The Raiders Get Buyers Remorse
When Antonio Brown got traded to the Raiders I basked in the glory of the expected PUPPETMASTER defense. I saw not a tiny amount of fans gleefully rationalizing the drama Brown caused as calculated and purposeful so that he could tank his value and get what he wanted. Brown wasn’t a dramatic nincompoop, he was actually a genius who understood how to perfectly manipulate the system! He played us all! The Madman made us the fools in the end!
Puppetmaster arguments are always bullshit.
They operate under the same flawed logic that most conspiracy theories do: that things aren’t so simple and there has to be more going on, so lets come up with a plausible sounding answer that actually falls apart the instant you think about it, but it sounds good and can’t really be disproven so people buy it. The answer to what Antonio Brown happens to be is exactly what it looks like. He’s a dramatic nincompoop. Antonio Brown is greedy. He’s demonstrated at multiple points how greedy he is. He wants what he wants. He’s kind of a petulant baby. He got out of Pittsburgh because he successfully threw a big enough temper tantrum. The Raiders did not get some secret genius to join their team. They got the same dramatic nincompoop. The helmet nonsense is just his latest nincompoopery.
Side note: why don’t we use nincompoop as an insult anymore? It’s such a good word. Bring back Nincompoop.
Obviously the media has played a role in making everything worse, but that’s how sports media operates a lot of the time. Once it smells blood, it wants to help splatter that blood everywhere. I have no doubt Antonio Brown would have been the same dramatic nincompoop about his stupid helmet regardless of whether the media noticed this story, but because the media is already watching Brown like vultures because he’s a dramatic nincompoop, it just made things worse.
That’s why I imagine that none of the other players who have to switch helmets (like media firestorm TOM BRADY) are even getting much press about it. Brown made a stink. Today at practice he apparently wore a new helmet, so the drama may have even ended. For now. I don’t see this pairing working very long. I imagine he’ll be disgruntled by midseason. I can’t wait.
Steelers fans have to be laughing their asses off right now though.
My favorite never used phrase is Ne’er Do Well.
I always thought “knucklehead” was underutilized too.
Found the Charles Barkley fan
Prackwit
I think he would have frozen himself to death if he had actually been traded to Buffalo. Not in a snowstorm, just staring into his freezer for too long.
What goes on between AB and Zuul in private is their business.
Gosh, could you imagine that locker room if AB actually got traded to Buffalo, especially between him and Jordan Poyer.
This AB stuff this offseason has been great to me. Dude has been a nightmare and any hope he had of ever NOT being considered a team killing, locker room cancer flavored diva are long gone. Remember when Randy Moss thought he was SOOOOO good that he could make the Raiders better? Pepperidge Farm remembers. Obviously, Brown note does not.
Ehhh, I dunno. The team doesn’t seem to give a flying bleep about the drama… as long as he produces on the field. Hard Knocks is a total spin job, but the big takeaway from Episode 3 is how absolutely LITTLE they care about his antics. Produce on the field? The rest of this vanishes. Now, if this helmet thing ends up with him refusing to *PLAY*? Well, that would change everything.
Brown is not going to refuse to play. He has 30 million reasons to not refuse to play.
I completely agree. Which is why I think the whole idea that Steeler fans are “laughing their asses off” is a bit… not quite accurate? They lost a ‘generational talent’ for peanuts. PEANUTS. Even the most foolish of Giants fans would agree that at least the Giants got a better deal booting their own diva outta Dodge.
Any laughter coming from Steelersville… Steelers Sentral? Steelers Sity? Steelopolis? What the hell *do* the Steelers fans call themselves? *ahem* Anyway, any laughter coming out of them is gonna be the NERVOUS KIND. Like, they’re in a graveyard at night, and they just saw a Lego-head shaped shadow coming out behind them, and there’s flaked off foot flesh on the ground, and now they’re laughing at themselves for being silly… but there are like buckets of sweat trickling down their faces as they pee their pants. THAT kind of laughter.
“What the hell *do* the Steelers fans call themselves?”
Yinzers.
no they dont, “yinzer” is literally only used by non-yinzers
they call themselves “stillers fans”
The New Hit Film
RAIDERS OF THE LOST SEASON!
Culminating in the ark being opened and various helmets appearing and flying about, followed by facemelt.mp4
You lose major bonus points for not taking advantage of this opportunity to depict Mark Davis, driving around in his minivan with a $12 all-you-can-eat-wings bib still on him, placing his Antonio Brown statue in his fanny pack… with that godawful haircut… such a missed opportunity!
https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/raiders-owner-mark-davis-loves-his-bowl-cut-fanny-pack-drives-minivan/
Now I want to hear Charles Barkley say, “Nincompoop.” Is that weird?
not weird at all, I can already hear Caliendo’s Barkley impression saying it in my head
Personally, I think Nimrod>Nincompoop, but they’re both great insults that need to be used more.
Never a bad time to channel the inner UrinatingTree.
I kinda wish there would have been a broken Martavis Bryant bong or something thrown in the trash at the yard sale.
This is exactly what I was expecting when Gruden started building his team. The Raiders always butcher themselves with lack of discipline, bringing in a guy like Brown is only gonna make that worse.
I almost think the helmet stuff is to distract people from his freezer burned feet.
Props on your use of the word “nincompoopery”, Dave.
Who the hell makes an Antonio brown lamp with an interchangeable Raiders jersey? I thought the Sexy Rexy corp went under.
I owned a Brown jersey and was incredibly proud of it. I thought about burning it when he left but now I’ll just trade in it, get 15 bucks and go buy me a JuJu with the trade-in money. Seems about appropriate considering how often we screw over the Raiders with our trades.
Also, yes, as a Yinzer, I’m laughing myself sick. Enjoy him Oakland!