The Totally True NFL Conspiracy
Two Dave Preachy Soapbox Comics(tm) in a row! Lucky you.
This is probably the other “thing” that came out of the Championship games this year, if the first thing was “Pissy fans declaring entire other fanbases bad people ™.”
This happens every year, honestly. Especially when a good, hero underdog team loses to a traditional juggernaut in a close game. Fans who can’t just accept that the team wasn’t good enough or lucky enough to pull it out was actually PLAYING A RIGGED GAME. I’ve touched on this subject before, a while ago.
I don’t blame Jags fans for being angry. It was a close game that the Jags could and probably should have won. But take a late comeback by the golden boy, some bad calls, and the setting of the AFCCG and throw them in a pot; what do you get? CONSPIRACY! That was a tough game to lose because the Jags should have had it but some conservative coaching (This has never worked against NE for fuck’s sake people LEARN) and some bad luck they got Brady’d(tm).
There’s no goddamn conspiracy. Yeah, the refs may have had a little bias, that’s what we call “home-cooking”, and it happens in every home game. Refs are people. They fuck up. They fuck up every game. With an increasingly labyrinthine rulebook and being limited by having normal human vision, refs fuck up. It’s easy to call them wrong when we get the benefit of slow motion replay but they have to make the calls in real time from a limited vantage point and I don’t think they ever get enough credit for how hard that is. Also: that one ref who celebrated with Brady: this is not proof of a conspiracy holy moley. I think that ref would have celebrated with the Jags had they won. There’s nothing to prove he wouldn’t have. If there was bias, it was unintentional bias. The Jags lost due to some bad luck and poor decisions.
I feel like too many sad fans buy into the narratives through the year. Narratives are fun. It’s great to have a “story” to lock onto. Sometimes these compelling stories finish strongly with results most people want and it makes it easier to embrace the underdog. Hell, look at last year’s Pats. They had the revenge storyline going. Even though most of us hate the Pats, there was a compelling story in watching Brady and Co. stick it to the man, and it does feel like a solid WWE style script at the end. The Jaguars this year had a good narrative but…it’s just a narrative. It doesn’t actually mean anything. The Patriots this year have like no narrative at all. Doing it for…Tom Brady’s weird doctor? I guess? Stick it to ESPN for that one bad article? I guess? If this is the narrative that the NFL wants to secretly script, they are worse than WWE at writing. Nobody except Pats fans are excited the Patriots are back in the Super Bowl.
I also don’t quite buy that the Patriots going to the bowl is inherently a better thing. If I’ve seen anything this year once the teams got decided, it’s that most casual fans are about as bored and tired of the Pats as I am. I’ve fielded a lot of questions from my less football inclined friends asking “Do the Eagles even have a shot, should I bother watching?” and I tell them “The Eagles might legit be the better team especially if Nick Foles plays well!” and they look at me like I’m an idiot for telling them exactly what they hoped to hear. The Patriots being in this game again probably in fact turned a lot of people off watching the sport. The Jags might not be a big market, but they are fresh, and most importantly, have untapped market potential.
Jacksonville is a huge area. Most people have ignored the team because it is still fairly new and has spent the last decade in complete misery. But when a usually small and ignored market suddenly gets a good team, that is a lot of new fans that get picked up. Seattle is the perfect example here. Seattle wasn’t a big market. But that rapid climb to the top picked up a bunch of new fans from the entire PNW area and now they probably make pretty decent bank for the league. There is actual incentive for the Jaguars to be good from a monetary perspective. More bandwagoners equals more sales. Higher prices. The Patriots have more or less maxed out their potential as a market at this point. They can’t pick up any more bandwagoners, and their success is probably hurting sales-wise as casual people stop caring because the same team is always winning. Every chowdahead in Boston already has a Brady jersey. Lots of un-jersey’d people in northeast Florida right now.
So no. The league is not scripted. There is no conspiracy against the Jags. There are just a lot of sad people who don’t want to face up that their favorite team lost a heartbreaker. I’m sure most of these conspirators will come to their senses soon as they come off the immediate emotions if they haven’t already, such is playoff fandom life.
Special thanks to my wife who wrote a bunch of nonsense fake code that I could use for the middle panels. Thanks schweetie.
Hackers always wear hoodies.
wait what’s the functional difference between “delete” and “destroy”
does the latter nuke it from orbit
goddammit, sorry, that comment was meant for the op, fuck threading
but Dave you dont understand its the only way I can show that i don’t like the Patriost
The NFL is rigged. Rigged to keep you watching week in and week out and buy their overpriced merchandise.
I’m inclined to agree with this. It looks a lot like the NFL favours losing teams in the fourth quarter to force close games.
U r wtong, JFK did 9/11
No, the 2nd shooter did 9/11
Time for a history lesson.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=K7y2xPucnAo
no, jfk was d.b. cooper
I’m willing to forgive people a little for this conspiracy theory given some of the occasionally shocking calls the Pats have gotten this year. The slight bobble in the end zone becoming a touchback made it really hard for me to not put my tin foil hat on.
