There Is No News So Here Is A Desert Picture I Made
Jul01
on July 1, 2019
at 12:01 am
I was hoping taking a week to make money comics would allow a backlog of things to happen and I could get to them this week. No such luck. I had a couple of ideas, but by the time I had them, it was kind of too late. So here’s a random landscape I decided to make instead.
Since we are in the dry season, lets take requests. Is there a subject you wanted to see a comic about that I never did? We’ve got a couple of weeks before things begin again and while I’ve got maybe a few half baked ideas in the tank I’d love to know what I might have forgotten about.
Where’s Waldo
Skinny Gronk hypothetically showing up at training camp and getting leveled
Could also do your version of what you think this year of hard knocks will be like
I would go with either a deflated Gronk joke, or maybe Belichick using some gypsy black magic/curse to make Gronks strength go to their new TE, like “Thinner”
Requests, eh? Let’s see then…
*dives into the NFL news dumpster, comes back out moments later*
These are mostly ancient news by now, but you did say you don’t have material. Here goes.
– Gerald McCoy gets cut by the Bucs… and he’s incensed that his jersey number is immediately given to the Bucs’ new acquisition, Suh
– The Texans fire their GM(who I still think was just a placeholder for Rick Smith’s eventual return), then for some reason get into a fight with the Patriots over trying to poach their staff or something
– Zeke apparently gets in trouble with the law again. Suspension looming? Jerry vs. Badell Round 2?
– Adam ‘Pacman’ Jones retires
– OBJ has apparently done a bit of bad-mouthing of the Giants and/or Eli
Wow, this is barren, I mean, heck, last year wasn’t this bad I think.
The season can’t begin soon enough, for the comic’s sake and for my entertainment’s sake. Gah.
Save us, preseason football! I’ll take three! I’ll even take the HOF game! I need something! Anything!
With tiny Kyler Murray being in the NFC West along with tiny Russell Wilson, it might be fun to do a new series of those comics with each conference’s starting QB involved in something, such as #295 where the NCF South QBs played poker or #446 where the NFC East QBs were in a foot race. Honestly I just need to see my guy Andrew Luck teaching Marriota, Big Dick Nick, and Watson to play Catan.
“With tiny Kyler Murray being in the NFC West along with tiny Russell Wilson…”
Stopped reading right there and immediately went to “Kyler Murray and Russell Wilson in a trenchcoat trying to sneak onto an amusement park ride”.
That’s gold right there, Shelly!
Fuck me this is extremely good
Can I use it
Absolutely you can.
Smith & Smith sacking company. Maybe just a comic about the mew GB Defense in general.
Do the draft cards
Texans botching their GM situation. Also Adam Gase getting Mccagnan fired and lying about it to the press.
OH. LeVeon Bell getting robbed half a million dollars’ worth of jewelry by two women he was in a polyamorous relationship with.
I’m just here for the annual “Oh shit the Titans are a franchise still” comic
Israel Folau, an Australian rugby player, said all gays are going to hell in an Instagram post. His contracts specifically states that he’s not allowed to do that. He was fired and is now suing the Australian Rugby Union about it. He started a GoFundMe for his legal costs, even though he is easily a 10 millionaire. GoFundMe said “you can’t raise money to defend hate speech” so now some Austrailian Christians were collecting the money for him.
Also, Stan Kronke has been ordered to pay St. Louis PSL holders $24 million dollars for jumping out of the last 10 years of their PSL contracts.
Dak got resigned by Dallas you could talk about that. Not really as a money saga comic but just as a comic to poke fun at Dak and the Cowboys
More album covers like that Saquadrophenia one you did last year? There were some hilarious suggestions in the comments for that one. I bet when All or Nothing comes out this year you can do a whole comic of just Cam Newton’s ridiculous outfits that appear in the show
Ahh old friend, how I’ve missed you in my comics.
With the talks of a new stadium for the Bills, how about what stadiums would look like if they were designed by their fans?
– Obviously the new Bills stadium would look like a broken folding table with a field in the middle
– Jets/Giants: A shoddy field underneath 20 highway overpasses
– Packers would be a giant wheel of actual cheese
– Raiders would be milk carton missing photo because they have no fans in vegas
– Etc…
Nice.
– San Francisco: Somewhere anywhere near SF.
