The Actual End Of Andrew Luck
I AM NOSTRADAMUS BOW BEFORE ME MY LEGIONS OF UNWORTHY FOLLOWERS
I can’t believe it. I can’t. I suspected his injury case had to be worse than expected but to see the man actually legitimately hang it up so suddenly…I mean damn. RIP Andrew Luck. You were dead the whole time, but like Bruce Willis, we didn’t know it yet. Except Me. I knew it. I’m a genius. Ignore the many times I’ve been wrong and focus only on this instance.
Who would have guessed that RG3’s football career was going to outlast Andrew Luck’s. I mean…fuck. Rg3, who we all suspected was dead sometime during year 2, has actually lasted longer as of this week than Andrew Luck, the greatest football QB prospect anyone had ever talked about before. What the hell happened? How much suffering has Luck endured? The Draw Play started the same offseason year RG3, Luck, and Wilson were drafted. RG3 getting Edgar Allen Poe’d by Sexy Rexy was like my 20th comic. My first Andrew Luck comic was posted on August 16th of 2012. He’s been a routine staple here for ugly jokes and whatnot since. I feel like a part of DP history is dead now. As of this week, The Draw Play has lasted longer than Andrew luck’s professional football career. That’s wild.
It’s a tragic tale and it is incredibly sad to see what happened. I’ve never seen a prospect as hyped as Andrew Luck. He was a savior. He was good enough to make the Colts actually let Peyton Manning walk. He led the team to multiple playoff performances, including just last season. Hell, after the years of injury troubles and surgeries last year looked like a return to Colts form as they finally found a good coach and some genuine protection. Now…it’s the Jacoby Brisket era? WTF.
The fact that he lasted till week 3 of preseason makes me think this really was hard on the poor guy and he really did want to keep playing, but realized he just can’t keep going through this. It’s like you can see the point where the consequences of the game actually outweighed the love of it. Luck is undoubtedly making a decision few are able to make. He has a full degree from Stanford and millions of dollars his smart person brain has probably properly invested. Luck never needed football. It probably makes the decision to walk away for the sake of his own health an easier one. It also makes me wonder about the players who do need football. The players who came from nothing and were only able to make it through football. The ones who clearly suffered longer than they wanted to because they were too afraid to walk away, because what skills outside football do they have? If everyone had the abilities and the privilege Luck has, how many people would actually continue to play this sport? This is the kind of thing that will ultimately kill the sport.
I hope nothing but the best for him. I will miss him. Andrew was a delightful presence in the league. He was goofy looking, he had the most absurdly deep voices you’ll hear, he was talented and in the very fun to watch way, he complimented people who sacked him, he was just a joy. We don’t really have another analogue to him out there right now. He was one of a kind. Farewell, Andrew Luck. Godspeed. Write a tell-all book about the Colts doctors someday because after this and Peyton’s neck I have to wonder what is up.
YOU KILLED HIM.
YOU HAD A SUREFIRE HOF PROSPECT FRANCHISE QB DROP INTO YOUR LAP, AND YOU F***ING KILLED HIM.
ALL BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO IGNORANT TO HAVE AN OFFENSIVE LINE THAT AMOUNTED TO MORE THAN TURNSTILES AND WET CHEESE BEFORE HE WAS INCONTROVERTIBLY BROKEN.
DAMN YOU, COLTS.
DAMN YOU AND YOUR INCOMPETENCE ALL TO HELL.
I’m really, really, REALLY sad right now. And I say this as someone who kinda wants Indy’s division rival Houston to win a ring. Even though Luck destroyed them in last season’s playoffs.
I have to admit that I haven’t ‘really’ watched football for long. It was hard to watch games pre-2016, except for the Super Bowl games which to be honest doesn’t inspire much interest if you haven’t been following the season closely. I believe I’ve written about that in a comment for another of Dave’s comics some time ago.
That said, it was one of the reasons I never properly got to experience the play of the late Andrew Luck. As mentioned above, couldn’t get proper pre-2016 game footage, only some bygone highlights. 2016, he was already seeming off, gasping in the smoking mess that was the CHUCK TRUCK. 2017, he was dead all freaking season.
