The Ship of Tomtheus
It’s been a while since I flaunted my official government-issued Tom Brady Hater card. We can’t let him go into his new era without some parting shots.
Is Tom THE GOAT? Or is Tom merely multiple HOF QBs? This is a question worthy of thought. It is often said that Tom Brady’s early days did not quite reflect the QB he would become. Tom was a game manager, especially in 2001. Many an argument has been made that early 2000’s Tom was not THE GOAT, and the Goat version of Tom wouldn’t show up till maybe 2006, 2004 at the absolute earliest. Few ranked Tommy amongst the best QBs of all time in those early days. Was he successful? Sure. HOFer? yeah, winning 3 rings is just kind of a guarantee. But those Belichick teams were stacked to the brim (especially on defense) and didn’t require Tom to do as much.
In the video game SOMA (a classic), the main character is a rebooted consciousness of a man who got a brain scan long ago, now in a robot body. The game tackles the difficulty of understanding if he is the same man. In Star Trek fandom, there is often debate on whether or not you remain the same man on the other end of a transport, since the transporter breaks down your molecules. Does it then deliver a copy of you or the actual you? What makes you you? Is it your consciousness? Is that what a soul is? Are we essentially just biological computers transferring data between constant updates?
Tom didn’t win a Super Bowl between 2004 and 2013. Almost a full decade. He went to a couple, sure, but lost both of them to Giants teams that routinely get picked as some of the worst Super Bowl winning teams of all time. They say that every cell in your body is replaced within a 7 year span. No matter how you shake it, there is a very real possibility the Tom Brady that beat the Rams, Panthers, and Eagles is not the same biological man who beat the Seahawks, Falcons, Rams, and Chiefs. Hell, he may have barely been the same man that beat the Seahawks by the time he beat the Chiefs. He is not that same man now.
That’s just natural biological aging. Now take into account all the surgery he’s had done. Yes, he’s absolutely had work done, and if you believe otherwise, I have an NFT of a bridge to sell you. Tom may remember his early years, but I can copy my old pictures to as many hard drives as I want, the original file is long gone.
Joe Montana won his 4 rings in a span of 9 years, so even if we split Brady into multiple Brady’s, I must concede he remains the GOAT. But he is actually just multiple smaller goats.
Did anyone else watch The Roast of Tom Brady on Netflix last Sunday? I didn’t watch it live and wasn’t planning on watching it but then I heard Drew Bledsoe and Belichick had sets so I put it on in the background while I was working. It was…fine. If you enjoyed all the old Comedy Central Roasts you’ll probably enjoy it.
Dave did you have any roasts for Tom Brady that you would use if you where at his roast?
He is undoubtedly the goat lol
He’s the M-SOAT
He’s the BOAT
It’s a philosophical thought exercise turned into a joke not an actual question Pinky.
My wife watched it last night. I should point out, she hates Tom Brady independently of me. She said he was godawful, his attempts at being humble were not even remotely convincing, and he let the applause go on for far longer than a non-narcissist probably would.
I can’t definitively tell whether Eli Manning was invited, but then he legitimately turned them down, or if Tom couldn’t take Easy E going for a hat trick on him, and Eli was just nice enough to provide a cover. Li’l Tommy is PRECISELY the kind of fragile ego jerkface to beg Eli not to show up, so I’m kind of 50/50 on which story I think is accurate.
The better part is how he came out yestreday and said he wouldn’t do it again because “he didn’t like how it affected his kids.” Idk maybe don’t let your kids watch a roast of you?
Yea, it must be reaaaaaaaaally rough to be a child of Tom Brady right now. I’m sure aaaaaalllll of the other kids were pointing their fingers and laughing at how much it must suck to have Tom Brady as a father. (Well, I’d wager it DOES suck, but high schoolers aren’t going to think that).
Eli zinged him on twitter the following day and it was good.
