CARTOON BETS WEEK 3 – CAVEMAN STYLE
I’m not normally this petty but that comment was too funny in hindsight. Lord give me the self confidence of a Steelers fan
So, to reiterate: I’m at a mountain cabin this week, having some chill. All I have is a pen, a sketchpad, and a small laptop. Might not be comics this week, but if there are, they will also be caveman style
BIG WEEK FOR THE LEAGUE. A few teams managed to save their seasons. A few managed to prolong the inevitable. A few had a rough day. Lets start with the teams who probably just had a bad day:
The Bills – The Bills were missing multiple important starters and brought it down to the wire. This was a great duel between two top teams. They messed up at the end by not going out of bounds and not getting set fast enough, but this isn’t a loss the Bills should be ashamed of. The Dolphins are legit.
The Chiefs – The Chiefs looked out of sorts while on the road. Not their best day, but I also don’t think there’s any reason to worry here.
Bucs – That was ugly, but they held the Packers down in Tampa without Mike Evans. A bit concerning, but this was another tough match between two expected conference playoff contenders.
WHICH TEAMS PROVED THEMSELVES
Eagles – The Eagles are legit. Hurts is legit.
The Dolphins – Legit as hell. Tua is finally Bama Tua again and they look scary.
Packers – They held off the Bucs. Looks like the week one loss was once again probably an anomaly.
WHICH TEAMS ARE PROBABLY FUCKED
Commies – The Ron Rivera era has been a wild disappointment. The Team occasionally puts up a fight, even occasionally wins, but they far more consistently underperform and fail. The Eagles are good, but the Commies have looked worse and worse over the course of the last 3 weeks.
Seahawks – The Hawks would be 0-3 if Nathaniel Hackett could manage any sense of competence. Geno Smith is medicore, the team is weak, and they will not do anything of value.
Raiders – the Raiders are the only 0-3 team left in the league. They’ve had a chance in every game and can’t cross the finish line. This is going to be a sad year for Vegas
Texans – they suck, but we can’t say this is a surprise
Saints – Something is extremely wrong here. Jameis is hurt, yes, but this team looks woeful. The game wasn’t even as close as the final score as the Panthers easily handled business.
WHICH TEAMS SAVED THEIR SEASONS OR HELD OFF THE INEVITABLE. Aka the “Mid” teams
Vikings – They are 2-0 and dont really deserve to be. They did not deserve to beat the Lions. But they did! So it’s not over yet.
Lions – The Lions have firepower but they don’t have the ability to play a whole game. They are admirable and fun, but not worthy of our trust.
Colts – The Colts are not a good team, but they managed to put some shit together against the Chiefs. They might find a rhythm yet, but it’s going to be an uphill battle.
Titans – They have difficulties doing anything in the second half of games, which is a major issue. That used to be Derrick Henry time.
Bears – the Bears are 2-1 and could be 0-3. They are not an inspiring team and Justin Fields simply doesn’t look good.
Jaguars – the Jaguars might be alright! Doug is a good coach and it just goes to show what kind of monster Urban Meyer was that this team has looked fun, good, and competitive in each game so far.
Chargers – Herbie is hurt, but the Chargers are suddenly in a bad spot. The Jaguars snapped a long road losing streak in LA and did so convincingly against this team.
Patriots – The Pats are capable of playing good ball but they aren’t the mistake averse Pats of yore, and with Mac hurt, the season is now very much in jeopardy
Steelers – The offense is broken and it’s only a matter of time till we see Kenny Pickett. The defense isn’t nearly as potent without Watt.
Browns – The Browns played a convincing football game against Pittsburgh and if we didn’t know what was coming in 8 weeks, it would be easy to root for Jacoby Brissett.
Panthers – honestly, this is still the Matt Rhule getting fired waiting game, but this week just extended it
Rams – The Rams handled business against the Cards in Arizona, nothing to worry about
Cards – the Cardinals aren’t starting strong like usual. We aren’t far from panic mode
Falcons – The Falcons, unexpectedly, have fight in them this year. I cant say I saw it coming.
49ers – Yeah, they look a little bad. You’d think they’d be okay with Jimmy back there, but it’s not going very well.
