CARTOON BETS WEEK 1 – The Vikings are off to their usual start
WEEK 1 is (almost) over! The Baltim-IR Ravens still have to take on Las Vegas. If that game goes poorly for me, tune in tomorrow for an extra image.
EDIT: RAIDERS/RAVENS WITH THE MANNINGCAST WAS A TOP 5 GAME OF THE YEAR ALREADY, ABSOLUTE LAUGHER
So what did we learn from week 1? Well, honestly nothing. Week 1 is week 1. What happens in week 1 only ends up making sense in hindsight and the context of the later season. What games were flukes? What games were actually revealing of the teams that are good/bad? It’s impossible to know at this point, but there should be plenty of tidbits to look at.
The Packers looked awful. There is no reason to panic yet. If they look like that against the Lions next week, then it’s time to panic. The Saints might actually just be good. Jameis finally lived up to his pre-draft hype. I’m not ready to live in a world where Jameis is elite. Kyle Shanahan showed he still doesn’t know how to close out a game and the Lions almost came back in a game they had no business even being in. Cleveland still looks legit, even if the game ended up getting away from them. Arizona is the one team I would be wary of getting too hyped about. That was certainly a dominating win by the Cardinals (Chandler Jones my goodness) but it was the kind of domination that felt unsustainable and partially due to the Titans underachiving. Felt pretty proud to have called that one coming though.
Vikings/Bengals ended up being one of the best games of the weekend, but it felt like a case of “two evenly matched bad teams combine to make a good game”. I don’t trust either of them to win against better teams. And the weirdest part of all, the two rookie head coaches to get that first win gatorade bath were…David Culley and Nick Sirianni. Just as we all predicted.
I have zero desire to watch the Giants this year. It just looks like it’ll be another waste of a season. The only bright spot I see is when everyone gets fired by the season’s end. Daniel Jones will never be better than backup-caliber. The defense is solid but again spent so much time on the field due to their own inability to stop 3rd downs and because the offense never does jack shit. There is a lot of talent on this team, but Judge seems like a dumb prick, Garrett can’t call a game for shit, and Daniel Jones isn’t a question of if he’ll turn the ball over, but when.
Lets look ahead at week 2!
GIANTS @ TEAM
The TEAM lost Fitz to injury early and as of this writing, I’m not sure if he’ll be back for the game or not. But it doesn’t matter. The Giants are pretty much only capable of consistently beating Washington but I think even that streak ends this week. The TEAM put up a good fight against Herbert and the Chargers, and the Giants do not have a Justin Herbert. The rest of the TEAM is pretty stacked. I think the one bright spot of the season ends.
If the Giants win, I will draw Daniel Jones peeing on a TEAM logo, as every other team pees on him
RAIDERS @ STEELERS
I dont know how good the Raiders are since as of writing they haven’t played yet. But my hopes are low because the Steelers handled the Bills. I will never trust a Jon Gruden team.
If the Raiders win, I will draw Derek as a Car
49ERS @ EAGLES
Eagles put up a decent enough performance against a hapless Falcons franchise. I’m not sure it’ll work against the 49ers, who despite the almost choke are still just far too loaded.
If the Eagles win, I will draw Jalen Hurts twerking on Yosemite Sam
TEXANS @ BROWNS
The Texans did much better than I expected, even if it was against a disgusting pile of crap Jacksonville calls a football team. I’m not sure they are going to be as effective against a Browns team that held its own with the class of the AFC.
If the Texans win, I will draw the wheels falling off the Browns bandwagon
BRONCOS @ JAGUARS
I still don’t have a high opinion of the Broncos, and Jerry Jeudy is hurt now, but the team I saw on Sunday against the Giants felt like a better Broncos team than I expected. Vic Fangio called the game with big brass balls. Teddy Bridgewater played fast and loose in a way I’ve never seen him do before. There was actually a lot to like. If they keep doing that and it isn’t a one-week wonder, that is going to win them some games. Especially this one.
If the Jaguars win, I will draw Trevor Lawrence on a horse
RAMS @ COLTS
The Rams looked as fun as I hoped they would with Stafford at the helm. The Colts looked as mediocre as I expected they would. Sometimes I’m right. Hope I continue to be right.
If the Colts win, I will draw a horse happy in the Lucas Oil Barn
BILLS @ DOLPHINS
If the Bills start 0-2 things might begin to unravel. The Dolphins managed to beat the Patriots, but it wasn’t convincing in the slightest. My opinion on the Dolphins is souring rapidly and it feels more necessary for the Bills to win this one to keep the season from going into early crisis mode.
If the Dolphins win, I will draw Tua as a mermaid
PATRIOTS @ JETS
It was funny watching the Patriots and Mac Jones. The hate I’ve felt for so long was significantly diminished. I still don’t want them to win games, but with Brady gone, the inevitability of them feels missing. They feel like a regular team again. It’s refreshing. Zack Wilson didn’t look too bad out there, but the Jets are so utterly depleted of any talent that it’ll be at least a year before we have to take them seriously.
If the Jets win, I will draw Belichick dreaming of the 3 hours he was the Jets coach
BENGALS @ BEARS
The Bears should probably not play Andy Dalton. I’m not sure if they will for this one, but they shouldn’t. If they start Fields, I like their chances more. But that said, I still think they can beat the Bengals. This is a more important game for the Bengals. If they can pull this win off, they might have something brewing.