Brady’s set was terrible, but he wasn’t the worst of the night. That would have been Ben Affleck, who spent most of his set ranting about internet trolls being mean to him
*eyes begin twitching* Dude. If you think I go on long-winded hate-filled rants against OBJ, don’t even get me STARTED on *begins frothing at the mouth* Ben Affleck. *throws chair across the room* I cannot even BEEP BEEPITY BEEP BEEP BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP that BEEEEEEEEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEPY BEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!! *collapses in a pool of vomit*
But seriously, @#(%*&@#(%& that guy. His acting talent is as drastically overrated as Li’l Tommy’s purported GOATliness. *writhes on the ground some more*
They did a Brady roast? Gonna have to hut that down. Thanks for the info.
Netflix
I don’t have Netflix, hence the hunting, but thank you regardless.
Brady, historically, has had some of the best defenses of all-time. Add in the fact his stats are not that impressive and the phantom calls that went the Patriot’s way
SOMA is brilliant and that ending hit me like few story resolutions ever have in any medium.
I still think the pre credits and post credits bits should have been swapped, but it was a great story either way.
I didn’t watch any of the roast, though my timeline was flooded with people giving live-commentary about it so I got the general picture of how it went. Seems Patriots fans mostly liked it. Not sure how other fanbases felt about the whole thing if they even bothered. I did take some pause at the fact they were apparently making jokes about (or at least related to) Aaron Hernandez. I’m whatever about edgier humor like that, but I feel like it’s in extremely poor taste for his ex-teammates to be making light of that situation. Leave that shit for internet trolls, man.
In general, I’m already burnt out on the influx of Patriots-related content that’s been dropping recently. I get that they completed a historic run that officially came to an end this past offseason, but holy fuck, can we please let it marinate for a little while before we start plastering the world with docs and live get-togethers of the old crew reminiscing about the good old days? Sheesh.
Agreed. The Aaron Hernández jokes seem odd, especially with the CTE stuff coming to light. You would think his teammates would be more empathetic of that and the family he left behind and put that ahead of a bad joke.
There was a rather surprising amount of Hernandez jokes, some even made by the players that were there. I felt like that should have been off the table considering they were teammates and likely friends with the guy and at best have complicated feelings about all of it. A few of them were fine but definitely more than I expected. Also significantly fewer crypto jokes than I expected.
It felt like most of it was divorce jokes (expected) and handsome jokes (feels like they misunderstood the assignment of a roast)
Figures. I did see something about jokes relating to Robert Kraft being off the table at the request of Brady himself, so they were clearly willing to draw a line somewhere. Of course it’s with the decrepit old fart Bob and not with one of the saddest stories the sport has ever seen.
Jeff Ross made a Robert Kraft massage joke early on and Brady went up to him and the mic caught him saying none of that. Funny to see Brady visibly fight back for daddy Kraft but not say anything about the kids/divorce jokes till after the show
When Chris Rock made his Jada Pinkett Smith comment, I swear when the camera cut to her and Will, he was laughing. I don’t know if she told him “that’s not funny” or gave him a dirty look or what, but the image of Smith laughing along, THEN smacking Rock, stuck with me.
Maybe Tomtheus actually legitimately liked the divorce/kids stuff live but then Giselle gave him the equivalent of a dirty look after the show?
I’m not a big roast fan in general, but as a Pats fan it was therapeutic to watch. As Rich Eisen call it, it was a “Patriots therapy session.” I think it finally gave closure on the Bill and Tom era, and now I’m prepared to move on with Drake Maye and Jerod Mayo.
That being said, I’m old enough to find it interesting how the tenor around the Patriots discourse changed over the years. Dave called the early 00s teams “stacked to the brim.” Literally no one was saying that online back then. I was a regular on the KFFL forum in those days, and the Pats defense was routinely pooh-poohed because they would give up a lot of yardage and play bend but don’t break. Despite putting up very good points per game numbers, they were middling in yards per game. Remember the comparisons at the time were the 00 Ravens and 02 Bucs. Guys like Tedy Bruschi, Willie McGinnest, etc. were New England fan favorites, but outside of the Pats fan base no one considered them game changers. Those guys were all playing on the late 90s Pete Carrol Pats teams, and the 5-11 00 Pats team, but no one nationally was talking about them then.
