The Draw Play

THE WEEK IN CHAOS
–As it often is, a valley follows a peak. This was not a terribly exciting week of football. One thing that surprises me this season is the lack of mid teams. The NFC West and NFCS South is hogging all the Mid, with both divisions extremely up for grabs. Late in the year we still really don’t know who is going to pull this off. The Seahawks seem to be in control of the west, but the Seahawks are wacky and prone to mishaps. The 49ers looked like toast, then suddenly against the Bears they looked like the 49ers that we’ve seen for several years. The Cardinals had control of the division for a time and now it looks like Kyler has gone back to CoD. The Rams just beat the Bills in a shootout. I don’t know where to look.

Meanwhile, the South is funny mid. The Bucs have faced the hardest road so far and I believe are the rightful winners of the division. The Falcons frauded themselves out of contention and at this stage should start Penix and see how he does. The Saints, despite everything, are still in contention! Even now that Derek Car has broken his front axel. Hell, if the Panthers could finish a job, they’d be in the mix to. It’s probably better in the long run that they aren’t, though. Bryce Young does seem to have fixed himself!

But outside those two divisions, everyone is either great or really bad. 8 teams still have 3 wins or less. This week largely featured a lot of those teams slugging it out like the two most inept athletes in your first-grade class trying to fight. The Raiders tried to play the Bucs hard and failed, and now AOC is out for the year. The Saints survived the Giants and came out worse. The Jaguars managed to keep Doug employed another week. The Jets found another way to lose a game, officially keeping the no-playoffs streak alive. Before this year started I was torn. Did I want Rodgers to get hurt immediately again? Or Did I want him to play, hoping he’d suck? We got the latter, and it has been so glorious I can barely stand it. Rodgers has done everything in his power to be Tom Brady on the Bucs and has failed miserably. Unlike last year, he can’t hide behind excuses. This is his downfall. Eat shit, Throw Rogan.

The Browns lost to a Steelers team that is undeniably good. The GEQBUS had a big day against the Falcons. Someone is going to overpay Sam Darnold next year, and it might even by my team! The Eagles almost fell for the trap game but the Panthers couldn’t do it. Bengals Cowboys was a pretty boring mess until the ending.

GIANTS CORNER
–Last year I wrote a massive rant about how I do not root for tanking and never will. I stand by that rant, but this season has tested me hard in ways last year did not. Last year the Giants were in a strange place. This was a year when any progress, any wins, were still a good thing, regardless of what tankers might tell you. It was Daboll’s second year. We did not want to see a massive regression in promise after 2022. Winning a few games with a backup QB was okay. It showed this team had some juice, and that Jones was the problem. This year, things are dire. A win this season means less. If the Giants had beaten the Saints I’d probably get the least amount of joy in a win that I’ve experienced for years. I sighed in relief when the kick was blocked. Last year I believed in this regime and wanted to see any success they had. This year, I’ve lost faith in this regime and I’d prefer change. Frankly if they had gotten one of the QBs from last year I’m not sure I’d trust them to not ruin him anyway.

CHAOS OF THE WEEK
–Dan Campbell is a mad lad. Dan Campbell does not follow analytics. Dan Campbell is a thrill seeker. Dan Campbell is the Tom Cruise of football coaches: he cannot live unless he does the stunt himself. The Packers gave the Lions a hell of a fight all night. The game ends up tied late in the 4th. The Lions are on the Packers 20. Easy field goal range. It’s 4th and one. There is 1:21 left in the game. Decision time. Kick the easy field goal, force the Packers, with no timeouts, to drive the field. That’s what the analytics say. Dan Campbell gives no fucks. The Lions appear to set themselves up for an attempt at a hard count. They don’t. THEY GO FOR IT, WITH THE GAME TIED. Jared Goff falls down and manages to still get the handoff delivered to David Montgomery. Montgomery rumbles for an easy first down and an extra 5 yards to set up a game-winning kick with no time left, making sure the Packers never get a chance. THE BALLS.

