Dancing With The Farts
If you were paying attention to the news a few weeks ago you might have caught wind of yet another instance of Von Miller having some sort of gastrointestinal issue. I thought his farts tax story was amusing but probably a bunch of hot air, but now he’s being charged by his DWTS partner for every rip of the old cheek flaps. I think Mr. MVP might need to see a doctor because you might have an issue if you regularly cut the cheese to the point it makes the news. At least he should learn how to stealth puff it so that other people don’t pick up on it. Hell I learned how to do that at a young age, not that I want to toot my own horn. Although, everyone knows it’s the silent ones that smell bad, the loud ones are just air. Maybe he needs to eat less beans, he’s an athlete his heart is probably fine.
I can’t believe his partner is charging $100 per trouser trumpt though. That’s outrageous. Spice blasts are a natural part of the human experience. Yeah, it’s gross to get stuck in a stink bomb’s radius but you shouldn’t judge those who cut ’em loose. Most of the time that person probably didn’t want to ass blast in front of you and is probably embarrassed about it. Farts are funny. I hear stories sometimes about how people won’t beef in front of their significant others, and I wonder how you can be in a long term relationship without just accepting that sometimes air biscuits just happen and laugh about it. Adulthood can be so incredibly dumb sometimes. Little boys have it right. Our society needs to stop shaming those who are naturally expelling the fecal fumes and stop seeing it as immature. We should be proud of our cornhole clappers. Our Colon Snipers. Our Glute Gaspers. Our Tuchus Tooters. Our Rump Riders. Rectum Rippers. Sitter Squeakers. Back End Bazookas. Etc.
Also if you didn’t sing the Diarrhea song as a child you missed a vital part to your development.
It may be low-brow but at least it isn’t disgusting like the Bill O’Brien butt chin strip.
You need to learn to appreciate toilet humour.
I was going to recap the games last comic, but I didn’t next because the last game of the week, J’ville at Philly, was played last night.
The first game was Tampa at Cleveland in a game I didn’t see because I was at prom, although I did catch the last play when tampa was down 5 at Cleveland’s 5 yard line when our back up qb (rookie Johnathan Bane, who played at a divison 3 last year) ended the game with a pick 6. Final score: Cleveland: 41; Tampa Bay Storm: 29 (again, scoring only 29 points in an arena game is like scoring only 3 in a nfl game).
The second game of the week, which was between Portland and Orlando was alot closer than anyone expected, but Portland still lost 50-53 (with a last second pick at the goal line) in Orlando, traveling 3,000 miles after losing their starting qb to canada and getting beat by 50+ points at home a against Arizona.
Speaking of the Rattlers, they coasted to yet another easy blowout win, 69-28, at the hands of the Los Angeles KISS. Next week Arizona hosts Tampa. This game will be painful for me, a storm fan, to watch this weekend. Then again, what else do you expect when the Rattlers have won 3 straight arena bowl titles before falling due to a bad call at their most hated rival’s home (San Jose, whom aren’t playing this year) on the last play of the most exciting game in Arena history (up to that point) in the conference championship.
The last game, which was played last night, was played between J’ville and Philly in a rematch of the other conference championship (yes, there are conferences in a league with only 12 teams last year and 8 teams this year). The inconsistent Sharks beat the Soul 59-41 in a small revenge for last year’s loss in Philly by the Jacksonville Sharks.
Storm qb Johnathan Bane went to Dakota Wesleyan for those wondering.
Where’s the sexy *F.A.R.T.* rexy
That fart had too much mustard
Lol
The fart tax from DWTS is going to charity
I tried to make fun of the fart tax and one of my friends thought I had a fart fetish
Am I seeing things or is Ones highlighted in blue?
Maybe dude is lactose intolerant.
When I read DWTS, I thought it stood for Down With the Sickness
Apparently Von is down with the sickness, though it currently seems to be undiagnosed.
yeah everytime he farts his ass goes “OOH-WAH-AH-AH-AH”
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Is he dancing with Summer Smith?
KEEP SUMMER SAFE.
I wondered if the Draw Play would get around to mentioning “Dancing with the Stars”. With Doug Flutie, Von Miller, and Antonio Brown cast this season it would seem near impossible not to.
Also, gawd how funny would it be if Doug Flutie was the one with extreme flatulence? Hahaha, “Flutie”. He’s a good guy though.
He’s also short
you got him
Coulda used Big Dick Farts A Polka by Jonathan Coulton.
When you slide into first and you feel something burst…
Now there’s a song I haven’t heard in a very long time.