CARTOON PICKS WEEK 15- Oh Rams
The Rams? Of all the teams that could have been trapped by the Jets this season I did not expect Sean McVay to get outcoached and lose to the fucking Jets. Absolutely embarrassing on all counts. Now the Jaguars, who have been committed to being absolute shit since week 1’s fluke win, now hold the Trevor Lawrence card. Oh Jets. Oh Rams. YOU BLEW IT! BOTH OF YOU! DUUUUUUVALL
Hurts and the Eagles didn’t win, but they still looked like a better team with the Oklahoma rookie under center. He almost pulled off the victory. He played generally great too. He hit Dallas Goedert in the hands in the endzone twice on that penultimate drive and he dropped them. Now there are reports that Wentz is unhappy and wants out. I’d tone down any hype from those reports for now since anytime a benching happens those reports come out without good sources, but it is still worth keeping a side eye on just in case. A few years ago we also had reports that nobody on the team liked Wentz very much. Don’t know how true any of those reports were either, but the way the team seems like they had a spark once Wentz went out certainly feeds that narrative! Gonna laugh if Wentz does manage to force his way out, then it won’t matter if the Wentzers were right or not because he won’t be there anymore.
No other real surprises. Seattle looked gross and won ugly against the TEAM, only confirming how bad Dwayne Haskins is. The Bears won! The Vikings lost! I called that game correctly! The Falcons did Falcons things. Tennessee clobbered the Lions and there are now rumors Stafford wants out. I can’t blame him. Please don’t go to New England. Speaking of which…
THEY GOT ELIMINATED
FUCK YEAH
Cartoons!
I didn’t put in the tweet for the Cowboys one because I just wanted to draw it anyway and had it done by the first quarter. It would have been here regardless of who won.
VIKINGS @ SAINTS
Well, the Vikings chances to reach the playoffs existed, but even their Saints cursing powers probably won’t help them here.
If the Vikings win, I will draw Sean Payton having PTSD
BUCS @ LIONS
The Bucs aren’t perfect but it seems that Brady has won the divorce settlement with New England. They are out of the playoffs and the Bucs are handily in playoff contention.
If the Lions win, I will draw Matthew Stafford as Atlas holding up Detroit
49ers @ CARDINALS
49ers are stuck in a lost season. Cardinals have something to play for. If the Birds fuck this up, they deserve every inch of scorn they get.
If the 49ers win, I will draw Kyler Murray with a pickaxe stuck in his head
DOLPHINS @ RAIDERS
The Raiders kinda blew their chance to make a playoff run. Beating the Dolphins would keep that hope alive, but the Dolphins just seem like a better team. Also Mariota vs Tua should be the matchup if it isn’t. I want the Hawaii Bowl
If the Raiders win, I will draw Mariota holding up the Hawaii trophy
GIANTS @ RAVENS
Ravens have turned it on since Lamar lost 2 pounds during the Browns game. Giants defense might keep it close, but this team is probably toast. At least we got to enjoy one good win this year and one week on the top of craptown usa.
If the Giants win, I will draw childhood me yelling REVENGE FOR 2000
FALCONS @ CHIEFS
The Falcons commitment to the bit is outstanding. The Chiefs love to start slow, so we might get another classic meltdown.
If the Falcons win, I will draw Matt Ryan saying “wait, we weren’t supposed to do that”
PANTHERS @ TEAM
The TEAM seems like the best team in the NFCE when Alex Smith starts. When Dwayne Haskins starts…yikes. I’m assuming Smith will be back right now, but this changes if Haskins plays. EDIT: Haskins starts, so I’m picking the Panthers.
If the TEAM wins, I will draw Dwayne Haskins dancing with Stripper Covid
BROWNS @ JETS
Well now this isn’t out of the realm of possibility! Gotta believe the Browns win this though.
If the Jets win, I will draw a Jaguar holding Trevor Lawrence
BENGALS @ TEXANS
Two seasons of sadness collide. The Bengals need to fire Zac Taylor.
If the Bengals win, I will draw a tiger feasting on a large piece of meat
BEARS @ JAGUARS
Well now the Jags hold all the cards. If they blow this, it’ll be amazing.
