CARTOON PICKS WEEK 16: The Chargers Gift To Their Fans Was A Dickpunch
WEEK 16! Remember when we’d only have one week of football left? Now we have two. I’m not sure I’m vibing with that. It felt right to start the playoffs right as the new year hit. If they want to extend the season, move it into august while replacing preseason.
It’s just limping to the finish line at this point. The contenders for the playoffs outside the top few teams are a beautiful chaotic mess and really, no team in either conference feels safe. Even the Packers feel like they could get blind-sighted. The depleted Ravens and fuckup Browns both took the Pack down to the wire. The Patriots have stumbled a bit too, losing two weeks in a row to AFC playoff teams. The Cardinals are absolutely plummeting and if the Vikings hadn’t lost, they would have been at risk of missing the playoffs. As it stands, the Rams now own the division the Cardinals spent all year acting like they were kings of.
I feel the Titans might be one of the most underrated teams, coaching-wise. They have spent the majority of the season hobbled and never actually look that good, but they keep winning. The Ravens are similar but we knew Harbaugh was a good coach already. Vrabel is better than he gets credit for, being forgotten in Nashville like the Titans in general. The Tits came out in the second half of the 49ers game and turned the tables immediately in a game they looked lost in. Admirable stuff.
The Chargers lost to the Texans. This is why nobody should ever take the Chargers seriously as a contender, ever. Until this team actually wins a championship, they are a vaudeville act.
The Seahawks are out of the playoffs. A regular NFC staple is gone. End of an era. Also, I want to extend a big congrats to Joe Burrow for setting Baltimore on fire. I know the Ravens are very depleted, but watching record performance beatdowns is special.
PICKS! Did better than average again as the season is pretty clear now, even with the high chaos levels.
WEEK 17: No theme, just gonna do a normal week this time.
GIANTS @ BEARS
Right now, the Giants own the 5th pick in the NFL draft thanks to themselves, and the 8th pick thanks to the trade with the Bears. So do I root for the Bears to win, keeping the Giants as high as possible but potentially pushing the bears lower, or do I root for the Giants to potentially move the Giants lower but keep both picks in the top 10 easier? I feel like I should go with the former. The Giants cant end up with the same record as the Panthers because they will drop a slot, but the Bears can’t move out of the top ten very easily even with 2 wins. So go Bears!
If the Giants win, I will draw Joe Judge enjoying a free medium soda
JAGUARS @ PATRIOTS
Well the Patriots get to regroup on the worst team in the league
If the Jaguars win, I will draw Trevor Lawrence spearing Pat Patriot with a Subway Sandwich
BUCS @ JETS
Will Patriots/Jags or this game be a bigger one-sided slaughter? The Jags are worse than the Jets, but Brady HATES the Jets. I feel like this one will be worse.
If the Jets win, I will draw baby Zach Wilson as a facehugger on Tom Brady
FALCONS @ BILLS
The Bills kept their hope and pride alive by beating the Pats in Foxboro, avenging the embarrassment earlier this year. The Falcons are bad.
If the Falcons win, I will draw the state of Georgia teabagging western new york
CHIEFS @ BENGALS
Remember those 5 weeks earlier this season when the Chiefs didn’t look good? Weird times.
If the Bengals win, I will draw Joey the Tiger casting Kermit Mahomes into the fires of Mt Doom
DOLPHINS @ TITANS
The Tits are trying to hold off the Colts and the Dolphins are still on the outside looking in. A major test for the Dolphins that I’m not sure they’ll pull off.
If the Dolphins win, I will draw a buff dolphin doing deadlifts
RAIDERS @ COLTS
Legit impressed by the Colts this year. I thought Wentz would be a huge bust, and he isn’t the reason they are succeeding, but I’m still impressed this team has managed to quietly climb the ranks and they could cause some problems as a dark horse.
If the Raiders win, I will draw Derek Car winning the Indianapolis 500
EAGLES @ TEAM
Funny to think the Eagles, not the TEAM, would be the secondary NFCE playoff threat. Team had a couple of weeks there but the Eagles have been strong the second half of the year. Man it must be nice to have your team rebuild and appear to have potential.
If the TEAM wins, I will draw Jalen Hurts drowning in the FedEx sewer leak
PANTHERS @ SAINTS
I guess I’ll go Saints because the Saints have no QB, but are sort of competent, and the Panthers have no QB, and are not competent.
If the Panthers win, I will draw a panther hunting the pope
BRONCOS @ CHARGERS
Uh, fuck. Chargers?
If the Broncos win, I will draw a horse electrocuting itself putting a fork in a socket
TEXANS @ 49ERS
What if last week wasn’t a fluke? It would be hilarious.
If the Texans win, I will draw Kyle Shanahan, Fools Gold
RAMS @ RAVENS
The Ravens might not make the playoffs at this rate. Those two games lost to poorly executed 2pt conversions are killing them right now. I agree with the call both times, but both times the team did not properly execute the play or call the right play for the situation. Shame, because old stuffers are using it as an argument against analytics when it kind of isn’t. The call, mathematically, was sound. The thing is you have to execute or the math doesn’t matter.