– Philly: A jail cell
– Vegas: Something gaudy and expensive
-LA: It’d be hilarious to see a nice Rams stadium with the word Chargers written on cardboard, taped to the side. Basically make it look like the Chargers are completely unwelcome.
Dave,
You could do an offseason comic about the NFL headquarters. What do they do during the offseason? I’m thinking like those old ESPN commercials that showed athletes at the ESPN offices doing regular jobs.
– Goodell figuring out what to spend all his money on
– Waterballoon fights in the NFL HQ
– Goodell and Kraft running into each other in a massage parlor
– Goodell getting into a fight with the owners
– The NFL design team and the Nike design team in a training session run by an elementary school art teacher.
– The NFL staff figuring out show they can make the league even more offense/passing focused.
Good luck weathering the remainder of the offseason with the rest of us.
– Goodell and Kraft running into each other in a massage parlor
I pick this one lol
More subtle than the “sex” cloud in The Lion King. Kudos!
Maybe something about Canadian football? Their season started about three weeks ago.
Ted Ginn wimping out on running 40 yard dashes for $$
I also like the tiny Murray&Wilson duo suggestion
Classic Browns screwing things up
– Art Modell firing Paul Brown
– Jim Brown deciding to be a movie star
– Red Right 88
– All the Elway crap
– Art Modell being terrible
– The rushed expansion
– Paul Rudd’s helmet
– Bottlegate
Man I miss Rex Grossman.
Make it old school Draw Play week. Bring back Johnny and the King, Sean Payton, Walrus Andy, Sexy Sexy, all the past favorites and introduce the new guy, Forky!
I like this idea
Walrus Andy never left
There hasn’t really been any significant news at the moment. That’s why sports media has resorted to endless power rankings, rankings by position, rankings of uniforms, etc. Maybe a gag with that? Though that’s like one comic. Could always make fun of sports media and their reaction to the dry season.
cam newton tried to buy an upgrade on a plane by throwing around cash, and got turned down. that was pretty great
You could bring back the injured reserve series and just put a few players in there, just before the entire redskins roster walks in
I feel like Favre is a pretty goofy guy who doesn’t get a lot of attention and could get into a whole lot of shenanigans as a retired guy.
Or he tries to get a bunch of retired players from that era together to reclaim their glory from the younglings even though nobody else would want to go along with his crazy schemes.
Burfict and Brown and a prank war.
I don’t know whether they’d be punking each other, or just punking their teammates (although seriously, who doesn’t want to see Incognito’s locker filled with whipped cream?), but it popped into my head as a possibility.
False. There is no dry season in Sexy Rexy’s world.
Dry season? Dusty landscape?
I’d expect it to be considerably more moist with a Sexy Rexy mention.
A progression of Buff Dolphins Guy through every Miami QB, from Marino onwards
This would likely be extremely depressing HALFWAY through.
I’d like to see a comic on light saber duals being recognized as an official support by the Fench Fencing Federation recognising lightsaber duals as a sport. Or anything about fencing really.
I shouldn’t have typed this on my phone at 3am.
Got a few Jets ideas:
* Robby Anderson as the Sun God RA, for his “I like it wen da sun come out later” tweet
* Quinnen Williams as an adorable, but deadly teddy bear
* Le’Veon Bell’s god awful rap album
* The hypocrisy of the media shitting on the Jets for dumping Maccagnan then signing Douglas, while the Texans absolutely botched the process worse.
The new Kaepernick thing where he called an old US flag offensive because it’s from a time when slavery was legal would be a doozy. Does that mean anything prior to 1865 is now offensive? Or every flag in human history prior to 1865? What about the Union flag from the civil war? What about other embarrassing periods in American history like Jim Crow laws? Does that make the NFL logo offensive?
This is 2019. Everything is offensive. The things which are not offensive offend those who wish to be offended by them.
Maybe something about deflategate
Gronk denting the Lombardi trophy. I don’t know why this isn’t already a comic. I feel if there’s e dr a time to make an exception to your no Patriots rule it’s for this
Ever a time*
Honestly, if there is a comic I think we need, it’s a Dolphins comic. Mainly because Josh Rosen is there and could be a legitimate franchise QB and right now, his competition for the starting job is……….
A human curse who has a long and stories history of ending the careers of starting qbs