CARTOON PICS WEEK 14 – No Kaiju For You
Sorry folks, I had a pretty damn good week this week. Sad news for anyone hype about Kaiju week.
For how chaotic the playoff races are, I don’t know if we learned anything notable this week. I would have said the Bills are sure-fire frauds at this point but then they went and almost managed an amazing comeback against the Bucs. So the Bills are probably fraudulent, but maybe not huge frauds. Might win a playoff game depending on who they go up against.
The Chiefs are for sure back to being THE CHIEFS. The Steelers are mediocre as hell. The Vikings are mediocre as hell. The 49ers are mediocre as hell. The Browns and Ravens are blown up by injuries and will likely go nowhere (Baltimore especially now that Lamar is hurt). The Jags, Jets, Giants, and Texans are a disgrace. The Cowboys control the East. The Panthers are a hilarious mess, cycling QBs in and out as if they have any idea what is working.
I haven’t actually seen too many kaiju movies. Out of all of them I have seen I think Shin Godzilla is my favorite. Fully recommended if you can find a place to watch it. I’m a fan of the monsters actually being scary rather than goofy. I think Godzilla 2014 is the best movie of the WB Godzilla-verse.
WEEK 15! This week’s theme? Players as their logo! Also, this might have to be very re-worked, as half the league is going into COVID protocol right now so this week is ripe for supreme chaos. The NFL should probably postpone this week or do 16 games instead, but lol at losing money, let’s trot Nick Mullens out there because we care.
CHIEFS @ CHARGERS
The Chargers are slightly above mediocre and seemingly turn on a dime into good or bad. The Chiefs are blazing hot. If the Chargers can win this, it gives them a divisional chance, but if not, they are likely the top wildcard or damn close.
If the Chargers win, I will draw Justin Herbert as a lighting bolt
RAIDERS @ BROWNS
The Raiders shit the bed and the Browns are In The Hunt ™. I liked how the Browns fought this week. Keep it up, Brownies. Nick Mullens is the starter for Cleveland right now thanks to astounding levels of COVID cases, so the Raiders should gain an advantage now.
If the Browns win, I will draw Nick Mullens as a brown crayon
PATRIOTS @ COLTS
The Chiefs might currently be the best team in the AFC but it took them a while to put it together. If the Patriots keep it up, they’ll keep the drivers seat. The Colts are what I would consider the worst good team in football. Maybe they can steal one, but I doubt it.
If the Colts win, I will draw Centaur Wentz
TITANS @ STEELERS
The Titans are 9-4 and technically the 2nd seed right now, but it doesn’t feel like they are that good, right? The team has seemed messy since Henry went down. I think the Titans are ripe for playoff disappointment and would be struggling if they existed in a better division. Picking the Steelers at home.
If the Titans win, I will draw Ryan Tannehill as a mighty warrior
PANTHERS @ BILLS
Bills you fucks if you lose this game you don’t deserve the playoffs.
If the Panthers win, I will draw Cam as a panther
TEAM @ EAGLES
The Cowboys blew the fuck out of Washington for most of the game and then Washington came back. I don’t know if the Eagles have that level of resilience. The TEAM is Covid-decimated
If the TEAM wins, I will draw TEAM QB as the I in Team
TEXANS @ JAGUARS
Oh my god this is disgusting what the fuck call the FCC this shouldn’t be on TV. Go…Texans? I feel like the Texans have more fight in them right now than the Jags do. URBAN HAS BEEN FIRED. THERE WILL BE NO MORE GRINDING PICTURES. CHANGING MY BET TO THE JAGS.
If the TEXANS win, I will draw Davis Mills as the state of Texas
COWBOYS @ GIANTS
just four more games, Dave, just get through 4 more games and I can fool myself into having hope for the future again
If the Giants win, I will draw the Giants QB (who knows who we start yet) as a very, very large man
JETS @ DOLPHINS
The Dolphins continue their redemption tour
If the Jets win, I will draw Zach Wilson as an f-22 raptor
CARDINALS @ LIONS
Sometimes the best team in the league gets a freebie. Watch this game be weirdly close.
