The Money Ship Finds A Stowaway
This is gonna be a good year for the Moneys saga, I can feel it in my bones. My poor, poor bones.
I wasn’t sure whether or not to give Bort a space on the money saga. He got paid significantly less than the other names on here relative to his position. But I can’t deny a good pun life so here we are. You decide Bort’s fate. Should he stay on the ship? Should he be ejected for more 1%ers when he is merely upper middle class? READERS, CHOOSE YOUR ADVENTURE! Gimme a yay or nay vote and I’ll factor it into the future.
One of the weird things about seeing a lesser QB contract get signed is how utterly reasonable it looks for all involved. We don’t have a bloated nonsense contract with more money than is ever needed being paid to some people who have earned it and most who simply got it because of how the market values their positions and team desperation. Bort is where I feel like most QBs honestly should be closer to outside the total bonafide studs like Rodgers. 54 Mill is nothing to sneeze at, but it’s also not unreasonable and doesn’t hold the Jags cap hostage on a questionable investment.
This is a win for both parties. Bort gets paid plenty, which after his best year makes him a little more deserving. He’s still not overpaid, because the Jags can cut him loose without too much dead money damage, which gives him motivation to work harder and get better. It gives the Jags working room to sign free agents in the future to get over that hump and stay as competitive as they were in 2017. It gives a guy who hasn’t gotten much respect a chance to prove himself. Bort did what he needed to this year, he deserved some compensation for that.
Side note, it was weird to draw that second panel and have to remember how many players have ended up in this saga. And this one ignores Brock Osweiler, Romo, and Cutler, who have also appeared. I keep wondering if I forgot someone else.
Also to follow up from Saturday lmao a 2nd and a 4th for Marcus Peters? I hope the Chiefs know something we don’t because that’s highway robbery.
ofc yay
Think of the meme-y possibilities
Why would Bort be allowed, but Alex Smith isn’t there yet? Are we waiting for the date his contract turns official?
He’s already on the moon, Starship Money will probably touch down(heh) on his spiffy Moonbase built by Snyder money when that contract becomes official.
Just wanna give you props right now for calling that Smith is gonna be in future comics via the moon
Hold up. He’s on Mars.
http://www.thedrawplay.com/comic/alex-smith-beats-patriots/
Did you forget that Alex Smith is on mars now? Or did he float back to the moon after KC let Marcus Mariota catch his own pass for a touchdown?
Like the Jaguars are going to likely say to Bottles after the 2018 season, I vote nay.
Nay, a-Bort this, throw him out the airlock.
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Kidding, kidding. Of course yes. The more the merrier, for the jolly Money Wars saga.
Just an idea: As a reminder of Bort’s comparatively saner contract, have him be the janitor for the team doing odd jobs while everyone else doesn’t forget to poke jokes on the fact that he’s not as rich as the rest of them.
Looking forward to see what new names this crew gets to add in the future. Maybe someday, we’ll reach a full 53-man roster, even! (whaddya mean, way too many QBs?!)
I fully endorse Bortles as the “poorest” QB.
Eh, Bortles’ contract isn’t that egregious given that he’s still worth to have as a starter for consistency purposes, and the inflation of contracts will make his look fine by next year so he doesn’t belong on the ship.
Hell Yay.
I’m glad Bortles got a new contract. The Jags got a great deal at only $54 mil. Since Bortles was already guaranteed $19 mil for the 2018 with the 5th year option. Also, the way the contract is structured it actually creates more salary cap space for the Jags next year by reducing Bortles cap space charge by $9 mil. If Bortles plays out this contract it will be a great deal for the Jags at only about 18 mil per year. Quarterbacks are getting paid $20+ mil per year big money.
LOL Could that rocket ship be any more phallic shaped?
The other one you forgot/didn’t include is Revis.
I like the idea of keeping Blake abort as the janitor or token poor.
I think when they find Alex Smith on the moon, maybe he could have a sanctuary for guys like Revis and Brock Lobster. Guys who signed big deals that didn’t work or or past their prime or what not.
Really? Reasonable? Just because he’s cheaper doesn’t make it reasonable at all. There was no team more hamstrung by bad QB play than the Jaguars. Their game plan for the season was literally to keep the ball out of Bortles’ hands as much as they could, for crying out loud. They could have upgraded the position for a fraction of the price. You can’t say the same about anyone else on the list except maybe Dalton and Tannehill.
Honestly. That’s a mistake. They won the seahawks game because of him. And they lost the championship game because they did that.
I’m pretty sure the Russell Wilson interceptions helped a lot. And even if he had a good game, so what? The difference between a starting and a replacement-caliber QB is consistency. Bortles’ body of work shows he isn’t a starter. The Jags have a championship-caliber team right now. They should be doing everything they can to take advantage of it instead of hoping they can catch lightning in a bottle like the Eagles did with Foles who by the way has shown he can consistently perform at a much higher level than Bortles.
What’s Ben roethlesburger’s contract
I think his contract is about 19 college age girls and a case of tequila each Tuesday night.
Lol
I think he should stay, but have to spend his time as the janitor.
DAVE DID YOU SEE ANTONIO BROWNS CONTRACT? 68 MILLION WITH 20 MILLION FOR SURE!!!!!!!!!
Keep him! Keep him! Keep him! Keep him!
Not that I’m biased or anything.
His contract is smaller than Alex Smith’s, and Smith isn’t on here. EJECT THE STOWAWAY!
I say he should stay. Not because his contract is all ELITE MONEYS, but more so because a few months ago, Jacksonville was for sure moving on from him in the offseason. He responded with a very Bortles-esque season and got paid. It may not be truly elite, but somehow he managed to hang onto his job there. For now atleast.
The fort needs all of the moneys to touch the money gods
Also, there goes my Eli to J’ville theory.