Then 2018 came, and after a slow start, I got to witness the real Luck experience. It was awesome. I’d seen all of the so-called ‘league’s top QBs’ plays in ’16 and ’17, except Luck’s, so I was really revved up to see him, and in the latter part of the season I was not disappointed.
Even as he destroyed the Texans in the Wild Card round, while some part of me was going ‘aww’ because it meant another year with no ring for Watt, I was very satisfied from what I saw. Now this was what I’d heard about all the time! Even though they finally got eaten up by the Walrus and the Kermit, the Colts finally looked legit with a great QB under center! I was highly expectant for more good games to be had from this team.
Then it all comes crashing down as there are reports that Luck’s broken yet again, then he finally calls it quits because he admits he can’t take this any longer, describing the hell of the past four years of rehabs.
Jesus Christ. Why would you do this, Colts. WHY. WHYYYYYYY
RIP Andrew Luck. You gave everything to your team, which didn’t deserve you, and rewarded you by hammering your entire body until you were reduced to pulp. Enjoy your retirement, I’ll miss you, and if by any chance, sometime in the future, you think you’ve healed and are thinking of a comeback, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE GO TO DENVER AND GET THE RING YOU DESERVE, INSTEAD OF THE NUMBSKULLS IN INDY.
Well then…
Guess it’s time to officially install the Colts as my despised team numero cuatro. Hope they tank the season due to Luck’s sudden absence, and draft a Johnny Football 2.0 to be Irsay’s druggie buddy. Hey, that means I finally have one hated team in each of the AFC’s four divisions.
PS. I guess this means that when Dak finally gets aboard MOONBASE MONEYZ, he’ll also have the honor of shooting Luck out of the Gun Penis. Maybe Dave can make a joke at that moment, referencing that the one time Dak and Luck went against each other, the Colts shut out the Cowboys.
You can even feel some genuine anger in UT’s tone.
He only played 16 games after Peyton retired. 16! I can only imagine the looks one might get if they went back in a time machine and said, “No, Jim! Give the Broncos Andrew Luck and hang on to Peyton, whose bone-fused giraffe neck no longer has the capacity to turn and has zero feelings in the majority of his throwing arm!”
Ah, well. It’s a good thing we have you around, Dave. I’m not sure anybody else could have predicted a guy who has practically been murdered by this game wouldn’t be long for the field. Sure, in hindsight there was the lacerated kidney, the concussion, the hits he would take and then congratulate the opposing players – making them want to hit him harder, peeing blood, his shoulder being ripped apart at a molecular level, the torn abdominal muscle, and the most recent mysterious calf strain/’bone injury’ that could only be explained by dark magic… but aside from those…? What warning signs were there to predict this chain of events would happen?! There were NONE! You truly are Nostra-Dave-us. =P
I know I’m being pedantic, but he played 33 games after Peyton retired. Peyton retired in the 2016 offseason. Luck played 15 games in the following 2016 season, 0 in 2017, 16 in 2018, and 2 playoff games after the 16 regular season in 2018/19.
I also think taking Luck was still the right call for all parties involved. Peyton got his ring, and if young, mobile Luck couldn’t survive behind the colts’ putrid o-line under Ryan Grigson’s watch, Peyton might have actually died. The organization squandered the guy beyond badly.
Crudmuffins! This is what I get for trusting Paul Klee of the Colorado gazette without double checking it myself! *shakes fist* KLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! I googled juuuuuust enough to see that Peyton retired in 2016, and that Luck missed 2017. You are absolutely correct, and I doff my cap at thee. Also, I AM FILLED WITH SELF LOATHING.
*ahem* Anyway, yea, I think you’re right, Peyton would have been brought out in toe tags if he continued playing for Irsay. It’s ridiculous to think that they had 2 of the best talents at qb the game has ever seen back-to-back, and managed their resources so poorly that they could only squeak out 2 Super Bowl Appearances and only 1 win… and they broke both players in the process. =(
My only qualm with your assessment is I think Luck would have been waaaaaaaaay happier if he was traded to Denver. He’d probably have a ring or two and his body would presumably be at least 80% less broken.