Broncos – This team is somehow 2-1. Same as the Bears, this team is not good but has won some games around defense
Bengals – Saved their season arguably by beating up the Jets, finally winning a game they were supposed to
Ravens – righted the ship against the Patriots, still look solid outside the Dolphins 4th quarter collapse
Giants – As expected, the Giants aren’t actually good, just not woefully incompetent. Danny needs reliable targets to throw too and better protection, but it’s likely not coming this year. Defense is still alright.
Cowboys – An elite front 7 on D, and Cooper Rush is a solid game manager, but they aren’t special and likely won’t go very far this year.
PICKS!
WEEK 4 PICKS
DOLPHINS @ BENGALS
The best performance the Bengals put on the field this Thursday night will be those new white helmets.
If the Bengals win, I will draw the white Bengal version of Joey the Tiger
VIKINGS @ SAINTS
Kirk loves to overperform on those afternooners. Plus the Saints seem fucked up and nobody is really discussing it.
If the Saints win, I will draw Saint Alvin Kamara, resting upon high
SEAHAWKS @ LIONS
The Hawks are a few bad fumbles and Nathaniel Hackett brain farts away from being 0-3. They are not good.
If the Seahawks win, I will draw Let Geno Smith (he’s a blacksmith, get it)
JETS @ STEELERS
I’m excited to see if new era Steelers also play down to opponents.
If the Jets win, I will draw Jet Fuel Melting Steel Beams
BEARS @ GIANTS
I think this matchup favors the Giants, actually. The Bears cannot and will not pass, which is what the Giants are worse at defending. Their defense is good, but the Giants offense is better than the Bear o, so I just think this leans towards NY
If the Bears win, I will draw Justin frolicking through the swamps of the meadowlands
TITANS @ COLTS
Colts bad, Titans bad, should be a great game. I’ll pick the Titans.
If the Colts win, I will draw Derek Henry hitting the broad side of a barn (the barn is Lucas Oil stadium)
CHARGERS @ TEXANS
The Chargers need a break so they better not fuck this up.
If the Texans win, I will draw a very large Texan asshole truck running Herbie the love bug off the road
BROWNS @ FALCONS
Falcons got that dawg in them, but it’s not a very strong dawg
If the Falcons win, I will draw Marcus Mariota and Drake London/Kyle Pitts (whoever has the better game) as Outkast
COMMIES @ COWBOYS
Cowboys unfortunately have more life and an easy schedule while Dak is hurt, I’m mad about it
If the Commies win, I will draw Carson Wentz as Stalin
JAGUARS @ EAGLES
I’m starting to believe in the Jaguars and I’m sure Doug Pederson has this game circled. But the Eagles are on fire right now.
If the Jaguars win, I will draw Doug Pederson as Rocky on the steps, giving Philly the fingers
BILLS @ RAVENS
This will be a big test of the Bills mettle. Excited to see if they can get back on top. A loss here has distant playoff implications.
If the Ravens win, I will draw a Raven eating buffalo wings
CARDINALS @ PANTHERS
Panthers are up there for most unwatchable team this season.
If the Panthers win, I will draw Baker Mayfield juggling 3 Kyler Murrays
BRONCOS @ RAIDERS
I feel like the Raiders have to get that first win at some point, and the Broncos have barely farted themselves into 2-1, so why not here
If the Broncos win, I will draw Nathaniel Hackett redeeming himself by bringing home the corpse of Denver’s public enemy Josh McDaniels
PATRIOTS @ PACKERS
Mac Jones died, so the Pats chances probably went with him.
If the Patriots win, I will draw Bill Belichick drinking ayahuasca
CHIEFS @ BUCS
This one is pretty tough to call, but with the hurricane in town, I feel like beating a storm and the chiefs drives up the Brady spite meter
If the Chiefs win, I will draw Kermit wrangling a goat
RAMS @ 49ERS
You know what? All logic says to pick the Rams here, except Kyle Shanahan seems to own Sean McVay. I’m playing the meme card.
If the Rams win, I will draw Aaron Donald making a Jimmy sandwich
A TIE
I will draw both QBs drowning in the kiddie pool
“Bucs – That was ugly, but they held the Packers down in Green Bay”
Where?
Did *every* team wear their whites at home this weekend or just the games I was paying attention to?
