Pete Carroll and the Chocolate Factory
May23
on May 23, 2015
at 12:01 am
Seattle is a wooooooooooorrllllld of puuure imaginaatioonnnnnn
Michael Bennett described working for Pete Carroll as if it’s like “working for Willy Wonka”. I’m sure he meant it in a fun way but Willy Wonka is a seriously disturbing movie when you think about it so I’m not sure it was the best choice of words. Also it gave me an excuse to draw Russell Wilson as an oompa loompa. Thanks for that, Michael. I didn’t know I needed that in my life until you said it.
Percy Harvin was the spoiled rich brat who fell down the garbage chute
Oompa Loompa,
Doompity doo,
I’ve got a perfect gameplan for you,
Oompa Loompa,
Doompity dee,
If you are wise you’ll listen to me,
What do you get when you throw on the one?
Risking as much as a gambler would risk,
What are you at, making playcalls like that?
What do you think will come of that?
I don’t like the look of it,
Oompa Loompa,
Doompity da,
If you hand off then you will go far,
You will win a Superbowl too,
Like the Oompa Loompa,
Doompity do,
Oompa Loompa,
Doompity doo,
I’ve got another puzzle for you,
Oompa Loompa,
Doompita dee,
If Bills is wise he’ll listen to me,
Rule breaking’s fine when it’s once in a while,
It stops you from losing and helps beat rivals,
But it’s repulsive, revolting, and wrong,
Cheating and cheating all day long,
The way that New England does,
Oompa Loompa,
Doompity da,
Play by the rules and you will go far,
You will win a Superbowl too,
Like the Oompa Loompa,
Doompity doo,
Oompa Loompa,
Doompity doo,
I’ve got another puzzle for you,
Oompa Loompa,
Doompity dee,
If Brady’s wise he’ll listen to me,
Who do you blame you blame when your QB’s a brat,
Pampered and spoiled like a siamese cat,
Blaming the QB’s a lie and a shame,
You know exactly who’s to blame,
The coach and the commissioner,
Oompa Loompa,
Doompity da,
If you inflate then you will go far,
You will win a Superbowl too,
Like the Oompa Loompa,
Doompity doo,
Oompa Loompa,
Doompity doo,
I’ve got another puzzle for you,
Ooompa Loompa,
Doompita dee,
If Kraft is wise he’ll listen to me,
What do you get when sue the whole league?
A loss of respect and a loss of money,
Why don’t you try simply taking the fine,
Or could you just not bear to talk?
You’ll get no, (You’ll get no,)
You’ll get no negative press,
Oompa Loompa,
Doompity da,
If you’re not greedy you will go far,
You will win a Superbowl too,
Like the,
Oompa,
Oompa Loompa
Doompity do!
Alternative first verse to complete the deflategate theme:
Oompa Loompa,
Doompity doo,
I’ve got a perfect gameplan for you,
Oompa Loompa,
Doompity dee,
If you are wise you’ll listen to me,
What do you get when you flatten the balls?
Texting instead when your quarterback calls,
What are you at, filling footballs like that?
What do you think will come of that?
I don’t like the look of it,
Oompa Loompa,
Doompity da,
If you don’t cheat then you will go far,
You will win a Superbowl too,
Like the Oompa Loompa,
Doompity do,
I am a poetry and parody snob, and normally, I absolutely loathe it when people pull that stuff, because they have no sense of meter and rhythm.
You, sir, have done an excellent job and have earned kudos.
KUDOS, SIR! KUDOS!
Beautiful.
Nearly perfect. Only problem is not enough “You’ll get no” repeats in the Mike Teevee section.
Nicely done.
Does this make Jimmy Graham become
Charlie
Does that also make Richard Sherman Mike Teevee?
Come with me
And you’ll be
In a world of football domination
If try to play us
Your team will face annihilation
We will not
Take your health into much consideration
Our big hits
Will be seen across the nation
If you want to view Super Bowls
Simply find the Boom and lay it
Find a quarterback and slay it
Look at this Legion that I’ve… Created
Didn’t his brother refer to Trestman the same way?
He also referred to Coughlin as Slugworth…
I’m late to this but I couldn’t stop laughing the first time I saw the final panel