BRANDIN COOKS DOESN’T BURN HOT ENOUGH TO MELT STEEL BEAMS DAVE
In 2016 the NFL had Cam Newton partially decapitated because he smiled too much.
Even though it’d be way too hard to even rig the nfl without making it far too obvious, the Jags second half playcalling felt like someone rigging it just so Brady could have another comeback. Run up the middle for 1 yard on every single damn first down instead of going play action (which Bortles was actually GREAT in this game!) when they’re selling their souls to stop the run, multiple crossing routes 5 yards before the sticks on third downs, all of it so awful. Then there’s also them not even trying with 50 seconds and 3 timeouts at the end of the half, like maybe if you don’t want to turn it over but sometimes you gotta go for it.
If I was a conspiracy theorist I’d be all over how fucking stupid people have to be to keep letting off the gas early against Belichick because it’s so infuriating that a conspiracy theory being leaked would be the only comforting thing
Counterpoint:
The NFL is scripted, but because it’s run by old white men it’s got a dumb and predictable script that has outcomes that made sense a few decades ago but are bad for the game as a whole now.
I knew there was no way the Saints could ever give up a big play like that in a playoff game!!! Historically speaking, it’s never, ever happened before, right?
Honestly, I do believe there’s a biased playing field in the NFL. But whether it’s rigged or not, I’m still a fan. One player can’t throw a whole game…..or can they?
Of all the sports I kinda follow, the numbers of people involved in the NFL makes it the hardest for me to believe it’s rigged.
Now, NBA? Totally believe it (or at least it was very recently, during Tim Donaghy’s days).
The Patriots are just so boring to watch this year. Everyone knew they’d get to the Super Bowl. They have no story that hasn’t been done before (as Dave mentioned). Their team is so boring between games that I’m just begging for some random linebacker to make a Joe Namath-like statement of dominance so we can at least have a tangible and obvious reason to hate this team, but no, they’re all “business as usual” because Belichick refuses to let his players show an ounce of personality.
I TOLD YOU ALLLLLLLL! Go Steelers boo goodell
Drunk before the stock market opens, says my confirmation bias.
The ref who congratulated Brady right after the final gun, that was Clete Blakeman. While I ultimately don’t buy into the conspiracy theories surrounding the AFC title game, it is hard for me to shake the idea of a conspiracy when Blakeman is involved.
Back in the mid-2000s, he was a college official, working for the Big 12. His alma mater? Then-Big 12 school Nebraska. But that wasn’t just his alma mater, Blakeman played quarterback for the Huskers in the mid-1980s and was VERY active in the school’s letterwinners association during his time as a Big 12 official (he later became president of the N-Club after joining the NFL). Not a problem, right? Just don’t let him work Nebraska games (I would argue that still is a problem, but go along with this for brevity’s sake). Well, the Big 12 office DID let him work Nebraska games for a few years until he became a head referee. Yeah, that was more likely due to laughable incompetence by the Big 12 office than conspiracy, but it is almost like they tried to make you wonder.
Clete Blakeman is obviously biased for the Patriots because of his shared Nebraska connection with Tom Brady.
Ah yes Tom Brady the small town Nebraska man
This was the big thing that drove me insane after Super Bowl 50 as a Panthers fan. Too many jaded Panthers fans kept saying the NFL rigged it so that Peyton Manning could end his career with a Super Bowl win.
I guess Cam’s theatrics were all part of the act.
Myles Jack had a TD taken away for no reason. *sobs uncontrollably*
He was down by contact anyways.
The NFL is clearly not actually rigged – we’d have started getting leaks by now declaring that it was if that were the case. Even pro wrestling’s scripting was pretty common knowledge by the time it was confirmed.
What would not surprise me one bit, though, is if the league and its officials make a point of giving more benefit of the doubt or leeway to certain teams which shall remain nameless (or dropping the hammer harder on some other teams).
The conspiracy theories are kind of understandable; in the last decade, this is the second time the Patriots have won a close and contentious AFC Championship game in which they barely got flagged at all while the visiting team got dumped with penalties and then lost on last-minute BS (you know, Billy Cundiff shanking a kick most NFL kickers could hit while falling over drunk). Is it almost certainly incompetence? Yes. Hanlon’s Razor: unless you’ve got evidence to the contrary, best to assume incompetence before malice.
But you can’t blame people for looking for an explanation for the bullshit that isn’t just “we managed to fuck up at the worst possible time.”
Quick note: Billy Cumdiff shanking that kick would have tied the game, not won it.
So, that was a typo… but a funny one.
Lets be fair, if the game is rigged, would anyone be surprised?
Yes. Because football is very hard to fake with 22 people on the field trying their hardest and one hit can alter a team’s season. The NFL has preferences but they can’t control anything.
So naive, it’s really adorable.
Ryan Shazir would be surprised.
