Have a great Turkey Day!
Somewhere, in an alternate reality, Turkeys evolved to be the dominant species on earth and then invented football and eat human beings for novelty on a day in November celebrating the day the turkeys drove out and ruined the lives of the native birds. They tell jokes about how eating too much human meat makes them sleepy and they think we go good with cranberry sauce. Then they argue with each other over turkey politics. If you are a person who subscribes to the infinite universe theory, then this actually exists. Not here, but somewhere. How’s that for terror?
Football has not been great this season. Every year I want to list the things about football that I am thankful for, and this year it feels tougher because there is so much bad. Too Many Penalties. Celebration penalties. Goodell. Mediocre play across the league. bad commercials. Thursday Night Football. The number of people who think Tom Brady is the GOAT. The list of bad goes on and on.
But lets try it anyway.
I’m thankful for fat guy touchdowns. I’m thankful for bomb-ass catches. I’m thankful for silly quarterback faces. I’m thankful for the noise you hear when a football hits the upright. I’m thankful for My Team, and Every Team that beats other teams I don’t like. I’m thankful for blocked kicks. I’m thankful for amazing runs. I’m thankful for increased health awareness. I’m thankful for silly fans. I’m thankful for Kaepernick’s fro. I’m thankful for awesome defense and exciting offense. I’m thankful for gatorade baths, for flea flickers and end-arounds. I’m thankful for fumbles and the chaos that ensues. I’m thankful for Al Michaels and Jon Gruden, and that guy who does redzone. He’s pretty good. I’m thankful the Eagles didn’t draft anyone who can catch a ball.
And I’m thankful for you, dear readers, who week in and week out continue to give me motivation to draw stupid things like football playing turkeys eating humans for dinner.
Have a great holiday, there won’t be a comic Saturday so I can spend more time with my family.
As a Redskins fan, I am not thankful for flea flickers, and I doubt Joe Theismann is either….I’m thankful for the bad catch rules resulting in crybaby Dez faces. I’m not thankful for Dan Snyder though…the more I think about it, the more I ask myself why I enjoy football…
I am thankful that you are going to make Kirk Cousins a very rich man…
Hail to the Redskins
Hail Wasted Money
Snyder’s on the Warpath
FOR FREE AGENCY
i’m thankful for catches that are actually catches.
happy holidays, dave!
I’m thankful for WRs throwing touchdown passes to QBs and for eating turkey on the rival’s logo.
You can’t tell me what to do!
I’m thankful for the play fakes so good the camera man doesn’t know who has the ball and Julio Jones.
Thanksgiving isn’t a thing down here, but I’m thankful anyways. For fat guy interceptions, for every time Tom Brady gets sacked and eats a little chunk of grass, and for the awful season the Bengals are having.
Happy turkey-eating day for everyone!
I’m thankful for Touchdown Tommy, Butlers interception, Rob Gronkowski’s currently intact knees, and that comic where Nick Foles shows off his hip hop album.
The Cowboys have the best record in the league so there’s nothing to be thankful for. That fact in itself ruins everything.
As an Eagles fan, I can unfortunately vouch for the fact no one on the team can catch worth a damn. I am thankful for booze (and lots of it) most sundays this year.
Happy Turkey Day! I’m sad because I’m sick. I’ll be better after the Steelers and the Buckeyes win
I’m thankful that in the third panel you didn’t go full Madden-style Turducken here and jam Peyton Manning’s noodle arms and Tom Brady’s broken leg into the free orificies on Vince Wilfork’s naked body
For an even more accurate turducken counterpart, I think Dave should have made a Gorhumer: that’s a gorilla stuffed with a human, stuffed with a lemur. Yumm!
…am gonna have nightmares about that Wilfork concoction though. *shudder*
I’m not thankful we have to deal with Phil Simms and Joe Buck as our announcers.
If you truly believe in the infinite universe theory, in some universe (maybe this one), as soon as you finish reading this comment, you will go immediately to the nearest tattoo parlor and get a big ol’ tat on your face of a rhinoceros butt. In another universe (also could be this one), you will suddenly realize you love cat poop and begin your never-ending quest to eat as much of it as you can. Good luck!
“eat as much of it as you can”
Look up JustinRPG on Encyclopedia Dramatica.
And the Browns will still be winless.
I am forever thankful for the Butt Fumble. Happy 4 Year Anniversary. #NEVERFORGET
i’m thankful for college football
I’m thankful for stuffing and deep fryers and green bean cassrole