Meet the Bryants Week 2 – Monopoly
Are you confused? Read yesterday’s comic, we got a week of Dez Bryant name puns!
I don’t know if I’ve ever actually finished a game of monopoly. Is it possible to finish Monopoly? The few times I’ve tried basically one person got off to a good start and basically…well started to earn a monopoly of the board. But not quite fast enough, so the game lingered on as the rest of us slowly crumbled trying to claim a railroad or one of the mediocre spots. We watched as our business slowly crumbled and bank accounts dwindled, and we slowly gave up and did something else so we didn’t have to think about it anymore and just accepted our sad fate. As I type this I realize maybe we did play monopoly correctly.
Did anyone else take all the hotels and houses and set up little fake neighborhoods then drive the car piece through them? Or blow up the neighborhood with other toys? I liked to have my lego men rampage the town. Or make the doggy piece drive the car? The Thimble wore the hat piece really well. I never knew what to do with the iron though. I’m not sure why Monopoly had an iron piece anyway. Actually, why did it have a battleship? Or a thimble? None of these things seem to fit the theme. That game was dumb. Life was better. Then I could have tragic car crashes and pretend that life was fantastic because every turn made me write the great american novel or something equally bullshit. Plus the spinner was fun to play with and if you took it apart it looked like a UFO. I also set up big fake battles with my Risk pieces instead of play that game correctly.
Please tell me I wasn’t the only person who did this I’m beginning to think I was weird.
“Is it possible to finish Monopoly?”
yes. first person to flip the game board over and declare a communist revolution wins.
^ winner winner chicken dinner FOR EVERYONE
I have never played a game of Monopoly where anyone was happy at the end. Even the people who win, at least in my experience, feel like they could’ve better spent those two hours.
I have a really nice anniversary RISK set in my basement that’s in a wooden box and everything, but has never been used because nobody I know is willing to play a game that long and complex. I just want to use it at least once…
I’d play it with you over Skype (If I ever get an account). Out of all of the board games, I’m surprised Dave didn’t mention Sorry or Trouble
“Two” hours?! Ummmmm did you mean twenty-two?
Its alright Dave, you’re one of us.
We think you’re weird too.
I finished Monopoly once…once long ago
Most of my Monopoly games ended in either rage or boredom, but one time whilst playing with my brothers I actually won by owning every property on the board. It was glorious.
You can finish a game of Monopoly in the time it takes to set up a game of Risk. Which is why EVERY kid who ever “played” Risk really just used the pieces to set up battles outside of the structure of the game, just like you did.
Some of these kids would eventually discover Axis & Allies, which has much cooler pieces than Risk. They would also just set up battles instead of playing the game correctly because finding anyone under the age of 35 who wants to play Axis & Allies with you is only theoretically possible.
Monopoly is one of my least favorite board games I’ve ever played.
1. It’s an elimination game, so not everyone finishes the game at the same time. That in itself isn’t that big of a problem until you throw in just how long the game takes. Someone may get eliminated, and the remaining people still have 6 hours left to play. No bueno.
2. In the end, only one person can truly be successful. It’s not like other board games such as Settlers of Catan where everyone can be successful, even if only one person is successful ENOUGH to win. In Monopoly, one person is successful, and everyone else fails miserably. Kind of kills the morale of the board game.
3. On the same note, for all but one person, it ends up being the experience of slowly, painfully going bankrupt. Watching all of your possessions and money slip away into the hands of one ultra-rich person. They’ve got a stack of $500 bills two inches thick and you can’t afford the normal rent on Marvin Gardens. Getting to the lowest point in the game where the safest financial move for you is to remain in jail, and coming to the sad realization that the game is a reflection of some of the things that happen in real life.
It was a game designed to teach a lesson in the dangers of rampant capitalism, with a partner game to show a better way of life with it. I will never understand how the one that was meant to let you experience a small glimpse of the suffering of going destitute is the one that caught on.
Interesting, I never knew there was a partner board game that wasn’t so bleak in its outcome. What is it called?
You really should check out the game Forbidden Island. It is a cooperative game where the board (made of tiles) is sinking into the sea and everybody must work together to collect ancient treasure like Indiana Jones and then “get to da choppa” as the game itself tries to kill everyone. Either all survive and win or people die or treasure is lost and everyone fails. Either way, super fun and everyone is into it until the end.
And it’s only $14 at that Bullseye store or on that South American River online retailer.
Thanks for the recommendation. Sounds fun, I’ll check it out.
A game I’ve played which is somewhat similar to that is called Pandemic. The board is a map of the world, and several viruses are spreading which you have to try to cure and eliminate. Everyone works together like in the game you mentioned, so either everyone succeeds or everyone fails.
I heard fox broadcasting ordered 13 episodes of this show to put on their animation domination lineup
i always love when joe buck says “after the game stay tuned for ANIMATION DOMINATION on fox”, but i don’t really know why.
I played Monopoly all the time. I love it, always used to beat my friends. They got mad but it’s ok they’re Patriots fans.
“How come Prez is never able to gauge you?”
Did you mean gouge? Or does gauge have a meaning in this context I don’t know?
Fun fact: EVERY ONE OF YOU HAS BEEN PLAYING MONOPOLY WRONG YOUR WHOLE LIVES!
I’m putting this down from memory so it might be slightly off, but the gist is – when someone lands on a property, they either buy it or it goes to auction among all players. This A) makes it more interesting because there’s more wheeling and dealing and B) makes it faster because there’s less waiting around to land on a space.
Don’t get me wrong – everyone still ends the game in a bad mood, they were just able to get it over with more quickly.
Also I could be wrong on this, I read it awhile ago, but odds are you haven’t read this far.
FALSE. I played with the auction rule.
I have a Monopoly Playmaster (pic in link) and it has the auction rules. This actually does make Monopoly more fun, interesting, and plays faster.
http://www.x-entertainment.com/articles/0797/3.jpg
did Fez Bryant make a dezposit, then?
http://cs625725.vk.me/v625725184/231bf/gx6r2EAT_kc.jpg
Whenever you’re facing inevitable defeat at Monopoly just introduce new house rules of adding corporate subsidies and wealth redistribution to the game. This way nobody wins.
Do the other players have more houses then you? Make a new rule where property taxes are collected every time they pass GO. Property taxes start at 5% and increase by 2% for the “assessed value of the property” each other time around the board.
Isn’t that how you WITHDRAW from a dispenser by the way? If Fez was making a deposit, shouldn’t Pez have extended his neck vertically?
Gouge, maybe? Gauge seems a weird word to use there.
I used to play as the Scottie dog and pee all over my opponents’ houses, hotels and tokens whenever I was on the same square as them.