If the Ravens win, I will draw an almost dead corpse pulling himself out of the grave. Not dead yet!
LIONS @ SEAHAWKS
The Lions might win this one! Can’t pick them though.
If the Lions win, I will draw Dan Campbell using Russ as a kettlebell
CARDINALS @ COWBOYS
The Cardinals are falling apart
If the Cardinals win, I will draw Kyler sleeping on a sleep number bed, which is squishing Dak Prescott
VIKINGS @ PACKERS
Sorry Vikes, you ain’t gonna make it
If the Vikings win, I will draw Kirk Cousins packing Rodgers into a box
BROWNS @ STEELERS
Sad year for the Browns. They had a lot of potential and hype, but injuries, bad luck, and some regression by Baker held them back. Now they face a more uncertain future than before. The Steelers are continuing the quest for 8-8-1, and will of course win this game.
If the Browns win, I will draw snoopy flying on his doghouse, shooting down big ben
A REMINDER: I’m taking this week off outside this post to relax. Enjoy the rest of 2021 and I’ll see you in 2022.
I feel like Nick’s bulge isn’t nearly large enough.
I think he’s just missing a leg entirely
blind sighted?
Before you laugh and say it should be “blind sided,” let’s consider…
According to David Sedaris, hunters in Michigan can legally hunt if they’re blind. So maybe “blind-sighted” is a reference to Wisconsin’s rival state literally sighting the Packers and shooting them in the face whilst being blind.
Mandatory David Sedaris holiday plug: https://youtu.be/DxAxXgJqsPE?t=93
I take far more umbrage with the first part of the sentence: “Even the Packers feel like they could get blind-sighted.” “Even the Packers.” As if it’s not a yearly tradition for the Packers to look amazing and then faceplant when Discount Double Choke & Co. have to play in meaningful games?
Excellent reference, and literally mandatory listening for us every Christmas season. “Santa didn’t USED TO do anything…”
Yep. Foles being there is accurate but again, you’ve build BDN for comic after comic, and he’s underachieving in the Groin Area.
When you consider that he’s on both of his knees in prayer, it makes a lot more sense…
Have a nice week off, Dave. Hope you get to draw the Falcons/Bills one. That sounds funny as hell.
If that happens I’m really curious how Dave will draw Western NY. Will it just be the 8 counties of the Buffalo-Niagara region and the western end of the Southern Tier.? Will it extend to cover the Rochester/Finger Lakes area? Will it inaccurately be show up as almost all of Upstate? Will it capture bits of Ontario’s Golden Horseshoe?
It was just gonna be the state with Georgia sitting on the end. To me Western NY is anything west of Syracuse so the fingerlakes and over even though Buffaloans might take offense to it
This is what I pictured.
The Browns will win out and the AFCN will be won by a 9-win team because that division exists to cause us all pain this year.
Hilarious but no, go Bengals and go Burrow.
Second year in a row where Arizona straight up dies at the most crucial point in the season. Luckily for them, their hot start clinched them a playoff berth, but at the rate things are going, they’re setting up to get first rounded by Dallas/Tampa/LA in brutal fashion. Gotta wonder how it’ll reflect on Kliff to have yet another late season collapse like this.
The Packers are also one of the most injured teams. Their OLB1, CB1, LT, C, LG, TE1 are all out for most of the season, and their WR2 was gone this game, too. That they got to 12-3 is impressive and speaks of the roster depth and coaching.
Oh, yeah, their RT is out, too.
The Giants feel like the worst team in the league, but I’ll keep rooting for them to win. Their fate is sealed and so is Gettlemans anyway. I hope much of the rest of the front office and coaching staff get replaced too
was a fun year for the comic, see you next year Dave
Nice drawings! I have a comic idea: apparently, Brady has created a new and completely unique new color: blue.
Please tell me you’ve seen this sketch.
https://youtu.be/TLrHwDJe7ro
I wish I could call you out on the country music reference, but goddammit Nashville is going downhill quick
Being a Chargers fan hurts, but I’m used to that pain. At least your drawing of Easterby as a horrifying Krampus made that loss feel a little more worth it. Cheers!
Your Easterby Krampus resembles the Violator from Spawn…scary af
Can we chalk texting your former QB to come out of the broadcast booth out of retirement is the GM/Coach equivalent of texting your ex at 2AM.
rip john madden
And Dan Reeves. And, evidently, Antonio Brown’s NFL career.
> If the Raiders win, I will draw Derek Car winning the Indianapolis 500
I have to root for the Raiders now? :O
yo dave happy new year and to another year of great comics
also: day one of asking for a comic about nkeal harry
Ouch, Dave. I hope that was hyperbole, because surely any reasonable person wouldn’t write off a team completely over one game, especially if that game was played between two covid-ravaged squads (essentially making it a preseason game) the day after Christmas.
Anyway, here’s your pool update post week 16:
Your 10 this week was good for lower-middle of the pack. There were three 13’s and six others at 12 or 11. The current leaders also got 10’s.
Overall you’re at 147**, good for a tie at 8th/9th. The current leaders are tied at 156.