Goober QBs
Dorky QBs are my favorite. Maybe because the alpha doof quarterback is on my favorite team, but I love goobers who play football good.
What makes a QB a goober QB?
– Not terribly attractive, but maybe in a “awwww he’s sadly adorable” kinda way. Like a handicapped puppy
– good at the footballs (Schaub and Eli had bad years but overall have been good)
– infuriates other fanbases when they play well because no one wants to face the fact that a dork like that is so good at the footballs
– no charisma
Goober QBs are the best. Tom Brady used to be a goober. Won 3 super bowls. Then he married a supermodel and turned into mr pretty boy no championship. Peyton is a off the field goober but a robot death machine on the field. He just lost the super bowl. COINCIDENCE?
Russell Wilson is a goober. Just won a super bowl. COINCIDENCE?
Rivers is a quality goober. RG3 has no goober in him. Romo is kind of goober. Ryan is a goober. Every QB is kind of goober really, but some are gooberer than others. Kaep will never win cause he has low Goober factor. Goober is more important than clutch.
I just like saying goober.
You’re right about Tom Brady. I hate his wife, not because I’m madly in love with him (eew!) but because she’s a freaking supermodel, and since he married her, he’s won dick all. Well, that and those obnoxious hair styles.
I thought that was Elway for a sec…
What about Broadway Joe Montana? Goober or not?
Montana was the ultimate goober…all the way to the end.
I’m a goofy goober, yeah.
How goober is Cutler?
Looks like a goober, but has too much apathy to be a true goober
Apathy is the kryptonite to gooberness.
Cutler doesn’t care about goobers.
I disagree about Wilson. Russell may be a robot, but his factory settings still come with preloaded with more charisma than anyone on the Seahawks not named Richard Sherman or Michael Robinson.
Also, he’s a bi-racial angel that my female friends drool over.
I won’t disagree on the dork comment though. *Obligatory “Go Hawks.”
Russell Wilson did a commercial for Wrangler’s, which are literal dad jeans. His biggest endorsement deal is with an insurance company.
Total dork.
I love me some Russell “Seattle’s Godsend” Wilson, but he’s a pretty big goober. I always get crap from my boyfriend for fawning over him when he’s on the TV, but what can I say…this girl likes a man who can embrace his inner goob.
He has no charisma, did you watch his parade speech compared to Shermans? Sherman had the whole stadium freaking out and Russell was generic thanks to everyone boring dull goober. He tucks his shirt into his shorts. Goob.
The only reason he wasn’t in this comic was because I think he’s too conventionally attractive. He doesn’t look stupid enough.
He isn’t exactly loud or anything. However, he is staying as the NFL’s biggest Christian, since TEBOW has left. He is a total goob because he has to wear me when I was meant for average sized QBs.
I’ve heard that Nick Foles is a pretty devout Christian too. Which makes no sense to me… a Christian Eagle is like a Buddhist Terrorist, it just doesn’t quite work..
He may not have gotten the crowd fired up as Sherman did, but that was a total of one instance. He commands attention when talking, and might be the most personable guy in the league. Sherman is great at getting people fired up, and you can’t deny that, so take that into account, and you could make an argument that Sherman’s a complete goob actually. He’s incredibly nerdy, and he has a jersey made out of fruit gushers in his room. That’s gooberness right there.
Wilson is a huge goober masked by being an generically attractive man.
Which one is overbite? Foles?
Of course! Foles is Napoleon Dynamites more awkward little brother.
This reminded me of XKCD’s “Least Interesting Man In The World”…
http://xkcd.com/621/
Ha! I just noticed that Dorky QB is wearing socks with sandals! He’s definitely from the northwest…
yo that azn bitch from captain plaent was bangin son LOL LET ME STOP
At what point does Goober Overload kick in, though? Chad Henne’s Goober level is north of Hodor, but he couldn’t win a title if his team if his life depended on it. His side could be the only one to turn up – they’d still lose by two TDs.
Chad Henne is a mans man and/or a meathead. Not a goober. You have to be good at football to be a goober.
How goober is Geno Smith and/or Mike Vick?
No goobers there. Vick went to prison and is anything but goober. Geno has more goober, but he sucks at football so he can’t be total goober
I see.
I would like to point out that Andrew Luck is by far the dorkiest in terms of personality.
I shit you not, the dude has a flip phone.
“When we hang out, we hang at his house and play board games,” – Anthony Castonzo on Andrew Luck and friends. (they play Settlers of Catan)
He grows a dorky ass neckbeard and speaks German
No matter how good he is at the footballs, I highly doubt he’ll ever get laid
He a GODDAMNED DOCTOR he’s got to be right!
I had no idea he played Settlers of Catan with his teammates. As if I couldn’t love Andrew Luck anymore than I already do.
Whenever a lineman lets Luck get sacked in his blind spot, I’m going to imagine it was revenge for not trading sheep at some opportune time.
3 of the goods have shaggy hair. I guess that is what it takes to be a goob
wait, so does Russell Wilson have an oversized coat?
How goober is Big Ben?
I would think fairly goob-tastic. Low charisma, coupled with goofy pudge face and clutch play.
Ben is too bro meat head to be a goober. Not the right personality. He’s not goofy and likeable.
He has all the classic syndromes of being a dork though: bad facial hair, looks like a dummy/dork, terrible with women, has worn a fedora.
He does. But he’s a rapist meathead bro. Goobers aren’t rapist meathead bros.
Ok not that whole “Ben is a rapist” thing. The damn thing wasn’t even brought to trial! I’m sick of hearing that mentioned every time I tell someone i’m a Steelers fan. Also though I believe something might have happened i’ll just leave this quote from DA Fred Bright who handled the case. “looking at all the evidence here, I cannot prove guilt beyond a reasonable doubt”
Not a convicted rapist, but yea I suppose too masthead chach to be truly goober. Nice pick up in Blount btw won’t be fun trying to bring that guy down.
*meathead ::smashes auto correct with bat::
I’m really excited about signing Blount. Even if Rice plays next year the Steelers have the best backfield in the AFC North. I’m also trying to remember the last time we had two competent running backs.
Do you think Ryan Tannehill can ever learn to be a goober? Or is his wife too hot?
Tannehill has no goober too pretty boy
You should totally do a comic of the Lord of the Rings Eagles saving Sanches off his fall from the jet
Vince Wilfork would’ve been all over that offer.