Jason Witten Plays Stadiums and Touchdowns
I never had the chance to comment on Jason Witten retiring so I hope this works as a legacy comic.
Jason Witten was awesome. Jason Witten was everything you want in a tight end. Jason Witten is a hall of famer. I hated his guts.
Jason Witten was Giants kryptonite. I fully believe he’d have just been a good player and not quite a hall of famer if the Giants didn’t exist. I swear that dude put up every personal game best against the Giants. The dude had some sort of magical ability to just completely disguise himself from view on 3rd downs and get wide open despite running a 20 minute 40 yard dash. Part of that may have been the Giants complete lack of a quality coverage linebacker since at least 2011 but most of it was Jason Goddamn Witten being a lumbering ninja.
I didn’t expect him to suddenly be a color analyst but from what little I’ve heard from the guy he seems smart and well spoken in the Romo kinda way, so I wager he will be good at it. I expect him to call out every play that the Giants run and tell us where the TE should go, and then halfway through a game just get fed up and go down there to do it himself.
Here’s a good Jason Witten highlight against the Giants. In fact if you google “Jason Witten touchdown” most of the clips are against the Giants, though that may be google’s algorithms knowing how much I hate myself. This is a 20-yard TD and the old man just casually runs a decent route through zone coverage and ends up wide open in the endzone. He did that shit constantly and it was incredibly aggravating. Talk to any Giants fan and you can bet that in the final 5 years of Witten’s career, all of us were thinking the same thing on a Cowboys 3rd and long: COVER WITTEN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST COVER WITTEN. And they never fucking did. Lumbering ninja always found his way through.
I wish him the best in his new career. I’m glad he never won a ring. Fuck the Cowboys. Mad respect for you, lumbering ninja.
I guess you could say he…
“Out-Witten’d” the Giants
*ba dum tss*
Paging the hell out of Travis Willingham…
I miss Witten already sad he never got a ring
I probably would have if he didn’t play for the Cowboys.
The “1” on a d20 is opposite the “20”. I demand accurate twenty sided dice in my football comics!
#NotTheOnlyOne
So all opposite sides equal to 21? Similar to a 6 sided die where all opposite sides equal to 7?
yes
Wiz Dice have D8s with adjacent sides adding up to 9, not opposites. Grinds the hell out of a collector’s gears, I can tell you for nowt right now.
I’m sure we’d all love to see more Stadiums and Touchdowns comics moving forward.
*I’m not a nerd, I don’t get the reference, don’t sue me*
Hope this helps.
https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Natural_20
Witten has an advantage to sneaking past Giants, so when the Giant rolled his check to spot Witten, he already had a low chance of making the spot. In D&D, rolling a 1 on a skill check, like Spot, is an automatic failure anyway, so no matter what he wouldn’t have seen Witten leaking out into the soft spot in the zone.
And if he wasn’t doing it to the Giants, he was doing it to the Eagles. Even in his last couple of years, when he had clearly slowed down and no longer could waltz past people, he still managed to find the hole in the defense on 3rd down literally a half-yard past the sticks. I respected him, but man did I hate his guts.
BTW Dave, I love that Witten is doing the “treasure obtained!” move from Zelda.
he took a rupee and colored it brown
nobody wants more fuckin rupees
Man our defense sucks.
Giants defense will be good the year
Knock on wood dave
Ken O Brian did the same shit on the dolphins. Of cohrse Miami had Marino, whereas the Giants had injury prone Jeremy Shocky, and a revolving door at tE
Hey Dave, I’d love to see a Cardinals comic soon. A lot of funny stuff has been happening to that team recently.
Can we have more DnD x NFL comics
Witten averaged 5 receptions for 52 yards and 0.5 touchdowns per game against the giants
his career average was 5 receptions for 55 yards and about 0.3 touchdowns.
he also had a slightly higher catch rate against the giants.
so yeah, he scored touchdowns about 50% more often against the giants than he did against the average opponent, and did so on *slightly* fewer targets per game