If the Jaguars win, I will draw them handing Trevor back over to the Jets
COLTS @ STEELERS
I hate both of these teams. I have nothing to say. I guess it should be a good game.
If the Colts win, I will draw Philip Rivers meting steel beams with lazor eyes
BRONCOS @ CHARGERS
The Chargers are more fun and should win this easily, but they are allergic to success. The Broncos are boring as fuck but will somehow fart this one out.
If the Chargers win, I will draw Justin Herbert laughing at a clock…this time
EAGLES @ COWBOYS
I actually think the Cowboys have found something but it just came about too late to matter.
If the Eagles win, I will draw Andy Dalton completely on fire
RAMS @ SEAHAWKS
Well I would have picked the Rams, but after last week….I can’t. Go Hawks.
If the Rams win, I will draw Aaron Donald using Russ as a toothpick
TITANS @ PACKERS
Oh hey, a game that is worth seeing! Gotta back my boys in the face of Rodgers and his MVP fury.
If the Packers win, I will draw Rodgers riding a tractor
BILLS @ PATRIOTS
Bills clinched the division. Patriots are eliminated. What a fucking world we live in. The Bills will win, but I want a chance to draw this picture:
If the Bills win, I will draw the Bills as the pirate captain from the Captain Phillips meme, saying “look at me, This is my division now”
What about the Jags-Bears game?
Also, hobo peyton makes his triumphant return if the Vikes win?
I feel like everyone and their mother knew Atlanta was going to blow that lead. It’s not even funny at this point, just a constant bad meme that the Falcons seem desperate to keep alive.
The Bucs, though, god are they frustrating to watch. I get the vibe that Brady went into the locker room at halftime, looked Arians and Leftwich dead in the face, and said, “Look at me, I’m the captain now.” before throwing out their gameplan in the second half. They looked like they running a different system and suddenly Tom Brady looked like the guy he was in October again. Either that or Brady just really hates the city of Atlanta and wants to see those poor folk in Georgia suffer.
It was particularly sweet that Miami ended the Patriots’ playoff run. What December hoodoo we have over them I don’t know, but I love it.
Now my Luigi Death Glare returns to Buffalo.
“If the Colts win, I will draw Philip Rivers meting steel beams with lazor eyes”
Is this regular Rivers or Centaur Rivers?
also, regular l.a.s.e.r.s? or lazors?
Love Andy Dalton as the “Big Enough” meme.
If Zac Taylor is truly on the chopping block, the cartoon if the Bengals win should be him getting a victory shower of spoiled milk and cherries flavored Gatorade.
My trivia-loving heart appreciates this reference.
You should have Herbert riding horse Elway if LA wins.
not enough covids
We all knew the Falcons would blow that.
Glad WFT looks like we’ll make the playoffs. The Giants are the better team but that loss to the browns will hurt, and the Eagles are just trash tbh. I would be nervous about Cowboys but we have tiebreaker.
“If the Jaguars win, I will draw them handing Trevor back over to the Jets”
What if the Jags win, but the Jets also win?
Maybe we could have a double-feature comic with the two teams fighting with an unhappy Trevor between them, with the Jags saying ‘Take him!’ while the Jets are saying ‘No, we don’t want him!’ or somesuch.
It would be funny if it was Darnold and Minshew doing it, although honestly I doubt either of them want to stay with their current teams, so they might welcome the boot.
Jesus, the Eagles just live rent free in your head, huh?
I’m guessing Dave’s drawing a floating dumpster fire as I type this.
The Steelers lost to the fucking Bengals!!!
Holy shit, the division is back in play. Best part is, as long as the Browns beat the Jets, they win no matter what happens in that game. Colts win and they’re playing for the division. Steelers win and they clinch a wildcard spot.
Browns super bowl!!
This Steelers loss is just another instance of them playing down to their opponents, but Dave already covered that years ago.
And the other two?
us being bad and playing down
And if they lose to the Bills and Browns and manage to piss away the division they had a seemingly unbreakable hold on?
us being absolute shit and the browns being good
It was a kamikaze mission in the end.
How about: “If the Panthers win, I will draw Dwayne Haskins partying in a strip club.”
If both the jets and jags win have them fighting to give away Trevor.