In fairness, if the Colts had kept Peyton they would have just killed him a second time.
As a Colts fan I’m fine with luck retiring.
I’m fine with fans booing. This is the third time they have been lied to by the colts org after season tickets sold about the health of a generational QB.
Kind of annoyed by the timing but I think Luck let us know as soon as he knew.
Couple of questions though.
Why would someone leak this during the preseason game?
Why would he do a filmed workout the week before with box jumps and the whole nine yards only to retire?
I don’t think we have all of the story. Also from Lucks comments in the past he tends to care more about architecture (his major) than football. My theory is that he really wanted to be an architect but was forced into the family business by his NFL QB father.
This is the curse of Peyton Manning. Peyton was benched in Week 10 of 2015. He did not start another regular season game ever again. Luck did not start again that year after the Colts’ Week 10 bye, and he’s been struggling with injuries ever since. Coincidence? I think not. Calling it now, the Coots will not have a franchise qb for decades to come
It’s Obi-Wan Jacoby’s time to shine, baby.
Also can we not type 8 paragraphs in the comments please
NFL.com decided his nickname is Brisket.
Brisket all the way.
Remember when I (as Dan Marino’s Super Bowl Ring) made a biweekly text wall for Arena Football? Good times. Also, RIP Luck’s NFL career. Looking forward to seeing you in a. XFL announcers booth in 6 months
Your first comic here has Andrew Luck in it, too.
I went back and looked. What a blast from the past.
We need to see how Andrew Luck’s departure from the SS Money plays out.
The only NFL game I have ever been to is 2015 Colts at Atlanta. Luck was injured that day so I got treated to watching Hassleback beat us…
I’m just going to reuse my comment from the last Luck comic because the sentiment is the same:
It really is a shame. This team wasted Luck. Ballard has done an admirable job actually putting a team together, but it’s too little too late. Maybe Brisket or “Gigachad” Kelly can succeed with this roster. We didn’t deserve Luck and his beautiful neckbeard.
P.S. fuck every single colts “””””fan””””” sho booed him at the game.
Ditto.
There’s a special place in hell for them alongside Irsay for wasting Luck.
Right decision for him. He was in pain with terrible bosses who didn’t care, and that’s not fair to him. He can design awesome buildings and/or coach. I wish him the best.
Because everyone likes a good conspiracy theory. Luck has been lured away from the NFL to the XFL to bring the league star power with the promise of ownership rights. Sounds crazy but when you think Andrews dad is the CEO of the XFL it sounds just a little bit less crazy
It would be amazingly funny is this is true
Came here to say this exact thing. It may sound crazy at face value but weirder things have happened and a LOT of the dots connect.
Hope y’all didn’t draft him in fantasy
Never thought Tannehill would outlast him.
Doug Gottlieb’s head may have been emptier than a coconut.
“may have been”
this is one of those rare to nonexistent quantum certainties in which there is literally no possible universe where gottlieb isnt a feckless idiot
Ok, Dave, don’t get going all Louis XVI or I’ll get all Maximillien Robespierre
Can we all agree this 100% Grigson’s fault?
Irsay too, remember he hired the idiot.
I mean Irsay’s always been somewhat dumb. He’s a cool idiot, yet an idiot nonetheless
That’s a horrible moniker, because now every time I hear his name, all I’ll want to do is pop open a beer, go out on my back porch, fire up the grill, throw him in until his flesh falls off the bone, and then eat his smoked corporeal essence with some tangy bbq sauce. Don’t look at me like you weren’t thinking the same thing. 8|
David Carr 2.0. #1 overall pick who never lived up to his billing because he got beat up too much. Carr was the most sacked QB in the league 3 of his first 4 seasons, the other season he missed part of to injury. The 76 sacks he took in the expansion year is still the NFL record. You might want to have a semblance of an offensive line before you pick a QB at #1.
I know right? At least Carr got a consolation prize from sitting behind Eli in 2011.
The difference is that… Andrew luck was actually good. With the potential to become great. I mean – he somehow did what he did in his short career with garbage roster and coaching.