If the Bengals win, I will draw Joe Burrow putting out his cigar in a bear’s eye
FALCONS @ BUCS
Well any faith I had in the Falcons potentially being okay quickly went out the window this past weekend. They can’t possibly beat the champs.
If the Falcons win, I will draw Matt Ryan crying with joy over shrugging Tom Brady
VIKINGS @ CARDINALS
The Cardinals showed life, the Vikings looked mediocre. Gotta go with the hot hand on this one, especially at home.
If the Vikings win, I will draw Kirk Cousins, rejecting a shot of Cardinals vax
TITANS @ SEAHAWKS
The Titans are a good pick for team most likely to regress this year. They didn’t look good against Arizona and going into Seattle is a recipe for starting bad. Wouldn’t be surprised if things enter panic mode after this loss.
If the Titans win, I will draw Derek Henry cooking Russ
SAINTS @ PANTHERS
I’m not sure the Saints are as good as they looked against the Packers, but they are probably pretty good. The Panthers looked mediocre against the terrible Jets.
If the Panthers win, I will draw a black cat stealing Jameis’ crab legs
COWBOYS @ CHARGERS
The Cowboys proved themselves to look like a team that should be favorites in the NFCE. Dak looked great. The team held their own against the stacked champs. Now, the Bucs kinda flopped about a bunch in that game and didn’t quite resemble their best selves, but the Boys still looked decent. I think they can and probably will beat the Chargers. I know the Chargers just beat the team, but the Team has no QB, and I refuse to trust the Chargers yet.
If the Chargers win, I will draw Mike McCarthy being electrocuted
CHIEFS @ RAVENS
This probably would have been a better game before the Ravens lost half the team to IR.
If the Ravens win, I will draw Lamar Jackson, RB1
LIONS @ PACKERS
Man, a week ago, this looked like a pathetic slaughter. Now it might actually be a good game. This is probably a must-win for the Packers now, and after a week of listening to people doubt him, Rodgers will be plenty fueled up on spite gas.
If the Lions win, I will draw the Packers in panic mode
Brandon Staley also got his first coaching win, proving the Chargers can win close games as long as Lynn isn’t there to ruin everything.
Lookin’ for that Saints/Panthers prediction
I was going to say this, too. The Chargers – The Rodney Dangerfield of the NFL. Hopefully the late game choking is left behind in the Philip Rivers / Anthony Lynn / Mike McCoy / Norv Turner eras. If anyone actually saw the game, you’d see a team that got the ball with 6 1/2 minutes left in the 4th and a lead, and never gave the football back. A team that threw it many times on that drive, instead of being too scared to risk a turnover. A team that completed four 3rd down passes on that drive to put the TEAM away.
Anyway, Dave, here’s your pool update. You finished 8/16, which is good for middle of the pack so far (tied for 13th – 22nd place out of 27 participants (so far). Current lead is a 3 way tie with 11.
You just need to give Daniel Jones some time. The exciting part about year 3 is seeing that he’s finally mastered the most difficult of tasks – knowing that you have to secure the ball.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/E_HmpVeXMAQYy3x?format=jpg&name=4096×4096
… next year he’ll work on doing that using his hands, and if all goes well, by year 6 or 7 he’ll be a fully functioning QB.
But, c’mon, our boy Daniel played better than Aaron Rodgers and Football Goldilocks!!!
lol Gnats are and will be meaningless as usual.
No saints vs panthers?
Because you forgot the Saints/Panthers, I feel you should draw a piece where Tom Brady holds a hurricane in his hands with the Saints, Panthers, and Falcons caught up in it.
i wonder if, like last year, dave’s cover photo cartoon avatar will grow slowly more unhinged with each passing week
If the Packers lose, you should make the “panic mode” drawing be this, but with the players running around instead
https://i.imgflip.com/1fsvf9.jpg
I wasn’t a fan of the Sirianni hire when the eagles made it, but the more I’ve looked at the team and the offseason that he’s had at the helm the more he looks like a great hire. It’s still early, but the team looks very crisp and the players, goodness the players LOVE him.
I don’t have much faith in the Broncos long term, but on the bright side we’ve got a hilariously soft-ball schedule for the first time in forever. It’ll be a while before we know how good this team actually is because we’ll be playing dumpster teams for a good while.
I wouldn’t gas the Saints just yet, but I do think people were severely underestimating that defense over the offseason. Even without Trey Hendrickson they still have plenty of talent and it showed against Green Bay. That unit is bound to win them quite a few games this year alone.
To Jameis’ credit, though, he did an excellent job of taking advantage of the many short fields his defense handed him and more importantly, *not turning the ball over*. Never thought we’d see the day that happened.
GenCon is this weekend in Indy this year. You should change the Colts comic to “if the Colts win I’ll draw a bunch of Star Wars nerds beating up a ram piñata with lightsabers.
Man I wish I could go to GenCon. It’s heaven for board gamers.
I’m ready for a comic about geriatric Fitzpatrick getting Fitzed this week. He’s been a backup that got a starting chance for his entire career. Finally it happened to him. Old broken hip. Somehow it doesn’t affect Brady though.
That was a really entertaining game that turned into a Three Stooges routine in the last five minutes of regulation and overtime. How do you fuck up first and goal from the half yard line?