It confused the hell out of me.
I don’t know if Green Bay proved themselves this week. Both teams were injured to hell and back and Green Bay was just the side that survived an ugly slog. And only barely thanks to Tampa not being able to hold onto a football. Not to say that they aren’t good but I just don’t think this game is the one that proves it.
I don’t think Green Bay *CAN* prove themselves during the regular season, even if they go 15-1. Not until they win a playoff game, in dominating fashion. And even then, I’ll doubt them until they win a Championship Game.
Tampa doesn’t look good at all. Not sure if TB12 is unhinged from his failing marriage or what’s happening around him, but he looks like his head is about to explode.
I agree on the first point. Green Bay will forever be unproven until they actually win the damn thing instead of falling flat when it matters.
As for Tampa, it’s a combination of injuries, sloppy play and facing generally good defenses. Their OL got decimated in the offseason, then lost Donovan Smith in week 1, so they’re starting a backup Center, Right Guard and Right Tackle. And their receiving corps, which was supposed to be a force, got stripped utterly bare (Godwin and Julio both went down in week 1 and Evans was out this week due to a suspension). Pretty sure a couple backs got injured too behind Fournette. It’s just really hard to function when everyone is dying around you. More proof that Tampa made a deal with the Devil for that ring in 2020.
Tom, despite the numbers, has looked pretty solid honestly. He’s absolutely declined from his first two seasons with Tampa, but I wouldn’t call him the problem there. Hell, I’d argue he was excellent yesterday. But it’s been constant mistakes from the whole offense that’s been killing them. They set a record for drops in a single game against the Saints then came back and fumbled the game away against Green Bay. Brady just can’t carry bad coaching at this stage of his career, and I’m interested to see if they do figure it out as the offense potentially starts to get healthier as the season goes on.
I’m a Packers fan and I agree fully with this statement. They make it to the playoffs only to lose in either a blowout or last second heartbreak. Seems like that’s the way all the NFC North teams have lost in the playoffs in the last 15 years and the only reason the Packers got to the SB in 2010 is they played the Bears in the NFCCG.
Also a Packers fan. The sad thing is, the Packers have had dominant wins in the playoffs, like when they beat the Rams into trading for Matt Stafford. But even then, we are complete playoff frauds. Nobody should trust Green Bay until they actually win another Super Bowl, and even then they’re probably still frauds.
I forgot all about the Broncos bet. I am less angry at their win. Slightly.
OK HOW
look
Look at what?
vote the jets if mitch starts
BTW i respect you just thought that pick was dumb
Im just surprised you had that much confidence in the Steelers for that one. I was pretty torn and that was far from a sure thing either way
Looking back on it is see how we lost Canada is a idiot and mitch is alex smith’s son the way he plays
That’s Alex Smith slander. He was at least reliable.
dude no one has called it sixburgh since like 2012, let the dead lie
Needed a username steelers related lol best i thought of
STEELER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! VOTE JETS AND IF THE STEELERS WIN MAKE A STEEL BEAM CRUSH A RAPTER
Better idea a aircraft carrier shoots down a roptor with steel beam cannons
3-0 is encouraging, but if the last two decades have proven anything, it’s that Miami will likely puke it up against the Jets and Cleveland for balance.
Enjoying the ride for now, but keeping my eyes on the road.
Yeah, so it goes in Miami. They let you down right when you finally overcome enough of your cynicism to be hopeful. For now at least, they are fun to watch AND they are on top of the AFC which is absolutely wild. Best I could have asked for yesterday was that they didn’t embarrass themselves. Somehow they managed “The Butt Punt” yet still won, so who the fuck knows what this team is capable of.
I’ve worked 12 years riding tech support/insurance desks for big government/corporate contracts, a mobile network and energy supplier, and I’m coming up on 8 years in retail. On top of that, I’ve been a Dolphins fan since the late 80s
You can’t even see the foothills of my cynicism, never mind scale enough of it to be hopeful. I’ve been lied to that much, if this was D&D I’d roll insight checks on the Dalai Lama.
I was raised on prime Marino and my dad and granddad’s stories about how the Dolphins were so bad in the 60s that the only reason they went to home games was to see Joe Namath play. They got obliterated in the Super Bowl the year before I was born and haven’t been back since.