I do think there’s some sort of possibility that the NFL is scripted at a minuscule level that’s too small for anyone to care about. But the same can be said for, really any, professional sport
I like the pear.
a+
Imma call bullcrap on one thing: Seattle isn’t a small market. It’s #14 in the country, and ahead of Miami and Miinni– and about 33 slots ahead of Jacksonville. It’s the small end of large markets, or the large end of medium markets, depending on how you want to look at it. And where Jacksonville has college ball to the west, Miami to the South, and the Falcons to the North, the Seahawks have Denver to the southeast, the Raiders/49ers to the south, and no one to the east until the Vikings. They have an enormous geographic monopoly on the sport, and the only real football competition is in states that are lukewarm college fans as a whole.
Also: The Jags have been around for more than 20 years. They aren’t a young team anymore; every non-kicker rookie from their inaugural season has retired. They’re just a really bad market for the NFL, with no room for geographic appeal.
Ugh. I know fans like this. They actually believe that the entire league, from the commish/owners on down, are actively plotting to keep… wait for it… the CHARGERS down.
This gives me another reason for me to have a sick satisfaction of the Charger’s postseason failures.
does anyone remember when Dave made the Alshon Jeffery rap comic? what a prediction Dave, what a prediction.
Thank you for this comic. It drives me insane when people talk about everything being scripted. So dumb lmao
I’m a Jaguars fan lifer–good or bad, that’s my squad. I don’t think that there is a league conspiracy to have the Patriots win. If that were true Goodell wouldn’t have tried to roast the GOAT with deflategate. I do believe, however, that refs have an unwitting bias towards the Patriots due to the aura around them. On a human psychological level refs tend to make calls against the Pats’ opponent that they fail to call when the Patriots make the same play in the same manner. I’ve watch others endure it for years. My Jags have been the latest victim of this bias but they were not the first. There were sh!t calls by the refs that had they not been called the Jaguars would have undoubtedly held the lead and won an AFC title. However, there were also sh!t calls by Nathaniel Hackett that had me screaming at the TV, “GOD HELP YOU IF THIS IS ANOTHER INSIDE RUN ON 1ST AND 10.., DAMMIT!” and terrible time management.
I wish that there was a way to have a completely level playing field but that is not the reality that exists. Yes teams facing the Patriots have to play near perfect and have luck on thier side and any bad call is undoubtedly heading their way; but sadly, and truthfully, the Jags played a role in losing that game with predictable playcalling and terrible time management.
We all know how the Super Bowl will end…
☄
Maybe back to back will put the GOAT to pasture. It and a perfect season are all that he could be playing for by now.
Brady tripping backward into his own endzone for a game winning safety?
My conspiracy theory about the AFC Championship Game is:
At the beginning of the 4th quarter, Doug Marrone was secretly replaced by Andy Reid.
Think about it.
Why is this comment getting buried?! IS IT BECAUSE HE’S TOO CLOSE TO THE TRUTH?!
Damn that sneaky walrus!
I certainly don’t think the NFL is rigged, but I do think that there is a tendency for sports officials to subconsciously favor calls to the trailing team in an attempt to seem fair. I think it along with a home field advantage and a home field bias (as you call it, home cooking, it IS an actual thing where refs favor home teams more due to getting booed vs cheered) means that you will get more calls your way if you’re trailing at home. Especially by a close score when the referees are trying VERY HARD to not miss any calls, and thus end up making MORE calls.
Add in the fact that the Jags kind of played a safe second half and Tom Brady being Tom Brady, and yeah, it really doesn’t surprise me it went down this way.
…and that was how we found out that Dave’s wife was a web programmer who likes Python. ;-D
That is most definitely Javascript.
I am so confused by this. I saw the video when it first came out, and honestly thought they were being sarcastic. So much so that I thought it was a Pats fan who made the video. I didn’t even finish the video because I thought it was clickbait by a troll; now it is a thing.
If the news picked this up, I give up on mankind.
I think this is where most people are getting it from.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVtYT2itKuE
Although, there are several videos with ridiculous theories, this one has a lot of views. Some fans in other sports forums have unwittingly cited this video. I imagine they didn’t read the description (I didn’t the first time around. I didn’t even fully watch it.), and assumed it was true because it confirmed their bias.
oh god the javascript, it burns
The research shows that officials across all sports are influenced by the home crowd.
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/04/070403112044.htm
http://blog.philbirnbaum.com/2011/01/scorecasting-is-home-field-advantage.html
https://www.amazon.com/Scorecasting-Hidden-Influences-Behind-Sports/dp/0307591794/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1287696841&sr=1-1 (I read an excerpt of this book in an old issue of SI. Always stuck with me.)
“The referees were asked to make decisions on the incidents as though they were officiating the game.
The first group watched the video with the crowd noise turned up; the second watched the vision with no sound.
Researchers then compiled the decisions of the two groups according to the proportion of fouls awarded to a) the home team, b) the away team, c) neither, d) uncertain.
The findings were clear-cut.
In the group exposed to the crowd noise, the referees’ decisions favoured the home team –- that is, the referees were much more likely to call the fouls with the crowd.
This group’s decisions were consistent with the calls made in the actual game.
In the group without the crowd noise, the same tackles were called quite differently.
On top of that, the referees exposed to the crowd noise reported higher anxiety and uncertainty about the accuracy of their calls.” – ( http://www.understandfooty.com/styled-7/ )