JJ Wildman part 2
Mar26
on March 26, 2015
at 12:01 am
What to do if you encounter a JJ Watt in the wild:
1. Do not panic. He can smell the fear and is drawn to it. It gives him strength
2. Your phone can function as a form of mace. Attempt to take a selfie with Watt in the background. the light should blind him and give you temporary reprieve.
3. Should the Selfie only make him mad, blast loud music, preferably House and Dubstep. It will confuse the Watt.
4. Drop everything you hold to prevent him from strip sacking you, then yell “I HAVE NO TOUCHDOWNS”, he will see you as worthless.
5. If he still yet comes, play sacked. If lucky, the Watt will celebrate and salute the trees, then wander off.
6. But really, just accept your death.
It’s a shame the AFC South has the NFC South this year. This would have been an amazing setup if they’d had the NFC North.
The Panthers have a RB named Fozzie Whittaker, so it works fine.
When encountering a Watt always make sure you Sexy Rexy!
I HAVE NO TOUCHDOWNS!
This comic was so much fun to read. The Watt does not approve.
How do you Sexy Rexy anyway? Is it a dance?!?!?!
You summon the Sex Cannon to fart
Not even a year into his contract Watt renegotiates to give Houston more cap space. Just when I think I can’t love the guy more, he makes a big-time team-player move.
He changed it into a signing bonus instead of a roster bonus. He is still getting the same amount of cash and it is guaranteed now. Seen as a team move but not really.
And it’s going to come back to bite them in the ass. The Lions couldn’t franchise Suh because the restructures skyrocketed his cap hit to make the tag worth something ridiculous. Same thing is going to happen to the Texans with Watt if they continue doing that.
The Texans won’t franchise Watt, they will sign him to a contract extension.
Suh was a knucklehead and Detroit passed on re-signing him to a crippling contract.
I think Watt will be there for the duration of his career.
I’m talking about the astronomical cap hit. Suh had a 21M hit in the final year of his contract and the Lions STILL have nearly 10M in dead money THIS YEAR from that deal. Restructures don’t fix anything. They just make the problem worse in the future.
Watt’s already under a long term contract. The only thing the restructure does is add $2M to the cap hit for each of the remaining years of his contract. Granted, I believe they shouldn’t do that again because that will make it worse down the line, but for this one time, I can deal with it
It’s not even a restructure in the traditional sense, more of a team option for how they want to handle cap/free agency this year. He had an abnormal $10M roster bonus that would have made his cap hit go from ~$26M to ~$16M in the following years.
Had free agency not gone as well they could have just eaten the $10M to front load his contract more, but the option was there if they needed the cash this year. In general, you’re right about the “kicking the can down the road”, but this was an unusual scenario by design
This is why Houston should become the Light bulbs . lol
Will the Don’t-Care Bear be making a cameo in this series?
Only to get sacked and eaten by JJ Wildwatt.
Two more coats for WildWatt
I lost it at UNTZ UNTZ UNTZZ
“Mess’n with Sasqwatt” should be a regular series.
As a Colts fan, JJ Watt is the only true fear I have ever felt in the realm of the AFC South. He is the bane of our existence, the terror in the night. He is fear, he is might, he is power. He is the embodied spirit of every ounce of nervous tension before the snap.
And he’s such a cool guy too.
This is one of the few times where I laughed substantially harder at your comments after the comic than the comic itself. Though the Smoky cameo got a chuckle.