Russ At The Ready
I feel like we’ve kinda been robbed of Russ fun this year. He got the Steelers gig and we all got ready to make more Russ is Cooked jokes and then he gets hurt and now we’ve watched Justin Fields mediocre his way to two wins in replacement. However, Russ is still Russ, and we’ve still gotten glimpses of peak Russ anyway.
In case you missed it, here is Russell Wilson on the sideline in week 1. You may notice that he is wearing pads. He’s in his full uniform getup. Russell was inactive for this game. Inactive as in he would not have played regardless. If Justin Fields got injured, Russ would have remained on the sideline, not playing football. He still wore his full pads. Russell Wilson is the biggest goober on the planet.
Russ is the kid from class who reminds the teacher they haven’t been assigned the homework yet
Russ is the guy who drives exactly the speed limit on the highway
Russ is the guy who shows up to work 30 minutes early every day and makes sure the boss sees him do it
Russ is the guy who throws a neighborhood BBQ but bans booze from the party
Russ is the guy who gives a 15 minute speech at the wedding before dinner and isn’t even the best man
Russ is the guy who tells everyone he passes on his run to hydrate
Russ uses Threads
Russ is the guy who volunteers to sing at every church mass and is really bad at it
Russ is also the guy who walks around with the donation basket at mass and gives you a disappointed look if you don’t put a buck in
Russ corrects your grammar
Russ pays for WinRAR
Russ is the guy who uses time on an airplane to do high knees in the aisle to stay fit…wait
I was honestly wondering if this joke would even work because I always draw every player in full pads as it is for recognition purposes so I hope it was still funny
EDIT: It has been pointed out that apparently Russ was the emergency QB so the pads make more sense but I think wearing pads when unnecessary is still very much in character for Russell Wilson so I claim myself justified in this joke
100% funny. It did take until the final panel for the joke to be understood by me, but that made it all the sweeter.
Even beyond the pads/uniform thing, Russ’ consistent game face while doing everyday tasks is a funny and effective way of calling out his gooberness.
I thought it was funny at first too until someone said he’s the emergency 3rd quarterback so he’s supposed to be dressed in uniform
I thought Russ has been the emergency 3rd QB. Do they not usually gear up?
Those jokes were funny though lol
You are correct. He was dressed as the emergency QB. It’s just where we are as a society. You get a reputation and it forfeits your right to the benefit of the doubt.
I’d like to make an addendum to my previous comment because I think it came off as very holier-than-thou. I wasn’t trying to throw shade at Dave. Human beings are social creatures with pattern recognition optimized brains. Once the crowd starts to point and laugh, it is hard not to reflexively do the same. I’ve made the same kind of mistake myself more times than I can remember. Hell, sometimes these sorts of reputations go down in history. Mother Teresa is a canonized Catholic saint despite the fact that she was actually a monster. People still rip on the McDonald’s coffee lady despite her being in the right and her case being a landmark ruling in the normally one sided fight for consumer protections in the USA.
Plus tiny Russ is always funny.
Yeah and New Coke. People remember that as some dumb thing Coke did even though Coke wasn’t selling at the time and people loved NC before the replacement aspect was announced.
I didn’t take it as shade on Dave, considering every content creator and their mother has been pointing and laughing about it. If Russ really was the emergency 3rd QB, then I think a lot of people owe him some apologies, because if he WASN’T dressed to go, and suddenly he needs to go in, he would get SOOOOOOO much flak about that. “Didn’t he KNOW he was the 3rd option?!? HOW DID HE NOT KNOW THAT?!?!” Hell, if I was Tomlin, I’d make a point of reminding him to wear his pads and make sure he’s ready to roll.
If you’ll allow me to get on my high horse for a moment… BAAAACK IN MYYYYYYYY DAY, when I was #5 on the fencing team depth chart, my coach CONSTANTLY reminded me to stretch, make sure I was limber and ready to go in on a moment’s notice. I almost never ever ever was sent in, but every single meet, I was in my sweaty ass foilist outfit, ready to rock in case the 3 people in front of me got hit by shrapnel.
Burntfries is the guy who goes “Well ackshually…” (Kidding lol, just wanted to make a comic related joke)
Nickelback
He’s a goober, but that’s part of why I love him. Sure was fun to watch, even though I hated him as a Cards fan.
As a Broncos fan, I’ve hated him his entire career.
I wonder what the mechanisms are by which tiny Russ and Ciara get it on
hamster tubes
Takes real dedication to keep the eye black perfect in the shower!
All of your Russ is examples had me smiling. Then I got to Russ pays for WinRAR and absolutely lost my shit. Bravo, good sir. Peak humor has been achieved.
Russ insists you call the Sears Tower “Willis Tower” and gets pissy if you don’t.
Russ pays for Twitter blue and also gets pissy if you still call it twitter instead of X.
Russ measures people’s hedges and reports you to the HOA if they’re a centimeter too high. In a neighborhood he doesn’t live in.
Russ says “H-E-Double Hockeysticks”.
Russ checks here to donate $3 to the Presidential Election Fund when filing his 1040 (on the second of January).
Russ reads the terms and conditions and chastises you for not doing it yourself.
It reminds me of when Kaepernick came in to replace Alex Smith. After that point, Alex always had his helmet on, on the sidelines probably monologuing in his head, “Put me in coach.”
He was a good sport about it but it was still funny.
Russ is the guy in the military that asks questions at the end of a block of a power point when the senior NCO or officer asks if there are any questions.
Just to piggyback…
I love goober QBs
Being emergency third-string backup is even more demeaning than being straight-up inactive, you have to dress and be on the sidelines and look the part instead of repping some sponsor swag. Maybe Tomlin expected this narrative and did it to humiliate Russ.