The 49ers Nightmare Offseason Comes To A Close
So I had some fun in the mountains, enjoying my time, and I was hoping no big news would happen while I was gone and I missed the passing of Giants great Frank Gifford (RIP Frank) but more to TDP’s tune Aldon Smith did another dumb thing and my god, why is Aldon Smith so dumb? Driving drunk and vandalism? Why is he so dumb? Aldon Smith is the world’s dumbest man.
I’d like to say that maybe, just maybe, the 49ers offseason from hell is finally over. But we have like 3 days for Kaep to get ironically killed in a #torm or Vernon Davis to decide he wants to be a tax consultant and retires. Maybe as a final hurrah Joe Montana turns out to actually be Bill Cosby. Point is, the 49ers nightmare isn’t over till that first preseason game hits. Then the nightmare that is the season begins.
That was brilliant. I could hear the inspirational music when the dude was making his speech and the subsequent record scratch when the car hit him.
Probably more like tires squealing 🙂
Still on the board when the Niners picked Smith: Tyron Smith, Nick Fairley, Robert Quinn, Ryan Kerrigan, Cameron Jordan, Kyle Rudolph, Jimmy Smith, and a little-known lineman named J.J. Watt. That’s just the first two rounds, too.The 49ers drafted exactly three players out of ten picks – 14 if you count picks they traded away – who are still on the roster that year. Kaepernick, an IR’d backup center, and a fullback. They also had four opportunities to draft Richard Sherman, a player that nobody should’ve been more familiar with and known the talent of more than Jim Harbaugh, yet they passed on him for Kendall Hunter and Chris Culliver.
The 2011 draft had a lot of good players once you look past its QBs, and yet the 49ers blew at least 70% of their picks in it. Didn’t get much better later: 2012 had seven picks used out of 12. Of those possible 12 players, Joe Looney’s the only one left on the team. In 2013, out of a whopping 21 picks – 11 of which they used and 10 of which they traded – only six are still on the roster barely two years later. Only one – Eric Reid who in fairness does look pretty great – is a consistent starter, with 16 starts to share between the five of them in two years.
A lot of bizarre, unpredictable elements have played into the sudden downfall of the Niners – Kaep being Kaep, Tomsula having the rough charisma of a sloth, players spontaneously retiring out of nowhere, free agents not re-signing, the inexplicable wedge between York and Harbaugh, et. al. – but the drafting foibles of Harbs and Baalke don’t get enough attention. Good teams get more contributors out of their draft classes, good teams keep more of their own players, and good teams have enough depth that they can replace the ones they can’t keep. Harbaugh and Baalke didn’t get enough contributors, they didn’t keep enough of the few who actually were good, and they lacked the depth to replace them.
22 other teams passed on Sherman 5 times, and 9 passed on him 4 times. I suspect Harbaugh’s huge ego clashed with Sherman’s personality when he coached him at Stanford, and would never him taken him under any circumstances.
You can play the “still on the board” game with any team and make them look like they don’t know what they are doing.
League-wide only 56% of players are still with the team that drafted them in the 3rd year, so 6 out of 11 is pretty average. There are much worse drafting teams
Not that the Niners aren’t a disfunctional pile of horsebleep right now…
I was with you until that last line. If this isn’t a team that personifies a dysfunctional pile of “horsebleep” then I don’t know what one would look like. Well, maybe the Jets. Or Browns. Or the Raiders, usually. But none of those teams, with maybe the exception of the Raiders, went from playoff contenders to who the hell knows in less than a year.
I double-negatived it, I agree with you that the Niners are a dysfunctional pile of something right now.
It’d be a fair point about how many other teams passed on Sherman if Harbaugh hadn’t been his college coach. I don’t care if he’s not your kind of guy, he’s a three-time all-pro in five seasons and a legitimate DPOTY candidate. If your ego won’t let you draft a player you know has that ability and potential from working with him for four years, then you’re not the lead coach.
And while there are worse drafting teams, there are also a lot of teams that draft much better. Four of the last five superbowl champions draft better(Pats, Seahawks, Ravens, Packers) do a better job in the draft, just to name a few off the top of my head. Middle-of-the-road isn’t what any team should be satisfied with. Being happy with middle-of-the-road is why Marvin Lewis and his Bengals have never won a playoff game in 12 years.
Or maybe he never showed all-pro stuff while he was in college. It happens.
While first-round picks dominate the HoF, there are quite a few players from late rounds in there.
Guess you can say the 49ers are…
wait for it…
AllDone!
YEAHHHHH!!!!!
You should draw a 1-panel of Frank Gifford in Football Heaven. Of all people, he deserves it…
Agreed.
Watch the niners somehow win 10 games. (My guess is 3-13).
So, how about Geno Smith’s jaw?
From ESPN: The New York Daily News reports that the Jets have reached out to free-agent quarterback Rex Grossman, who last played in 2013 with the Washington Redskins.
Could it mark the return of the sex cannon?
The Sex Cannon vs The Amish Rifle would be a good QB battle to draw inspiration for later comics
I know a good brain and nerve tonic for that jaw.
Yep, that’s about right.
That last panel got me like nothing else. Full tears and everything. Nice job.
I can’t make out that license plate number… is there a joke there?
I think it says 69 rexy.
Probably. I can’t see any other Sexy Rexies.
No, it says 69 Niners
I was hoping this would be a comic.
My dream came true
I hadn’t heard about this comic until today when I saw this at work and proceeded to giggle like a schoolgirl while trying to stifle my laughter. Very good stuff. I’ll definitely be following you from now on, keep up the good work!