 

CHAOTIC MOMENTS OF THE WEEK
–I’m far from a film nerd but do you want to see the worst snap I can remember seeing a defensive back have? The Vikings have the ball at their own 48. Jefferson is in the slot. Falcons CB Dee Alford watches Jefferson go right by him. After Jefferson gets 10 yards ahead of him with open field and throws his hands up, Alford finally notices he’s let the most dangerous WR in football run free and tries to catch up. Then, for some utterly baffling reason, he gets turned around, turns the wrong direction looking for a ball that isn’t anywhere close, realizes he turned the wrong way and tries to turn back, and trips. Jefferson walks in. Dee Alford probably had a very bad Monday film session. For his sake, I can only hope a safety who was supposed to help him over the top failed in his duty and left Alford on an island he should not have been on, but nothing excuses him turning the wrong way out of nowhere.
–The Jets kicking the go-ahead field goal with 50 seconds left only to instantly give up a huge return to set Miami up for the overtime kick, in a game Miami would win. The Jest. The game even gave us Scoragami!

CACKLES OF THE WEEK
–The Cowboys pulling Leon Lett 2, punt boogaloo, preventing them from getting the ball back with 2 minutes left. Burrow then instantly throws a TD to Chase. Outstanding way to lose. Top notch work, Cowboys.

BIG OOF OF THE WEEK
–Drew Lock making one of the most baffling attempts to juke with an open first down in front of him. If there is any real evidence of a tankjob, it’s this play.

CHIEFS “THEY CANT KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT” MOMENT OF THE WEEK
-The Chiefs are on a mission from god. That’s the only explanation. I need to compile a full list of game-ending bullshit that has gone their way this year, but maybe by making this section I can somehow curse them. This week, the Chargers gave them a tight finish, kicking a go-ahead field goal with a few minutes left. Then the Chargers kicker fucked up the new kickoff, setting the Chiefs up at the 40. They dragged out the clock and got a few first downs. Then the backup kicker shanks the kick and doinks it off the upright. The ball bounces through anyway. THEY CANT KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT

CHAOS WATCH
–Gardner Minshew and Aiden O’Connell are both out for the year. Desmond Ridder is now the Raiders QB. He faces the Falcons on MNF. You can’t script this.
-The Falcons are a mess right now. Will we get Penix? I want to see Penix.

FRAUD WATCH
–Even if the Chiefs win the Super Bowl, this team is a fraud being guided by the grace of some cruel god
-The Eagles let the Panthers get a little too close there for a team they should have blown up
-The Vikings had a great day but I remain unconvinced. The Falcons are in meltdown mode.

DISAPPOINTMENT DUCK
–It felt like the Bears were operating a little more competently after the OC switch and wanted to see what they could do against a crippled and underachieving 49ers team. The 49ers had probably their best game of the year instead and the Bears continue to be a joke.

MOST UNWATCHABLE TEAM OF THE WEEK
–I gave the Simpsons broadcast a try and it was about as weird as I expected. The only thing I could think for the quarter I watched it was…who was this for? I grew up with the show and I got all the references but it felt too kiddy. Do kids watch The Simpsons? Somebody has to still be watching The Simpsons otherwise they wouldn’t still be making it. The Simpsons hasn’t made a cultural impact since like season 15 but it’s still on. That’s like 20 years of full seasons of television that simply evaporated into thin air the instant it aired.

I saw a lot of people on my socials asking why the broadcast used 3D models and that made me laugh. The tech involved for a presentation like this pretty much requires 3D. The amount of work involved that would have needed to be done to pull something like this off in 2D simply isn’t happening. Some 3D tech can be mapped and rendered in real-time. I know V-Tubers exist and some of those puppet characters look pretty good, but they are still very limited in actual movement and presentation and the Simpsons broadcast was trying to be something more broad and needed to use the 3D models for the players.

They are going to do a Star Wars or Marvel broadcast next year and I’m going to hate it. Only Nickelodeon has really pulled it off so far.

