Merry Christmas To All and To All Screw Philly
MERRY CHRISTMAS READERS. Thank you so much for reading The Draw Play. I love you. I would kiss you, but that might make it weird. Let’s keep it normal.
I came up with this idea in July and it sat on a notepad on my phone for months because I just had to use it when the time was right, and that is today, on Christmas Eve 2016. Say it with me fam, Fuck Da Eagles. Screw them Eagles. Those Eagles are bad. I hate them. Boooo. Boo the Eagles. It is your duty as an American to boo the Philadelphia Eagles. When I was at home for Thanksgiving this year, my dad sat down during a game with the Eagles and out of the blue said “I hate the Eagles more than any other team” and in that moment I have never been more proud to be his son. The Eagles are bad and poopy. Poopy birds. Birds that not only poop everywhere, but are made of poop, and then they poop in the air and swoop down so that they can eat their own poop. Pooples.
Do you like the Eagles? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t make fun of you. It wasn’t your fault. You were probably born into it, or latched on when they were good (but never good enough) back around the turn of the century. You may never win a Super Bowl (god willing) but this is your fandom and you have chosen it. Just know that you are poopy and you like poop birds that poop and eat their own poop. Philly Cheesesteaks are overrated greaseballs, you built a statue of a movie character because none of your actual sports heroes are worth it. You have the liberty bell, a bell that is mostly known for not being very well made. You were once the Capital City of The United States, but they moved you, because ewww. Ben Franklin was a big thing in Philly, but he didn’t even get to be president. Loser.
Go Giants
Philly fans are pretty thoughtful only throwing AAAs at him though, no D cells or 9Vs to be found!
That’s extra douche-y because almost nothing uses AAA batteries anymore
Merry Christmas Dave! This comic made me laugh more than I maybe should have.
FUCK DA EAGLES
GO STEELERS
Shit the Browns won a game
God is real, time to go to church
You’re just upset because Bad Eli showed up on Thurs. 😉 [Yes, I know you made this beforehand, but what perfect timing, eh?]
I generally hate the “Santa Claus vs Eagles fans” thing, but this one is very well done.
Merry Christmas Dave!
Merry Christmas to all, and to all fuck da eagles.
I am proud to be an Philadelphia Eagles fan!! No matter how many battery or booing Santa Claus jokes everyone makes. Love your comics btw. Keep up the good work (even if it involves my beloved Birds)
A little bitter about thursday?
Merry christmas man!
At least you’re not the niners
As a niner fan, at least we can all bond over the fact that neither of us are the browns.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays
But the brown WON on Christmas eve sooo…
and the 49ers also won, which means the Browns keep the first overall pick, sooo…
But Dave, how do you REALLY feel?
We all have that team we would like to see lose more than our own team win. Mine’s the Packers and I am hoping my Vikes can pull off a Christmas miracle today. Merry Christmas Dave, and a Happy New Year!!
When the Giants take the L
FUCK DA GIANTS
GO EAGLES
Santa’s revenge
FUCK DA NFC EAST
Ringless Rivers ends the Curse of the Manziel
It’s a Christmas miracle… The Browns actually won.
Haha, Santa is playing Bloodborne? Great!
It is a known fact that the Eagles like pee pee AND doo doo. Known fact.
Concur on the hover text
Merry Christmas, Dave!
This cartoon would have made my day, but it was already made: THE BROWNS WON A GAME!!!!
And then the 49ers somehow ALSO won — so we still have the #1 pick!
Ho ho ho!
Also: Tom Brady ain’t the GOAT!
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and the whole NFL
Was wishing an end to Roger Goodell.
So tired of his crap and the sport’s dull facade,
That no one on Earth found this rancor quite odd.
The Patriots fans burst from brimming with pride
(And everyone knows that they can be quite snide),
As Tom Brady reigned from an MVP chair
And laughed a cold laugh with a colder-still stare.
Underinflation was no more a thing
(though the under-inflated ratings do sting),
But the product still withered ahead of its time
As people had visions of Owens and Prime.
“This league is no fun” the fandoms kept saying,
“The players are rich, but the product’s decaying!
“They are not allowed to have any fun,
“To dance or enhance the fun things that they’ve done!
“And heaven forbid a shoe that is tied
“With wrong colored laces while letting it slide
“That women are beaten with nary a care
“(Unless a video camera is there).”
“The scoring is up, but there’s more to the game
“There’s joy and emotion that’s barely contained!
“All Goodell wants is a professional show
“But there’s something important he really should know:
“We watch to escape the the drudges of work
“To cheer for our heroes, to boo all the jerks,
“To revel in all of the ups and the downs,
“(the later especially if you love the Browns).
“What none of us wishes when we watch great plays
“Are ticky-tack flags taking great plays away!
“And would it be really so painful a stretch
“To not call incomplete an incredible catch?”
But out in the winds of New York’s highest heights
Old Roger ignored all the fandoms’ sad plights.
He cared not a whit as he pissed on the dreams–
He delighted in hearing all their plaintive screams.
“Concussions,” he said, “Aren’t really that bad–
“Oh wait, we’ve been sued? Tell the press that we’ve had
“The players fine health as our greatest concern
“So what that our experts distort all they learn?
“I’ll milk all the money I possibly can
“From every single devoted young fan.
“And it doesn’t matter the press calls me greedy
“Because I have sold billionaires as the needy.
“And all of these workers who slave day by day–
“How dare all these ungrateful workers dare say
“That they want their brains to stay brains and not mush
“That they don’t want depression, dementia, and such.
“I am the commish, and that makes me right,”
He said to himself on this Christmas Eve night.
But still one by one the fandoms stopped fanning
And thwarted the plans Goodell had been planning.
The owners grew tired of his self-righteous shtick
And they voted at once and fired him quick.
And the fandoms exlcaimed as he fell from their view,
“Happy Christmas to all, except, Rog’, to you.”
This is great.
The only good thing about Philly is the Flyers.
By the way, merry Christmas, Dave.
Let’s GOOOO! Jags Superbowl Champs 2018!
My screen name should tell you which NFL team I love to see lose. Love you, too, Dave (in the non-weird way). Go Big Blue!
I’m honestly not sure what’s stupider. Eagles fans throwing batteries at Santa, or the fact that they’re throwing batteries at Santa that are STILL CHARGED.
*pulls pin* Happy Holidays Dave and everyone in Team TDP! *runs like a bastard*
This made me laugh so hard! Go Lions (so by extension GO Giants!)
It’s kind of sad that my girlfriend and I, who were both born about 25 years after that game, had to explain this joke to my mom, who was 15 when it happened. Her response was to ask why the Eagles fans brought batteries to the game. We said it was for the same reason the Browns fans did to the Beer Game in 2002 – to throw at people. She still didn’t understand.
Everything about this post aged well….