Every First Round Pick
Apr20
on April 20, 2022
at 12:01 am
I’m sure there are more you can think of so let’s have some fun and name every basic stereotype that comes out every year.
The Draw Play
A football comic by Dave Rappoccio
I’m sure there are more you can think of so let’s have some fun and name every basic stereotype that comes out every year.
There’s one thing that I really appreciate hockey analysts for, and that’s the fact that they really don’t use the term “generational player” for multiple players in a draft. It probably helps that there’s a nearly uncontested GOAT in the form of Gretzky, though.
I too dislike a player with “character concers”.
What about the QB who was not even supposed to be drafted but none of the QBs are good so people are talking about getting him in the second round for no reason
The Combine Warrior
I wonder how many different stereotypes can be combined under the umbrella of “Raiders Pick.” The Combine Warrior, the Baffling Reach,
etc.
Ah, yes, Mike Mamula, if not the original, then perhaps the most (in)famous of these.
Characters Concer”n”s
I would have liked to have seen the stereotypes reflected in the pictures, like you did with injury history guy. Like, have the raw talent be a person made of steak or cookie dough. Have the guy who left too early be a baby and the guy who left too late be geriatric. That sort of thing.
The Workout Warrior
The Bowl Game Breakout (think Sol Thomas, who was a third round talent before the Sun Bowl)
The Small School Bully Who’s Never Faced “Real Competition”
The athletic freak
Guy who for no apparent reason flew up the draft board into a top 5 pick and has the career of a mediocre second rounder because that’s where he should’ve been drafted
INTANGIBLES
That one awesome Polynesian player
The late round local prospect you wanted your team to draft early.
The guy with the tragic past – The one with the ESPN profile of his dead hamster to make him feel relatable.
The guy with “too much passion” – White receiver who gets fired up.
The guy whose a diva – Black receiver who gets fired up.
The gym rat – the guy who will likely fail at least 2 PED tests in his career.
The guy with “too many distractions” – Player who wants to do more in life than play football aka Myron Rolle.
The guy who studies football all the time – Future career backup qb.
The player who is actually 3 kids in a coat – Vincent Adultman.
Remember that last draft where ESPN tried to gaslight into thinking every single first round pick had a tragic past. That was sooooooo weird.
The guy who is “a hard worker” and “a leader”
The guy who is “quicker than he is fast”
The guy who had one suboptimal combine measurement and that’s all anyone focuses on
The guy who shares a name with someone famous
The son of a player who isn’t as good as his parent
The son of a player who is better than his parent
The QB who everyone says should change positions
The guy whose name no one pronounces correctly
The BPA
The Sob Story – That player of the draft with the most tragic past so of course the NFL makes sure everyone knows about it at least once an hour until they are drafted. Includes uncomfortable interviews with their family and friends
Mels Guy – Not every year, but sometimes theres a guy who remains on top of Mels board for many, many picks well into the next day sometimes.
Depicted in panels 6-9: The Howie Roseman draft strategy. AKA “Guy who was drafted solely to prove how much smarter the team’s front office is than everyone else”
Also needed:
– Guy who didn’t meet “combine measurables” that becomes a Top-10 player at his position
– The pick that sends Mel Kiper into a 5-minute angry rant
The Sob Story – The guy with a tragic past that the NFL makes sure we hear about once an hour until he’s drafted. Including uncomfortable interviews with his family and friends.
Mels Guy – Doesn’t happen every draft, but sometimes a player remains on the top of Mels best available board for many picks, sometimes into the next day
Bust who turns his career around with another team.
Wait, how do you spell his name again?
Quarterback who got all the credit for his team beating Alabama once.
“31 teams made a mistake on me!” Turns out ONE team made a mistake on you.
The first one screams Jim Plunkett.
The guy who will always be compared to the guy picked prior to (or after) after him
The guy who was really good but played at a small school
The guy who was really good but only played a few games
That one ridiculously handsome guy.