Yay. Blake Bortles the Butt-Monkey.
after money forts and castles and islands and now rocket ships, im wondering what the end game here is
money planets? solar systems? galaxies? multiverses?
lol, “burnt”
The Russell Wilson gag never gets old. Never.
The only one whose Funko Pop is 1:1 scale.
Here’s a list of the highest current contracts:
http://www.spotrac.com/nfl/rankings/contract-value/
And highest career earnings of active players through 2017:
http://www.spotrac.com/nfl/rankings/earnings/
There’s a bunch of players who could be members of the club.
There was a revis comic,
Also why you gotta keep clowning Wilson like that
Keep him
Nay, feed him to the rancor
Eli Manning is one that should be in there too. JPP and Jack Rabbit both have salaries too
Keep him because his awkward presence is the same in money forts as it is on his own team. So meta.
I guess I would let Bortles stay. But he’s definitely the ringless rivers of the group.
Make Blake the cook.
“What’s for dinner, Blake?”
“Bort-k chops in a Bort wine reduction”
*everyone punches Blake*
“Uh…how about Bort-scht?”
*more punches*
*staggers* “Gnuh…may…be…Bort-wursts…”
*Blake literally dies*
Bets comment ever! In case you don’t know, I hate jags. A lot.
Nay.
Have him build his own rocket ship, with hookers, blow, and Mike Glennon
<3
Bortles can work construction on the moon base while ripping cigs.
I was going to say Buddha. But haven’t read the other comments, I say keep them around in a junior deckhand capacity. The cabin bort.
I’ve always wondered why Brees isn’t a part of the gang. Wasn’t he among the first $100mil contracts?
Keep Blake Bortles!
I think Bort becomes the Tiny Tim of the money saga. Or other players throw money at him to debase himself in various hilarious ways. Or Bort keeps trying to invite people to his money slip n slide or go for a ride in his money sensibly priced sedan.
He can stay, but the other QBs still rib him for being the poorest on the ship.
Build Bort’s quarters entirely out of change, as he can’t afford to do it with bills.
That is a great idea
Nay, bortles hasn’t been good long enough and he has only had one good year.
That’s my quarterback. *sniff*
I hate cats now, yet my school mascot is a cat. SCREW THE JAGS:(
Yeah. We seem to have your number for some reason. lol
I say nay. I am wondering why offense and defense are together all of sudden. I thought they were still enemies.
I think that a high paid linebacker should be introduced as an alien chestburster that slowly takes over the ship.
I say let him stay but can you make it awkward for him.
Back to football (for me and that Rattlers fan anyway: https://m.youtube.com/watch?t=4s&v=4XLpPqDXwZE)
The article I mentioned https://hotsprotstakes.com/2018/02/26/ifl-week-1-reactions-can-anyone-stop-arizona-and-sioux-falls/
He should totally stay, but as like a sidekick or a servant.
Reasonable contract you say?
NAY! Only overpaid athletes who haven’t accomplished anything can stay on the Rocket Ship.
I mean, Bortles hasn’t “accomplished” anything like they have so he has to go.
I say yay. Let him stay but have him constantly be the subject of ribbing and jokes, along with wherever they end up having him stay get smaller and smaller as more players board.
Also, as an addition to who may be being forgotten/left behind, I know it was never officially a money fort, but there was a comic for when Bradford got paid with the Eagles.
Also as to who could be added, Suh has never been added but has the 4th highest cap hit, someone else mentioned Big Ben who is 8th, along with Eli at 10th,
I’d say Nay, becuase if he’s there then Brock osweiler should’ve been part of it, he to $22 million more than Bort
He is getting paid $18 mill to be the 20th best QB in the league
Boot the Bort! Let him float in space like the final episode of Firefly – maybe he’ll hitch a ride on a catch-up rocket. And if you can show Brock Osweiler burning up on re-entry some how, that would make my day!
Abort! Abort. You’re gonna need those extra rations shortly for when the USS Cousins Docks shortly, and Suh aint on there, Fletcher Cox aint on there (understandable given your Eagles hatred), Malik Jackson gets paid more than Olivier Vernon, etc etc.
Frankly there’s enough huge money contracts out there now to split into 2 factions … the “Amazingly Fat Contracts” and the “Noticeably Fat Contracts” ….
I’m guessing Cousins will have a money death star, then?
I say yes he should stay because the more Bortles there are, the better life is. Would love to see Jason Mendoza cheering him on in the background if you’re a fan of The Good Place
Bort can only stay on as as a servant. Like a bortler or a chef. A swedish chef… BORT BORT BORT.
JK throw him out the port port port side.
If Bell gets paid by the Steelers, you could possible make another Money space ship, or like Dan had said, making a Money Death Star. The Brown-Bell Fleet.
Also here’s something that might possible maybe change this whole series (may not be true, but hey could happen):
Packers working on deal for Aaron Rodgers that likely surpasses Garoppolo’s – NBC Sports
https://apple.news/AQ42l_aV_RpeJrYrPQLmSuQ
I vote nay. 54 million over 3 years isn’t ridiculous like the 5 or 6 years for 110-120 million.
BUT, I do think he should try to be someone who is always trying to join the crew. Like that annoying little brother who follows around big brother and big brother’s friends. Perhaps the crew could be forced by a matronly figure to take Bort on?
Nay, let tiny russsell Wilson eat him. Or have him get shot by the giant money laser used by Antonio brown, either way
lol69th
Keep Bort. The Money Crew is going to need every man they can get for the coming war with the NBA stars.
Keep Bort as like the poor kid they keep around for fun.
The entire ship gets destroyed by a satellite built with Kirk Cousins’ money.
Yay, have him be responsible for transporting Wilson
NAY! I say $75 mil contract minimum!
Eject the Bort