Meanwhile, my Boston-born daughter saw three Patriots rings before she started kindergarten, so her local team had more success in 5 years than both me and the franchise I have loved since birth have had in our entire lifetimes.
Fucking Dolphins.
They are also contractualy obligated to split the season 1-1 with the Pats, no matter how good or bad either team is…
TEAMS THAT ARE AFTERTHOUGHTS AND AREN’T WORTH MENTIONING
Bengals
…Bengals? Who dey?
Some grandfathered team that came from the AFL in the last 60s so Indianapolis, Kentucky and Northern Tennessee could have media coverage.
And so Paul Brown could poop on Art Modell
Bengals and Ravens getting snubbed in the team rundowns, smh.
Bengals and Ravens getting snubbed in the team rundowns, smh.
(stolen from Star Trek: DS9 episode “The Way of the Warrior”)
“You’d better hope that I exaggerate, or else when they start singing songs about this season and come to your verse, it will be ‘and the Bengals and Ravens came along.'”
*”The Sword of Kayless” I mean
The more I see Justin Herbert referred to as Herbie, the more I picture Dave drawing him as Herbie, the VW Beetle. After Derek Car and now Wilson as a Ford Bronco, I guess it’s only a matter of time
Considering all the other AFCW QBs have a character (Kermit Mahomes, Joey the Tiger, Derek Car) it would make a lot of sense.
Since when are the Bengals in the AFCW?
Welp, that’s embarrassing. I was thinking that one orange team and I guess my mind went to the Bengals. What I MEANT to say was Kermit Mahomes, Derek Car, and Tiny Russ
How about making his character another Muppet:
“Herb Bert” could be the long-haired stoner friend of Kermit Mahomes….
That or “Herb Bert” is the dealer on the corner of Sesame Street…
If the pats win against the packers, you should totally draw mac as a big mac
Unless Hoyer is starting
In that case you draw Hoyer as Mr. Hero.
Mayor McCheese! Eating a cheese hat.
Hey when are we getting IR comics?
I think this might be the first time we’ve seen a normal sized Russ in a comic. Breaking ground today!
Yeah, I thought that Tiny Russ Wilson would be hood ornament-sized on that Ford Bronco.
Maybe it’s a toy Bronco
Speaking as a 49ers fan, if we continue to play the rest of this season the way we played tonight, Shanahan will be the only coach still on the team next year (besides maybe some of our special teams coaches but who cares about them) because all our defensive coaches will be hired away to other teams and all our offensive coaches will be fired.
You forgot to mention the Titans and Jets in your rundown. Where do they fit?
pay entechon to me
Good day Dave! Hope you’re enjoying your vacation. I did decide to enter your picks into my pool again this year, and if it wasn’t for the stupid 49ers, you would have won the week!
Anyway, since I don’t think you care how well you do, I’m not going to post updates very much, if at all, but for the moment you’re in a 3-way tie for 5th place at 27 points. The leader currently has 30 points. I think this is higher up in the standings than you were all last year!
Also, it feels like the Chargers are probably fucked. Rashawn Slater & Jaylen Guyton are done for the year, and Joey Bosa is out an unknown amount of time. Keenan has only played half a game. There’s no replacing Slater, and that just puts Herbert in further jeopardy.
Showed Josh Allen getting an enema when the Dolphins gave their own dude a football-enema.
I know this is our throwaway season to swallow the last of the dead money, but for Fields, the WRs need to wave their arms at him and the offense needs to be focusing on first downs instead of home runs. Gotta crawl before you can walk. 2 interceptions this week and they were on bad decisions. 1st INT you can see St Brown running free at the top of the screen. Free Touchdown. 2nd INT was 3rd and 6 and Kmet had one man to beat for 3 yards. I’d say we have a future yet. I’m not declaring fields a bust as of now.
LOL you forgot to put the Titans
i took a blacksmithing class from a black guy named smith, who opened the class by acknowledging the fact. he also listened to steely dan every class. he was so cool.
we need irl
OMG HE CHOSE THE GIANTS TO WIN A GAME WE ARE FREE GO BIG BLUE
“Hurts is legit”
Nah. He’s garBOOO. He’ll be exposed this week.