FARTOOT POOPS WEEK SHITEEN – POOP WEEK
I promise the next themed week won’t be as gross. Coming up with 13+ new ideas to draw every week can get difficult so having themes is actually pretty nice, but you gotta satisfy the 3rd grader in you before you can get abstract. If you have a good theme for a week, let me know! I will probably do a Christmas week later this month.
POOP WEEK IN THE TOILET! What did we learn? Honestly, things seem pretty settled in and on track now. We’ve got a pretty solid idea of who the surefire playoff teams are even if none jump out as obvious SB contenders, a pretty decent slate of wildcard hopefuls, and the teams just not good enough to matter and the absolute dreck. I’d list them like this, personally:
Obvious playoff teams: Packers, Patriots, Cardinals, Bills, Chiefs, Cowboys, Bucs, Ravens, Rams, Titans
Hopefuls: 49ers, Dolphins, Vikings, Chargers, Raiders, Colts, TEAM, Eagles, Broncos, Bengals, Browns
Not really good enough: Giants, Bears, Seahawks, Panthers, Falcons, Saints
Dreck: Jets, Texans, Lions, Jaguars
Obviously with 5 weeks left anything can happen. Several hopefuls took massive dumps this week (49ers, Vikings, Raiders) and several bad teams inched within reach. Even the Seahawks, a team I just mocked for being shit, beat the 49ers and have a very easy schedule down the stretch. It’s amazing how much more open the playoffs feel with 7 teams per conference. Getting that 6th seed used to be a bloodbath now it’s almost cushy.
POOP TIME. You got lucky. I did pretty good.
WEEK 14! Gonna do another theme! Let’s go with…KAIJU WEEK
STEELERS @ VIKINGS
Actually kind of hard to choose. The Vikings just gave up against the goddamn Lions and the Steelers beat the Ravens. But the Steelers are on the road, play to competition, and that favors the Vikings, so I’ll go Vikings.
If the Steelers win, I’ll draw Mechagodsteela destroying a Viking sexboat fleet
SAINTS @ JETS
I feel like I might get a few more Saints games right if I just start picking them normally again. They are just so injured but the Jets are garbage.
If the Jets win, I’ll draw Jetsy Danger beating up a giant prawn
FALCONS @ PANTHERS
This week is already looking like a lot of tough games, I hate it. Panthers fired Joe Brady but my track record with Carolina is absolutely awful when I pick them. Fine, I’ll go Falcons.
If the Panthers win, I’ll draw Camera burning Atlanta to the ground
SEAHAWKS @ TEXANS
The Seahawks might actually go on a winning streak
If the Texans win, I’ll draw World Serpent Jack Easterby eating the Space Needle
RAIDERS @ CHIEFS
The Coin is dead, now we have to pick games normally again. Chiefs.
If the Raiders win, I’ll draw Derek Carr as Mothra
RAVENS @ BROWNS
Ravens just lost Marlon Humphrey and the Browns are at home but man, the Browns look rough this year.
If the Browns win, I’ll draw Battra Mayfield smashing the Baltimore Aquarium
COWBOYS @ TEAM
Cowboys aren’t in major danger of losing the division, but this game is one to keep an eye on.
If the TEAM wins, I’ll draw Dan Spyder eating Jerry Jones
JAGUARS @ TITANS
The Titans love to eat the Jaguars for dinner.
If the Jaguars win, I’ll draw King Grindurban
GIANTS @ CHARGERS
I am at the point where I just want this season to end so changes will be made. Blow us the fuck up, Chargers.
If the Giants win, I’ll draw King Kong holding Justin Herbert as his blond beauty
LIONS @ BRONCOS
The Lions won! They are still a bad team.
If the Lions win, I’ll draw Bio-Lion-te tapping the rockies, with violence
49ERS @ BENGALS
The Bengals keep teasing me but I’ll give them the edge here.
If the 49ers win, I’ll draw George Kittle as Redneck Rodan
BILLS @ BUCS
Tom Brady says Fuck dem Bills
If the Bills win, I’ll draw Josh Allen as the Krakken destroying the Tampa Bay Pirate Ship
BEARS @ PACKERS
Oh Bears, just send the practice squad because who cares.
If the Bears win, I’ll draw the CloverFields monster smashing up Green Bay
RAMS @ CARDINALS
The Cardinals are very good and the Rams are sketchy now
If the Rams win, I will draw the star wars Ramcor smashing up the desert
The thought of Jack Easterby as the World Serpent both terrifies and intrigues me. I almost want the Seahawks to lose now.
You forgot the Steelers when you were categorizing the teams. My guess is they’re under hopefuls, given that they have to at least be better than the Browns which you also put there?
Thank you for heeding my plea Dave
Listing the Giants, Bears and Falcons in the Not Really Good Enough tier might be generous.
Also it looks like you’re short one team overall, but the Steelers can probably go into the Hopeful tier.
I’ve never been more thankful to get less Draw Play than today
Unpopular opinion but I think that Dave gettleman hasn’t been drafting that bad and isn’t the problem. Our draft picks in the last 2 years have been good. Andrew Thomas put it together. Kadarius toney is good. Azeez ojulari is good. Dexter Lawrence from 3 years ago is good. Also instead of Daniel jones our qb choices consisted of drew lock, Dwayne Haskins, and some other people who suck and aren’t starting. Kyler Murray was the only other good qb in that draft and he was picked first overall
Maybe he should’ve picked Josh Allen instead of Barkley the year before. Or if he really wanted that runningback, he should’ve drafted Lamar Jackson
Damn
Jones shouldn’t have been the pick. They should have drafted a QB the year before. They also could have used the later pick on him instead. Barkley was a very poor situational choice. Andrew Thomas has been the only good lineman pick he’s made, everyone else sucks. He let Zeitler walk. DeAndre Baker was a flaming bust. Toney, while neat, has spent most of this year hurt. Azeez is cool but we still dont have a true pass rush, at all. Name a good pick he’s made lower than that. Darious Slayton? He had a few moments one year and hasn’t been much since.
Gettleman put us in cap hell to sell out this year and everyone sucks anyway. His drafting has been mostly bad or ill advised decisions. He took a bad Jerry Reese roster and arguably made it worse. He hired Pat Shurmur and Judge, and presumably was a major influence on Garrett, etc. Gettleman can fuck off
Great drawings Dave!
They really make me go shitting and farting and pissing all over the place!
(But for real – love your work!)
“The #2 best week of all time”
Goddamn it Dave. LMAO
“The #2 best week of all time”
Goddamn it Dave. LMAO
Can’t help but think the “thicc lighting bolt” looks like a flaccid Sex Cannon
Definitely a wing dang doodle.
Bill Belichick pulled out the ole 1930s playbook in honor of the Army-Navy game this Saturday. What a legend.
Kaiju week is a wonderful idea. No comment on poop week, it’s not like I suggested kaiju week instead so I’ll shut up about it.
No need to pull out that Cloverfield Monster stencil, because there’s zero chance the Bears beat A-aron in Green Bay.
Someone take this dog out back and put it out of its misery already……ugh!
Dave, now I’m conflicted. I never would root against the Vikings, but I really want to see that picture.