Now that we’re twenty years later the narrative has changed. Whether you want to say it is “oh, people are finally respecting these guys with the benefit of hindsight” some small part of me thinks maybe people are doing that to devalue the career accomplishments of Bill and Tom and saying those early years “don’t count” for some reason.
I mean Im sure the discourse among Pats fans was different than the discourse amongst general fandoms. From what I remember those teams had great defenses but lacked offensive weapons, and the narrative switched after 2007 when the offense blew up but the defense aged out
I remember Teddy Bruschi being a big deal, everybody loved/respected Teddy especially after he came back from a stroke. Those guys were all very respected
The narrative really started to change around the point that Tom Brady GOAT arguments started to gain legitimacy, since the common retort to his case as the best QB to ever play is that his “biggest” accomplishment (being the winningest QB ever), was the result of playing on great teams rather than anything that he personally did on the field. The idea that the Patriots defense was uber-elite had always been around (just look at the lead-up to the 2003 AFC Championship, for example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFwZwH3MJv8) and people tend to lean into this narrative to make the point that Brady was never as good as people claim he was.
Of course, this really only applies to early career Brady (2001-2004). Brady’s case was almost entirely built in what he did after those early years, and the team success he had at that point serves as an extra cushion in an already pretty unfair case stacked heavily in his favor.
I dunno, man, those early years Patriot defenses were absolutely feared and revered, even at the time. I was in school in Boston at the time, and what I loved most about them was their gritty defense. Giving up a lot of yardage but not points is ABSOLUTELY great defense, the only complaints was that they weren’t statistically great… they just did exactly what they needed to do to win. Those teams took Peyton Manning down repeatedly, and rules were being changed to keep them from obliterating receivers on contact.
I am (begrudgingly) willing to say Tom Brady was a great QB, but I find it so bizarre how giving him any less than 100% of the credit for every single Super Bowl victory is somehow seen as taking ALL credit away from him. (Not saying you’re doing that, but it’s the general vibe I get in day-to-day chats with people in my circles). We can’t pretend those early year defenses were nobodies and that Tom did it all himself. Bruschi, McGinest, Ty Law, Milloy, Vrabel… they were friggin’ awesome and I would have JUMPED at the chance to get any of them playing for the Giants at the time. Belichick had those guys routinely dismantling opposing QBs. In 5 playoff matchups, Peyton Manning threw for a grand total of SIX TDs and SIX INTs. I’d say that’s pretty solid defense.
Romeo Crennel got a head coaching job SPECIFICALLY because of how great those defenses played. None of that is to say Tom Brady was awful, but no, he 100% absolutely did not single-handedly will inferior teams to multiple Super Bowls. He had a great team to help him out, and they were absolutely recognized for that at the time, but like Dave said, just maybe not on forums for Pats fans.
Tom Brady stepped into the Brundle matter teleporter with a Tony Robbins book and a tub of unflavored Greek Yogurt and emerged on the other side as Tom Motherfuckin’ Brady.
Ackshually *pushes up glasses* the full body cell replacement is a slight misunderstanding. The average age of **all** cells in the human body is seven to ten years old. As you might suspect, cells replace themselves at different rates all over the body. cells within our colon are replaced every 4 days or so lowering the average age, and our muscle and fat cells can take up to 70 years to to be replaced, raising the overall average.
nerd time over, sorry about that.
up up and awayyyyyyyyy!
Also, not everything in the body is made up of cells, such as your hair, nails, teeth, bones, and cartilage.
He had kind of a fat face (Idk the right term for it) which leaned out a bit by 2003-2004, which accounts for some of the change, but I remember during the NFL top 100 all time videos that came out that he looked kind of weird during his interviews. If I were to hazard a guess I would say he started getting work done around 2019-2020, and started overdoing it the last year or so.
It would be really funny if he ended up overdoing it to the point that he looked like a lost Bogdanoff brother
Seems to me it would be more cost effective to hold off on cosmetic surgery till after you retire from the job where people routinely drive you into the ground.
is brady a goat sized duck or 100 duck sized goats?