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BETS FOR NEXT WEEK – a normal week, no gimmicks

RAMS @ 49ERS
The Rams are on a heater and the 49ers look like themselves again. Unfortunately, now they have to play on a short week and will both look like ass. I’ll take the home team.
If the Rams win, I will draw Puka Nacua as Sonic doing a sick grind down the Golden Gate Bridge

COMMIES @ SAINTS
Kyler Murray has fallen off as of late. The Commies won their last game, but also fell off before that. Was the Kliff Cliff a Kyler Cliff this whole time? The next month will show us the truth.
If the Saints win, I will draw the Pope anointing a pile of scraps the christened new Saint QB

CHIEFS @ BROWNS
I can’t wait to see what bullshit the Chiefs pull off this time.
If the Browns win, I will draw the Brownie defeating the black witch Walrus before he can cast another bullshit win spell

BENGALS @ TITANS
Bengals gonna get themselves some sweet wins late in the season to hurt their draft and keep Zac Taylor employed.
If the Titans win, I will draw Mayo Man putting mayo on his skyline chili

DOLPHINS @ TEXANS
I would love to see the Dolphins pull it off and put the Texans in full panic mode. But you gotta take the safe bet.
If the Dolphins win, I will draw a literal Dolphin winning a rodeo

RAVENS @ GIANTS
Oh man this is going to be ugly
If the Giants win, something went really fucking wrong for Baltimore

JETS @ JAGS
The Jest can finally grab another win! RODGERS IS BACK, BABY. BOOK IT. God a loss here would be funny
If the Jags win, I will draw Aaron Rodgers panicking as his box of excuses has run empty

COWBOYS @ PANTHERS
I think the Panthers might finally, just finally, earn that pointless win for ol’ Brycey
If the Cowboys win, I will draw Micah Parsons eating a delicious bowl of Murraystrone

BUCS @ CHARGERS
Bucs good. Chargers good. Neither great. Should be fun. I’ll go home team.
If the Bucs win, I will draw Baker Mayfield the pirate stealing the Chargers booty of Khaki Pants

COLTS @ BRONCOS
BONCOS WIN HORSE FIGHT
If the Colts win, I will draw Rapidersondash defeating Bonix

PATS @ CARDINALS
Cardinals. Buddy. If you lose this, just give up and retire the season.
If the Patriots win, I will draw Draye Maye eating a cactus

BILLS @ LIONS
I can’t pick against what feels like the most legit team in football, but man this game should be great. Matchup of the year material.
If the Bills win, I will draw Josh Allen eating a Ford F150 Superduty

STEELERS @ EAGLES
PENNSYLVANIA FIGHT. I’m gonna be bold and take the Steelers. They can stop the run really well and Hurts isn’t a great passer otherwise.
If the Eagles win, I will draw Saquon Barkley as the new Mr Unlimited

PACKERS @ SEAHAWKS
Packers are the better team, but Seahawks are the fiesty team. It wont be good enough.
If the Seahawks win, I will draw Geno Smith using cheeseheads to make a nice Char-loser-ie Plate

BEARS @ VIKINGS
BEARS BAD. VIKINGS GOOD. END OF COMMENTARY.
If the Bears win, I will draw Smokey the Bear eating Sam Darnold at his GEQBUS rally

FALCONS @ RAIDERS
What a terrible way to end the week. Falcons I guess.
If the Raiders win, I will draw Desmond Ridder as Desmond Thiccer

A TIE
If we get a tie, I will draw both QBs doing the lady and the tramp kiss. Just one of these days, give it to me

 

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DISCORD UPDATE (Just gonna have this underneath the next several posts)
-It’s a nice chill place to chat during games so far and if you want some extra incentive to join, I’ve been posting my half-finished sketches of cartoon bets when I have something done but I end up getting the game right before finishing it.
-Email me (drawplay574@gmail.com) or DM me on Bluesky for an invite. After a certain point, if all goes well, I’ll probably start making it more accessible, but for now it’s only for those with an expressed interest.