The 49ers Get A New Endorsement
Congrats to the folks at Manscaped, people who sell beard trimmers for your balls. You got Jed York’s balls look’n spiffy. I…don’t get it. Now part of this is because I am a complete slob with no fashion sense but this really just looks like a beard trimmer to me. I have a beard trimmer. It has multiple heads and multiple settings. I’ve used it on places other than my face. It was effective. Why do I need to buy a separate trimmer that looks exactly the same but is called THE LAWN MOWER 3.0? I don’t. Downstairs doesn’t need an expensive trim machine, it just needs you to not be a fumble fingers when operating a standard trimmer. I’m also pretty sick of hygiene products deciding the only way to market to men is to pretend their soap/wash/fragrance is MANLY. It’s fucking soap. It’s a hair trimmer. If you are an adult who will only buy a hygiene product if it reaffirms your masculinity you’ve got hangups.
Of course, if Manscaped wants to sponsor me too and send me some products to prove I’m wrong, by all means Manscaped…send me your ball trimmer and I will sell the fuck out for it. Everyone’s gotta hustle. I’ll make a full week of pube trimming jokes, just for you. We can call it The Draw Pube Week. Call me!
In a painfully forced segway since talking about pube trimmers isn’t exactly a wealth of content I do enjoy how products designed for your genitals have to really beat around the bush (heh) in their marketing because you can’t explicitly say “balls” or “vagina” or whatever else in an ad that kids might see. It results in all the marketing copy being hilariously vague to a comical degree. MANSCAPED! The perfect trimmer for…down there. You know. Below. A sensitive zone. The Delicate Region. It’s your fuckin balls. I’ll have more respect for the first product that just comes out and says THIS SHIT IS FOR YOUR GODDAMN DICK ZONE. IT WONT CUT YOUR DICK. YOU WONT NICK ONE OF THE FOLDS ON YOUR SACK. BUY OUR PUBE SLICER. WE ALSO HAVE FRAGRANCES.
Again…Manscaped…I basically just gave you free advertising. Hit me up.
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Feels weird putting a serious link down here after that blog post but more information has gone widespread about a tragedy from last year concerning Elijah McClain, just another soul who deserves genuine justice that he never got. Here’s a fundraiser set up by his family. Here are people in Colorado that can be contacted.
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I am really looking forward to The Don’t Care Bear solving the serial killer crime of his chickens
He wants to be like Gronk.
more like
YOU WON’T NICK ONE OF THE FOLES ON YOUR SACK
braVO, sir, BRAvo!
Kittle vs Foles
I would say it’s the time in the offseason that you are getting weird, but… 2020 is just fucked so whatever.
A warning from 1988 me:
DO NOT SHAVE YOURSELF CLEAN DOWN THERE.
Yeah, feels great…for a little while. But, there are two words that should never be used together: 1) Balls. 2) Stubble.
Always wonder about this too.
Co-signed this warning
I too have made this mistake once
Eh, much like the first few times you try to grow a beard, the itching stops on future attempts. I’ve been shaving my nuts bare for close to 20 years and haven’t had any itchy stubble issues since I was a teenager.
On the point of the “masculine products,” I used to used some shampoo for men, and it dried my scalp. Switch to some shampoo with citrus extract, and it works well, and that smell is a treat. No shame in enjoying that.
i stopped using shampoo at all. it’s bullshit. there was a short adjustment period, and now i’m better off. that stuff made things worse. it’s a bad solution to a made-up problem. i use hippie soap (dr. bronners usually) on my scalp from time to time, but usually nothing. i had dandruff and itchiness when i used regular product, but never anymore. i do keep my hair pretty short usually tho, ymmv.
Over the last month or so I’ve cut back using shampoo no more than twice a week (but using conditioner daily) and frankly it works better. I find I’m not minding that I’ve got a three month Corona-induced white boy fro as long as I can comb it since cutting back on shampooing.
The ads I get on youtube do explicitly mention balls so there is that. I just wonder who needs something called the LAWN MOWER for their pubic hair? Plus like Dave said my Wahl beard trimmer could shave a wild hog; it handles everything on my body just fine.
It’s ‘segue’ not Segway. A Segway is that stupid two wheel machine that makes you look like a dork.
damn was late to the party today and couldnt be the asshole i always wanted to be
also noteworthy is that segway is officially shutting down due to lack of adoption
You’re never an a-hole for correcting someone who shows a rampart pendant for using the wrong words. You’re only an a-hole if you do so in a condo ascending fashion. Segway… lol.
bruh…
What? When you half as firm a comma of the English language as sum of us due, you’re totally a loud to expectorate batter from the peephole around us.
jfc
i think my brane broak
They’re actually pretty direct in the adds they run on almost every sports podcast.
Yeah, the word “Balls” is used a lot in their marketing. Pretty sure one of their slogans is “Your balls will thank you.”
hahaha
“Segway”
That last panel may replace “We like pee pee and doo doo” as my all-time favorite single DP panel.
Kittle’s expression (along with not seeing the punchline coming) absolutely cracked me up.
The ad copy on podcasts and youtube are written by the channel and not the company. The channel has the judgement if they can use the word balls or not. If manscaped doesn’t like the ad copy or doesn’t think it represents the company well then they can choose not to pay the channel for the ad. Youtube/podcast ads like manscaped and raid shadow legends have basically cut Don Draper out of the equation with the protection of being able to not pay the channel if they don’t like the ad.
Speaking of the 49ers, what’s your thoughts on the fact that Phil Simms was Walsh’s first choice in 1979 only to watch him being taken on first round by the Giants? It’s interesting to think about on how things could have turn out.
I don’t even know what to say about this.
Jimmy G needs to be shirtless in all cameos now, this is the way.
seriously
look at those fuckin washboard abs
Oh, he’s more than shirtless..