Show Me The Worst Football Game of 2018
People actually watched this game. I feel like anyone who was at this game (especially Colts fans) should receive a voucher for a free dinner at their expensive restaurant of choice. I mean just read the drive results and witness the pain without even watching the highlights. Were there highlights? It might be one of those highlight videos that features a 7 yard 3rd down conversion as a highlight because they have to upload something.
I guess credit to the Jags defense for playing well and stopping the surging Colts. That’s certainly commendable. It’s too little, too late, but at least the Jags stopped their horrific backslide with a draft position-damaging win. The Colts, who were winning 5 straight and had essentially come out of nowhere to look like wild card contenders, took a significant hit to their mojo and should probably end the season 8-8 in shame.
But still…6 to 0. A team starting Cody Kessler without Leonard Fournette managed two field goals and they won in a shutout. It might be one of the saddest shutouts in recent memory. You can’t have much worse of a shutout. 3-0, or 2-0, or I guess 4-0 and 5-0 are also possible, but most of those would feature safeties which are at least rare and therefore interesting. This was two made field goals. whoopee.
I’m just padding this blog post at this point. Did everyone have a good weekend? I mostly took it easy. Got to play some video games. My idiot dog ate something and barfed. Also had dog farts. Dog farts should be classified as bioweapons. Give me your best dogfart stories.
I bet the REAL FOOTBAW jackknobs who hate offense and think passing is for communists are salivating at the prospect of a game with more punts than points.
As one of those people… nah, a two-field-goals to none game is still fricking boring.
Everyone does pass too much and the rules are getting disproportionately weighted in favor of the offense, and it annoys the piss out of me, but a bad game is a bad game. If neither team is able to get into field goal range more than three times, that’s equal parts defensive capability and offensive incompetence.
Indeed.
A couple of WLAF/NFL Europe games wound up 3-0 iirc. Scotland’s 2004 opener against the Amsterdam Admirals was one of them. The pitch was an absolute shocker.
Jeez I was there! I’d managed to suppress that memory for years, look what you’ve done, I’m having to re-run the Rams – Chiefs game just to recover
I only ever made it to the one NFL Europe game – World Bowl XI up in Glasgow, Fire vs Galaxy. We went to a rock bar on the night, and they carded me. Apparently I didn’t look 18.
It was my 31st birthday.
Dunno about there, but I know places where everybody gets carded, even 90 year olds. It’s to check whether said person isn’t on kind of a “black list”.
To be honest, with the title being ‘show me the worst football game of 2018′ I expected it to be about last Thursday night where lo and behold, the Saints juggernaut led by Drew Brees and Dave’s favorite coach were stopped by none other than… the hugely mortal-looking Dallas Cowboys. That was some HORRIBLE refereeing in that game, too, I should say. But at least Dallas’s defense looks frightfully competent. You have to wonder what would have happened if Romo had this kind of defense to watch his back in his prime…
But looking at the score and the gamebook… Yeah, Dave. this is worse. Dear god, those stats. Highlight of the game was an 18-play Colts drive with a Vinatieri field goal nullified by a Jags penalty and automatic first down which amounted to absolutely nothing since they turned the ball over on downs at the Jags’ 1-yard line. Holy moly.
“It’s too little, too late, but at least the Jags stopped their horrific backslide with a draft position-damaging win.”
I chuckled. And I concur. Might as well just lost the rest of the games left on the schedule, this win did nothing bar maybe make a point that the Jags’ defense is still legit(I’m not so sure now).
Anyway, at least this has to be better than that mud game between Pittsburgh and Miami which had the ball slam and stick into the turf. That was 3-0, wasn’t it?
At least the Steers-Dolphins game had the mud as an excuse. What’s the Jags-Colts excuse?
Blake Bortles. Doesn’t matter if he didn’t play. The spirit of Bort lives on!
The Seahawks/Cardinals 6-6 tie was also a terrible game, but it was at least hilarious with its reality-defying terribleness as the kickers missed again and again and gave us some good Pete Carroll reaction gifs.
I caught that game and laughed my ass off. jags/colts was more like wanting to gnaw off a limb to escape. even as an afficionado of bad football it was just atrocious.
STAT ATTACK!
Lowest Scoring Game of the Modern Era (3-0) – Dolphins v Steelers
2nd lowest scoring game : 6-0 (Jags v Steelers)
Joint 2nd lowest Scoring Game : 6-0 (Jags v Colts)
I dont really need any more reason to hate the Steelers (2nd best team in PA), or to mock the Jags, but history just keeps giving me that little bit of an extra push. Im pretty sure if you go further up into games that finished 6-3 or 9-0 the Jags or Steelers are probably in there as well.
