Joe Burrow’s Celebration Hits A Snag
Congrats to LSU! It was briefly in doubt for part of that game but then they turned into the team I presume they were all year and defeated Football Thor. Human Walnut coach O got his big win. Happy for the Tigers. Joe Burrow set the single season TD record and looked very much like the #1 overall pick he probably deserves to be. Hooray! I was rooting for LSU mostly because I like their uniforms and also Clemson won more recently.
I mostly just wanted to poke fun of the fact that now he’s going to the Bengals and that will probably suck as the Bengals are a mess. Unlike the tanking teams the Bengals were trying to win last year for a time and that didn’t work out. I would not be thrilled at the idea of going to work for notorious cheapo Mike Brown. Sucks for Joe! Maybe he’ll be good enough. We don’t know. Might be fun to see.
That was really all I had for this until we got the real story of the win. MORE OBJ DRAMA BABY!
OBJ, former LSU player and notorious attention seeker, did an exceptionally OBJ thing after the win. He went around handing out cash money to the players. Okay! That’s stupid and weird but like…whatever? He was clearly happy for the dudes and wanted to celebrate in his own way. OBJ is kinda weird but that seems harmless to me. If he wants to make it rain on LSU players then why the fuck should I care? Well…NCAA sanctions. Because of course.
The NCAA is such a bunch of fucks and they are the fun police and their rules for amateur athletes are insane. There is a very real possibility that LSU will get punished because under NCAA rules, these athletes are not allowed to accept any gifts/bribes/etc and oh my god the NCAA can go fuck itself with a rusty garden rake. I’m actually not one of those people who demands the NCAA must pay the players. I’d be fine with it if they did pay the players, but I’m not one of those who thinks this is a must. What I hate about the NCAA rules is everything else related to that. I hate that players can’t accept gifts. I hate that players can’t make any money from autographs or merchandise. I hate that they get nothing from promotions or sales that the school uses to promote them. If you don’t want to pay the players directly…fine. But let them make money from themselves. They are a brand in college football. They are worth something. They should be allowed to cash in on that. The fact that a coach can’t take a player out to lunch at McDonalds one day without that being an NCAA violation that could cost them a scholarship and damage the school’s reputation. That is so fucking absurd. I want to meet everyone in charge of deciding these policies and everyone who defends them and punch all of them square in the dick. Fuck the NCAA.
LSU just completed a dominant season. Burrow finished a year for the ages. Let the team fucking celebrate their accomplishments. Let OBJ give them straight cash homey. It does nothing to devalue the sport. Who gives a flying fuck outside these crusty old purists who have a financial interest in keeping the system how it is. They can eat it. Let the kids party.
Unrelated, OBJ apparently also slapped a police officer’s butt during the party and apparently now there is an arrest warrant out for him because of that. So that’s a thing too!
Ending note: I don’t plan on making a comic about Luke Kuechly retiring. I found that mostly depressing, so if you were waiting for a comic about that, don’t hold out hope. My thoughts on the matter are basically this: well that sucks, he must have some major life altering risk if he keeps playing so he made a tough decision. Sad to see him go, glad he’s taking care of himself, wish him the best.
They should tell the Redskins they are taking Chase Young in hopes of moving back one spot gaining a draft pick and still get Burrow. Or just take Young he is the best player and they need more help than quarterback
Yeah im not convinced the Bungles are gona draft Burrow either… and my personal believe is that they should NOT draft a QB this year anyways unless they are 150% convinced hes the next Russel Willson (any other type of QB is gona fuckin die in their offense and will look like shit runing for his life all the time)
They got sooooo many holes to fill on that team i dont even know where to start… no defense, no pass rush, no oline (as a result no RB either)… do they have any recivers even? Or corners?
This is gona sound completely ridiculous buuuut… its armchair GMing anyways so why not go crazy… if i where the Bungels GM id draft Young and then trade the entire remaining draft away for picks in the next draft, then start over from there. Or a bit less crazy, check the market if anyone wants to give them a kings ransom for Burrow @ 1., then draft Young and focus heavy on oline and defense.
The problem with the draft this year tho seems to be that Burrow and Young are locked 1&2 but the teams drafting 2 3 and 4 dont need a QB (the Giants got Jones, the Lions Stafford and im assuming the Skins are gona stick with Haskins / maybe even get Smith back) So the first team that could potentaly want to trade up for Burrow is the Lolphins at spot 5.
Im gona say tho the Phins Chargers and Panthers are hella lucky this year with 3 teams set at QB drafting before them. Even the Jags at 9 still have good chances of getting a top QB prospect…
Just to be a devil’s advocate, I took a look at the QBs taken in the first 10 draft spots of the last 10 years, ending with the ’09 draft.
http://www.nfl.com/draft/history/fulldraft?position=QB&type=position
You’ve got Luck at #1, Newton at #1, Stafford at #1, MaHomeBoy at #10 and it appears now – can’t believe I’m saying this – mayyyyyybe Tannehill at #8.
It’s a pretty steep cliff after that. All of the other ‘top prospect’ qbs taken in the first 10 picks are either a complete @#$&show, or it’s way too soon to gauge, like Mayfield and Jones.
Well Wentz deserves a mention and Bradford too, he just couldnt stay healthy (and it looks like Wentz might be going down the Bradford route too sadly but he draged the Iggles to the playoffs this year almost by himself and despite most of the teams best efforts at an early vacation season…)
But yeah other than that big YIKES. To be fair to most of those guys tho, they got thrown into terrible situations to begin with and Tannehill is proving this season that he can deliver if the rest of his team isnt made (mostly) out of ass… which was the point of my comment, the Bungels right now suck so much everywhere no QB is gona be an improvement right of the bat.
