CARTOON BETS WEEK 11: The Bills Made Us Really Think They’d Do Something
What the fuck, Bills. The Colts aren’t an easy out by any stretch this year but in Buffalo? In bad weather against a dome team? The Patriots are now officially in first place after the Bills are 2-3 over the last 5 games. All that hype last year bleeding into this year, and they are letting it just slip by them. This was supposed to be their division now. The Patriots were rebuilding and should be a wildcard at best. Now the Bills are in genuine danger of slipping away. What on earth is happening in Buffalo right now?
Since I had to spend the day in bed reading due to my migraine I didn’t actually watch much football. I saw the Patriots demolish the Falcons and the Giants shit the bed as expected, but you fine folks might have to explain the other results to me as I just sorta browsed highlights. Not that my judgments mean much anymore. I’m doing far worse than last year on picks, and the problem is absolutely the chaos that is in the league right now. The Cowboys lost! The Vikings won! The Eagles and TEAM are on winning streaks! The Titans lost to…THE TEXANS? The Raiders are on a 3 game skid and no longer look good.
I tried to reverse jinx the Saints to beat the Eagles and then that ends up being the game I get right. I am 2-8 on the Saints this season. 3-7 for the Panthers. The Texans, Dolphins, Colts, Bears, and Patriots are my best records at 8-2.
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WEEK 12! THANKSGIVING WEEK!
BEARS @ LIONS
The Lions are gonna win a game and it might be this one but I can’t pick them yet
If the Lions win, I will draw Dan Campbell eating a turkey’s kneecaps
RAIDERS @ COWBOYS
The Raiders suck now. The Giants broke them. That happens to teams.
If the Raiders win, I will draw Derek Carr flying a turkey through the sky
BILLS @ SAINTS
Picking the Saints because I want the Bills back on track
If the Bills win, I will draw Josh Allen dumping buffalo sauce on his turkey
STEELERS @ BENGALS
Steelers have stumbled lately, Bengals looked good. Going Bengals.
If the Steelers win, I will draw Pennsylvania shoving Ohio in a locker
PANTHERS @ DOLPHINS
Panthers aren’t good, Dolphins are probably worse. Enjoying the Cam encore.
If the Dolphins win, I will draw a Dolphin making Cam leap through hoops
EAGLES @ GIANTS
The Eagles seem to be quietly coming together somewhat this year against all odds. The Giants are the Giants.
If the Giants win, I will draw the empire state building peeing on the liberty bell
TITANS @ PATRIOTS
If the gods of chaos are truly with us, the Patriots shall lose this game. But you can’t predict chaos and the Pats are rolling.
If the Titans win, I will draw Mike Vrabel splattering Mac Jones with his Nissan Titan
FALCONS @ JAGUARS
Gross. I guess Falcons.
If the Jags win, I will draw Urban Meyer grinding the state of Georgia
BUCS @ COLTS
This feels harder to call than it should be, but I guess Bucs.
If the Colts win, I will draw Centaur Carson Wentz
JETS @ TEXANS
Gross! Even grosser than Falcons Jags. Who made this matchup?
If the Texans win, I will draw Jack Easterby riding a bull
CHARGERS @ BRONCOS
The Chargers reluctantly have my faith once more. But I’m watching you, Chargers. Don’t fuck this up.
If the Broncos win, I will draw a Ford Bronco beating up a Dodge Charger
VIKINGS @ 49ERS
Changing this pick because I read the schedule wrong and thought the Vikings were at home. 49ers should win.
If the Vikings win, I will draw Kirk Cousins with an ass like a mack truck
RAMS @ PACKERS
Massive game! Both teams are fighting for the top seed and both have recently faltered. I’m liking the Packers due to Stafford never doing well in Lambeau
If the Rams win, I will draw Stafford and his wife pelting Rodgers with pretzels
BROWNS @ RAVENS
The Ravens are missing half their team on any given week and still keep winning.
If the Browns win, I will draw hospital Baker beating up a hospital Raven with his crutches
SEAHAWKS @ TEAM
The Seahawks weren’t just bad without Russ. They are just plain bad. This is a bad football team. The other football team is mediocre.
If the Seahawks win, I will draw the Space Needle using a guillotine on the Washington Monument
I’m not in love with my bets this week so if you have any good ideas, throw ’em my way. This will be the only post this week, I think my migraine was related to a bit of burnout so I will be taking the holiday week to rest.
EDIT: LOL GARRETT GOT FIRED. Shuffling the deck chairs on the Titanic
Picking the Raiders to lose almost guarantees that they’ll win, now.
Called it.
If the Colts win, you should draw Peyton coming out of the crowd to hit Tom Brady with a chairshot while Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler react in the background.
Bah gawd! He’s got a family!
Can the bronco be a white bronco with gloves that don’t quite fit?
Instead of the remote state building you should do the statue of liberty in the Giants bet.
Statue of Liberty isn’t in New York. But then again the Giants don’t play in NY either, so go figure.
The Statue of Liberty is indeed in New York.