This is in later rounds, but the guy taken because there’s a run on the position even though he should fall to the next round.
Also, can we appreciate that Dave literally used the same body and head for each player and still managed to make them all look different? He’s really upped his game since first starting out.
You’re missing an ‘n’ in “Character Concerns”, to give you a chance to tweak and re-upload.
Wow, I just noticed that. It wasn’t obvious at all. It almost feels like a commentary about how interchangeable the players are and how it is essentially gambling since you won’t know what type of player they are for at least 2-3 years. Of course, I know it is Dave being lazy aka working efficiently.
Bo Jackson
Trevor Lawrence
Andrew Luck
Aaron Curry
Sam Darnold
Clellin Ferrell
EJ Manuel
Kevin White
Paxton Lynch
DK Metcalf
Eric Fisher
Isaiah Simmons
DeShon Kizer
Matt Barkley
SaQuon Barkley
Rickey Williams
TJ Watt
Lael Collins
Jordan Love
RG3
Fitzmagic
I know they aren’t all first rounders but ya know
Y’all forgot about the fly kicker
“guy who gets drafted to the worst possible situation” Dave, you can just say Cleveland, man…
There are more teams that are bad fits for players than just Cleveland, you know.
The “lunch pail” guy
The “leader on the field” guy
The “Had two strong years in college followed by a weaker third year” guy
oh, big surprise… every unsuccessful player has something in common. gotta gobble up those social justice points! clown.
I’ve been staring at this comment, confused, for like 10 minutes, trying to figure out what you are even talking about, and the best I can come up with is you are mad that I didn’t explicitly label any of the white players as successful? If that’s what you are mad about…fucking lmao you sensitive baby.
By the way, the very first white player is labeled Generational Talent, and like 8 black players are labeled as unsuccessful as well, so you are just selectively missing the jokes and looking for reasons to be mad
While I’m far from a fan of social justice craziness but that post doesn’t make any sense, there’s nothing political about this. Not to mention the players shown may have been done with the ones Dave may have in mind.
Mr. Measurables -This guy didn’t start playing until college, but he’s got the size, speed, and lower to be a force in the NFL. He was a walk on at “smaller school” where the head coach lured him into the practice field by placing a line of Cheerios to his starting position. He just blew up from there.
The “played other sport” guy (baseball if a QB, basketball for all other positions)
Oh crap, that guy.
“Did you know that in addition to tight end, he also played college football? If not, I’ll tell you that next game too….”
*”basketball”, not “football”
derp…
The 40 guy – loved because he got a fast 40 time, nothing else is even slightly remarkable.
Similar to that – WR who can run really fast but can’t catch. Usually drafted by the Raiders.
The talented cancer: will be out of the league in three years no matter his skill because no one can help but hate his egotistical ass.
The one with slightly smaller hands
The past-WR (Michael Irvin) shouting that this WR that is ‘gonna turn that team around’ despite a century of evidence that WRs cannot possibly make bad teams/QBs good.
The O-lineman that no one knows / cares about that has a 20 year career.
The Athletic Freak that amounts to nothing
The “high motor” guy that does very little above an average level.
The Guy You Had Never Heard About 6 Months Ago But Somehow Some Draftheads Are Calling Him A Surefire First Rounder For No Obvious Reason
Blaine Gabbert is the prototype for this for me. For most of his final college season, most mock drafts didn’t even have him listed, then suddenly in November some guys started talking him up out of nowhere, sure he had some statement wins that season but if you even watched the regular highlights, absolutely nothing about him screamed “NFL QB”, he just got lucky that that QB class was _really_ weak behind Cam Newton, but I’m still fully convinced that some time in October 2010, some guys at ESPN were making a drunk bet “Hey I bet I can take a guy no mock draft has listed right now and make him go top 10 just by talking him up!”
To think Phil Simms falls in with 6,7, and 15 when he was drafted.
Don’t forget a talented player who got lazy and ate himself out of the league.
The Guy With The Funny Name