If the Lions win, I will draw Jared Goff as mufasa
BRONCOS @ BENGALS
The Bengals are technically out of the playoffs right now. Both of these teams are fighting for a spot. I feel like the Broncos are playing halfway decent ball right now, but I just love letting the Bengals fuck me up.
If the Broncos win, I will draw Teddy Bridgewater as Blucifer
FALCONS @ 49ERS
I feel like the 49ers have 6th seed written all over them.
If the Falcons win, I will draw Matt Ryan as a falcon
SEAHAWKS @ RAMS
The Hawks are bad, but the Rams eat them for lunch even when being disappointing.
If the Seahawks win, I will draw Russ as a tiny osprey
PACKERS @ RAVENS
Man why did Lamar have to get hurt, this game looks a lot less fun now.
If the Ravens win, I will draw whoever the Ravens QB is as a raven
SAINTS @ BUCCANEERS
The Saints are so busted up and Taysom Hill is not very good. They beat the Bucs already this year, but I doubt Brady lets that happen at home.
If the Saints win, I will draw Taysom Hill as a saint
VIKINGS @ BEARS
Bears actually put up points against Green Bay but I can’t count on them to do that two weeks in a row. The Vikings have 7th seed and a blowout to the Packers in the wildcard written all over them
If the Bears win, I will draw Justin Fields with bear arms
Dave, if the Jags win that steak better be a Ribeye and Urban better be digging for gold right in the middle of that fat pocket right at the bottom of the steak.
Be sure to have Urbs call the other coach a loser.
or telling his staff “You’re still losers! this was all me!”
People thought the Chiefs were back last time they played the Raiders too
Kaiju week was a terrible time for The Draw Play to suddenly become Nostradamus. Can we have Kaiju week again some day? so many wonderful monsters left frozen in ice.
Maybe when Dave picks the theme, he can keep the theme active until he runs through X number of drawings. Or to keep it simple, make any themed event run for 2 weeks, instead of 1, maybe?
That would be good as it means Dave doesn’t need to go through themes as quickly too.
I’d be fine with that, too, especially if it was a light week like this one was.
“If the Jaguars win, I will draw Urban Meyer wearing Jaguar print grinding a large steak”
It’s a high bar, but if this comes to pass it may actually be the most disturbing thing you’ve ever drawn.
Dave, I wish to tell you that I think you are cool. I am happy that you have this cool comic about football, and I hope you and your family are happy and healthy.
Merry Christmas!
Dave, you know that once we get a new GM, and especially if that guy replaces Judge, you’ll have hope again. Granted no matter what happens next year is a rebuilding year. My worry is if we do that, then replace Jones in the 2023 draft, that season is the new QB getting their feet wet, so we have to wait until 2024 to have any real hope. And now I’m depressed again
2024? You’re optimistic. I’m not saying Coughlin/Eli were top shelf in ’15, but every attempt Li’l Johnny and “Hollywood” Steve Tisch have made to replace them has gone from decent to bad, then bad to worse. I’m not sure how much purview Wellington still had before he passed, but Eli and Coughlin were brought in under Ernie – all Wellington’s stamp.
I see absolutely no reason to believe Li’l Johnny and Hollywood will pick a winner this time. This sums it all up:
GM picks – Jerry Reese, Gettleman
Coach picks – McPoop, Shurms, Judge
QB picks – NoName1, NoName2, dude who nearly ran people down speeding on a construction site, Daniel Jones, who moved out of the turnovers business when he realized you can’t commit turnovers if you can’t stay on the field.
I hope they spend at least one of the 1st round picks on a RB. I bet we can set the Guinness book of world records soon on 1st round BUST RBs! Tyrone Wheatley, David Wilson, SaQuad Injury, and who knows how many others before my time!!! Line them all up for golden crutches!!!!
Well, the Browns put 8 players, mostly important starters, on the COVID list. It seems likely that they won’tbe active for Saturday. So how will the Raiders fuck that up?
You may need to reconsider the Jags bet given Urban just got fired