It’s… complicated. The island belongs to NY, but it’s in the waters of NJ. Both states have been fighting over it for 300 years, and both states are considered a legitimate answer regarding where Liberty resides. Growing up in New Jersey in the 80s, I was taught that both the Statue of Liberty AND the Giants are Joisey-ites.
It would be simpler to have the white Ford Bronco stab the Charger.
Darth Hoodie has a virulent dislike for chaos and has occasionally shown a magical ability to stifle it in his own locality. All he has to do is tell chaos to do its job … elsewhere.
When you say “the Oilers”, you’re talkin’ Super Bowl…
Instead of hospital raven you could have broken Baker beating up sick Lamar.
lol fuckin urban meyer wouldnt touch georgia with a thirty foot pole unless it involved college football
If you got COVID, the migraines may be a long term effect. My mother and sister got tiredness and my father and I got migraines. My father never had migraines before he had COVID and now he gets severe migraines to the point where his doctor prescribed him medicine for them.
I also got the parting gift from COVID, but its not as bad as my dad. I usually keep a bottle of Excedrin at home and when I feel a migraine start to show up, I take two pills and stop it before it starts.
I also got some other stuff, but I’m uncertain if its COVID Long Hauler or the fact that I’m getting up there in age and I personally kept all the fast food restaurants in the area open during the epidemic.
“and I personally kept all the fast food restaurants in the area open” made me laugh 😀 and also is probably the reason haha. I hope you start feeling better soon!
man that sucks, im really sorry
did the vaccine help mitigate the symptoms somewhat? ive read in news and literature that in some cases getting vaccinated has helped take the edge off long covid symptoms
The vaccine did help a lot.
awesome, i hope the rest of that shit disappears soon
Awesome!
i actually just got better (basically 100% recovered as of today) from the rona, and i’d gotten vaxxed (moderna, second shot back in may). it still fucked me up pretty good (i was scheduled to get my booster the week i got sick), so i can only imagine what it would have been like without my immune system having a detailed dossier beforehand. i had lingering headaches (i never get headaches and congestion), but it seems to have passed. as a side note: i’ve been doing tai chi for fifteen years now, and i feel like the attention to breath and baseline level of activity/fitness it imposes helped me. i made a point of doing zhangzhuan (the standing/breathing meditation), with a special focus towards deep/clear breathing, and i also think it helped clear my lungs faster than would have otherwise been the case.
still sucked pretty bad. that fatigue was unreal. i’d wake up feeling fine, walk the dog for forty minutes, and then spend the rest of the day sleeping or laying on the couch.
get vaxxed!
I’ve had migraines infrequently since I was a teen. Not my first. Getting a covid test to be safe today but I’m 99.9% sure it’s just related to my ongoing stomach mess. As far as I know, I’ve never even caught covid
In retrospect, i wish that the Colts image was Taylor riding a passed-out Buffalo.
FYI, since it seems to be a big part of your pick: 49ers vs Vikings is in SF, not in MIN.
I feel like this is the first time you picked both the Bears and Washington to win
If the Falcons win, draw Urban Meyer doing his best Bobby Petrino impression and fucking off without warning
I’m disappointed that we probably won’t get another comic this week only because I want to see Dave’s thoughts on Jason “The Clapper” Garrett being unceremoniously kicked to the curb. Get well soon so you can enjoy the majesty that is Detroit Thanksgiving football.
>The 49ers have found a bit of a groove too. Guess I’ll go Vikings since they are at home.
The 49ers are at home. But since they’ve won only 1 game at home for like a year, I can see why you’re giving the advantage to the Vikings
Can we talk about how our so-called “Elite” defense played against the TEAM, (still love saying that). Like of course Cam gives me hope only for our defense to throw the game away to Taylor Heinicke of all people. Our season and the Raiders are very similar in that both of our teams gave us so much hope only for it to be taken away and us realizing we may not actually be good.
For what it’s worth, the Bucs super-defense that dragged the slumping offense through the playoffs last year also struggled against Heinecke. When Heiney is on, he is ON. When he’s off though…..basically he’s just Ryan Fitzpatrick.
The slumping offense that scored at least 30 points in all four playoff games?
Maybe I’m just sick and demented, but as much as many others found the previous Jags comics a bit disturbing, I loved them.
I’m all for comics of Urban Meyer grinding on any mascot. Or the coach of whatever team he beats, as long as the losing coach gets the starry eyes and flush cheeks treatment that Fin and Khan got previously.
Damn, Dave.
The Clapper gets fired only to be replaced by… FREDDIE KITCHENS????
You have my sympathy….
Dude anything Colts related should have a Wentz centaur. It just makes sense.
Colt’s QB Carson Wencztaur
Hey Dave, here’s your pool update post week 11:
You got an 8, which was lower-middle of the pack for the week. The weekly winner, who was also leading the pool as of last week, got a 12.
Overall, you’re at 97, which is good for a tie from 13th – 16th out of 27. The current leader has 111.
Dave,
You should just look up the raider’s reddit coin post by “pongislame” for all your future raider’s predictions.