A few months ago, we got a new dog. My wife picked him up and the little guy was nice enough to promptly wiggle around in her arms and fart directly in her face. My wife has an extremely weak constitution, so she dropped the dog and ran to the bathroom dry heaving and almost puking on herself. I made a face and laughed. I’m not a very good husband. We’ve been together for 18 years. Also, Dave drew a comic Friday about the Packers and Mike McCarthy and now he is fired. Dave is psychic. Yes, we all saw it coming, but Dave called it. Congrats Dave.
This is a good dog fart story. On Friday morning our dog ripped one right in my wife’s face and she said it was the worst thing she’d ever smelled.
My wife still has problems even talking about it. I bring it up and get the look. She treats it like she has old war flashbacks. I’m sure my wife would agree with your wife, but every time she thinks about it, it makes her sick.
my wife farts worse than any dog I’ve ever had or seen… and they’re silent
It’s the best outcome I could hope for.
Here’s hoping the Texans trash the Colts next week 😀
Wait, you aren’t going to bring up the Giants beating the Bears? Or Odell’s pass?
Don’t get me wrong, as a Texan fan this game was genuinely hilarious. Just kinda surprised you went this way with the comic considering.
lol
I watched that game. Colts went for it 3 times on 4th down and less than 2 in the redzone and didn’t convert 1. Could have just kicked FGs. Viniteri hit a FG but there was a roughing the snapper penalty and Frank Reich decided to take the points off of the board. This is the second time this season that the Colts have lost to a division opponent because they were “aggressive”. So bad. Just let the kicker win the game.
cams post game getup was more interesting than the game itself
to be fair its more interesting than most games
Back in the day when I lived in Utah, I watched my Utah Utes take on the BYU Cougars in Provo in December.
White out conditions.
(Fun fact, Alex Smith was the Utes QB).
Utes won, 3-0.
Even the snow didn’t help the game.
It didn’t even have the inherent fun of a blizzard game to explain the bad offense and cause some mayhem. Just a bad game.
Dave, I have a couple questions for you
How the hell did you predict Mike McCarthys firing in the last comic? (Well at least show that he was in trouble)
What was your opinion on that Bears-Giants game? (coming from a bears fan, obj can throw better than eli)
And will Philip Rivers ever get his ring?
Worst game I remember was that 6-3 Browns win over the Bills back in ’09. Derek Anderson only completed 2 of 17 passes. Terrell Owens was wasted by Trent Edwards. Punt after punt. I still shudder when I think of that game
Remember the 8-0 game in 2007, where the long snapper sent the ball over Moorman’s head for a safety and Joe Jurevicius caught one in his facemask?
That one wasn’t bad, and was actually somewhat entertaining as the two teams were actually still in playoff contention (I know, right?) and it was snowing like hell. The 2009 game was just… horrible since it was two bad teams playing each other. I’m glad I was actually apple-picking with my family that day, but just looking at the recap and hearing the radio calls, yeesh.
Let’s not forget the Va. Tech/Wake Forest game that was 0-0 at the end of regulation: https://ftw.usatoday.com/2014/11/wake-forest-virginia-tech-overtime-0-0
Are you gonna do a comic about Joe Theismann’s broken leg, then Alex Smith’s broken leg BUT NOW FREAKING COLT MCCOY broke his goddamn tibia. There’s a curse. #ripredskins #marksanchezgonnaleadtheredskinstoasuperbowlloljk
0-6 tells me that either both team’s O’s were horrible, or both teams were well matched, and thus a good contest to watch.
I actually fell asleep during the Seahawk/49er game. Seriously. Such bad play by SF, it wasn’t watchable.
Give me good strong games with well matched… give me ties throughout the game so the last play wins it… Give me something EXCITING.
My doggo Jenny was a fart ninja. Absolute silence, no motion or reaction whatsoever, just a sudden whiff of the ghost of dog food that’s gone straight through and made itself even more putrid.
I mean she’s not been with us 7½ years now, and I miss her desperately, but not that bit of her. Phwaa.
my childhood cat George had a raunchy raunchy ass. he always had one loaded up and ready to go. so you could walk around with him on your shoulder, petting him, and sneak up behind a sibling. aim and squeeze, then flee. worked every time. they were clingers, too, so your victim would walk around with a nimbus of catfart sticking to their head.
i miss george.
As a colts fan I bashed my head threw a goddamned wall and have brain damage, but it’s still better than the game