The Bronco Fart Tax
Sometimes this job is hard. During the June-July dry spell it gets really hard to find anything to make fun of and it takes me a long time to figure out what I’m going to mock. But sometimes the football gods come down holding a giant silver platter and hand me something that’s so hilariously stupid that it sounds like something I would think up, then throw away for being too dumb. The Broncos fart tax ACTUALLY EXISTS.
It’s…just so beautiful. You can’t ask for anything so hilariously stupid. A fart tax. A FART TAX.
Now lets think of Football euphemisms for farting because False Shart might be the best thing I’ve ever come up with.
Offensive Gas Interference
False Shart
Threw an Air Mary
Got the wind knocked out of me
Personal Foul Smell, Face Gas, 15 yard blast radius
Two Minute stench warning
Let Matty Spice escape the pocket
The Tampa Toot
Tight End dropped the gas over the middle
Released some PSI
Went for it on Fart down
Bench Warming
The farting tundra of lambutt field
For the first puff of the draft
The Super Bowl Muffle
Playing in New Jersey
Butt music city miracle
Release the Dragon
Feast quake
Butt Fumble….oh wait
Bumslingin
Summer Brees, Warm Brees, need some FeBrees
Pumped in some crowd noise
Big Blue Wrecking Eww
Move the Browns to Fartimore
Cut the cheeseheads
Discussion (19) ¬
3 Yards and a Cloud of Gas
Releasing the Legion of Boom
Dropping a:
John Smellway
Collin Crappernick
Jaguar
Goodell
Matt Shatford
Smellvin Gordon
Throwing a long bomb
Missing the uprights
Utilizing the shartgun formation
It’s so easy to find FART one comic, but so hard in the next.
Holding it in, 10 yard penalty on the offensive line.
Even if had the skills of RAHGERS or Peyton Manning, I would never be able to make any money in Denver because I fart about once an hour.
Deflategating
releasing a hot take
…
Skip Bayless
“Releasing a hot take”
Goddamn son I love it
I wonder what Kubiak had to say about the third topic.
Man, there must have been a *lot* of “where’s the Sexy Rexy?” comments earlier…
Picking up the blitz
3rd and long
Two minute warning
One-gap defense
And my personal favorite: safety
Henne got sacked again. Held it in too long.
Is Bomb Brady too obvious?
I can’t believe no one else suggested Deflategate.
Defartgate.
I’m really immature for laughing at the”farting tundra at lambutt field. “
Defartgate.
I’m really immature for laughing at the”farting tundra at lambutt field. “
Ahahahahahahahaaaa
I like to imagine every offseason camp has everyone swapping Sexy Rexy stories like kids at a campfire.
Intentional Sharting
4th and Farting (4th and 14)
Converting the Shartdown
I laughed for ten minutes when I saw Peyton manning’s head! Thanks from a Jaguars fan!