
Jameis Winston lives like he’s only gonna live once and it could end at any second
Who doesn’t like the tiny Russ gag and how can I take steps to avoid sitting next to them on an airplane?
No more Arch talk, the kid plans to stay his full term, meaning he won’t declare until 2027.
Wait for Arch comments on every Giants site are frustratingly stupid. Mara’s desire to recapture the Eli magic by sticking with his Dollar Tree version for six years was bad enough, but the assumption that last name = destiny is incredibly stupid. We don’t even know if he’s any good (he sat behind Ewers, whom no one sees as anything to write home about).
Also in addition to the whole Manning family saying he should stay in college till at least 2027, didn’t they also say that they wanted him to chart his own legacy (i.e don’t go to the Saints, Colts, Broncos or Giants if he can avoid them), which I really admire on their part.
The good news: Tomlin will have no control over his offence with Rodgers, Pickens, and DK meaning he could get fired.
The bad news: Steelers don’t have a good QB option anymore.
Together let’s blue ball.
It’s going to be another depressing Giants season following several and following the Rangers taking most of this season off, including the end during a playoff race. Another sad New York sports year.
Dave, By saying that you don’t want the Giants to draft a QB in the second round or later you have just jinxed them into drafting Jaxon Dart. I am sorry for your loss.
Well done on dodging Rodgers. That looked dicey for a while.
I know the Giants fans have to put a positive spin on the Russ Wilson signing and I get it.
BUT you now have 3 teams who say Wilson’s running out of gas (Seahawks, Broncos and Steelers).
The Steelers didn’t even try to keep Wilson and that should tell you something.
But better than 41 year old nut Aaron Rodgers’ circus coming to the Giants, anything but that !
He should be a decent enough stop gap at least.
I have this mental image of Russ doing the “Eat a W” speech verbatim, and it’s oddly amusing