I wavered on Wentz and Bradford, but those injuries are just waaaay too frequent. Wentz dragging his team to the playoffs is meaningless if he’s never available to actually play in them. If you poke Jones in the arm he fumbles. You poke Wentz in the arm, DUDE FALLS APART. Some guys are just magnets for injury. I guess.
Definitely agreed, the draft system is practically designed to grind the best qbs into paste. Teams with a Top 5, Top 10 pick usually pick that high for a reason – they stink. It’s rare to have a team like the 9ers get a high pick because of an injury to Jimmy G, and then use that player to bounce right back the next season.
SO MANY PHONE CAMERAS
I think you could have fit a few more cameras on that phone.
and yes, Keuchly retiring is depressing, he was the only one on that Panthers defense still trying, plus I never learned to spell his name right and now I never will.
Yay! An LSU comic. Considering the wonderful job my Saints did, at least LSU could win a big game in New Orleans.
Sadly LSU is no longer my team. My parent met there in the 70s so I still cheer for them, so it was still awesome, but my favorite part of this season was when they made all the UGA fans sad (go Jackets). I kept worrying that Burrows insane throws wouldn’t work all season, but then he kept hitting them. It’s one thing to make throws to wide open dudes like Oklahoma and the Air Raid teams, but Burrow was throwing to tightly covered guys all year like he was possessed by Young Drew Brees, but had the mobility and arm strength of Russell Wilson. Hanging 4.5 TDs a game against one of the hardest championship gauntlets in history? I’m convinced we’ll never see anything like that again and LSU should just retire the football team. Best season/QB season in 150 years? Only one way to go now, down. You can’t top it.
Good luck to Kuechly. The guy has had at least five concussions, including at least two serious TBIs. He’s made $63M in his career. Even if the Panthers (rightfully) ask for his $11M in remaining dead money back, it’s better to get out now than get wheeled off the field in a few years.
OBJ is silly, but both of those things are ultimately meaningless. For good gaming the cop he’ll get a small fine and maybe some community service that shouldn’t be hard for a New Orleans native to serve when he probably already does good works down there. Throwing cash around might get him banned from LSU games for a year but that would be the most that would happen to him.
I wouldn’t even remotely call what OBJ is currently involved in ‘meaningless.’
I’m not saying he will/won’t serve time, but ‘Simple Battery’ is a crime. And it involves up to 6 months in jail. Will he be found guilty and sentenced to half a year in jail? Proooobably not. I mean, he’s an absolute stupid moron, and every day that goes by brings me more and more and more joy that he’s not on the Giants. But he’s a mostly-harmless narcissistic kind of moron, so a slap on the wrist might be all he gets. If it were up to me, I’d give him 5 months and 29 days.
BUT. If the system wants to make an example of the idiot for being a completely stupid idiot, similar to how the state of NY wanted to make an example of Plaxico Burress for firing a gun into his own buttox in a public venue… *THAT* is the way to do it – 6 months. The fact that they served him an arrest warrant kinda says they want to turn this into a massive red light warning to others.
I’ve been on both sides of the aisle in a major Southern city. Trust me, what he did was ultimately meaningless, especially since the cop apparently didn’t want him charged and the Orleans Parish DA charged him in reaction to the national outrage (in states whose laws are based on civil code rather than English Common Law, the victim doesn’t press charges for offenses against the body, since all criminal power belongs to the state).
The cop originally wanted sexual assault and a judge said that was stupid. NOPD is determined to make a mountain out of a molehill for some reason.
The cop didn’t want to charge him. Complainants don’t have a right to press charges in Louisiana, so it wasn’t up to him.
“he must have some major life altering risk if he keeps playing”
What, like playing professional football?
Also apparently not a cop, but a mall cop (ok, security guard). He was stupid and shouldn’t have done it. An arrest warrant is massive overkill.
Ok Dave, you didn’t want to have an opinion on Joe Judge. But now that it looks like The Clapper will be his OC……
In regards to the NCAA, you remember the movie Hoosiers? Well, in order to fill out the cast, they got some players from small local colleges to play some of the players on opposing team(s). In response to these basketball players being paid to play at playing basketball, the NCAA suspended all of them for 3 games and demanded that they give up their acting paychecks because they were being paid to play basketball.
It took them being sued to give up their bullshit and recognize that being paid *to act out a scripted basketball game* was not in fact the same as being a professional basketball player.
The NCAA is the most cancerous organization in sports. They are worse than FIFA. They are worse than Goodell. I despise the NCAA with every fiber of my being. They are amoral dirtbags of the lowest caliber, with ethics that would make any person with a soul cringe with shame. They abuse kids– and yes, 18 year olds, particularly with the sheltering the scholarship kids have are mostly kids (as are most of the 21-22 year olds who finish the programs), take advantage of unrealistic dreams, and profit on unpaid labor. They aren’t the worst organization in the world, but they are firmly one of the worst that operates (almost) exclusively on American soil.
Also – I’m convinced Louisiana sports teams can never be dynasty’s because they party too much. I remember the 2010 Saints and how out of shape and tired they looked all season (especially the defensive vets, who looked liked they aged 5 years that off-season), because the parties in New Orleans just never stopped. When I saw how crazy the LSU team was partying and OBJs p
antics (which I’m chalking up to just throwing a crazy party), I thought, well, that’s why they could never win em back to back.
OBJ: I’d tap that ass.
OBJ: *gets arrested*
The Bengals are so incompetent they can’t even spell ‘Cincinnati’ correctly….