Cam and Tannehill get paid
Jun02
on June 2, 2015
at 12:01 am
I’ve been patiently waiting this whole offseason for the moment Wilson or Luck finally gets the big paycheck so I could make a continuation of the Fort Elite Money running gag I’ve had going since Flacco’s contract, but instead of either of them I’ve gotten Ryan Tannehill and Cam Newton making bank in the meantime. So something had to be done. Suck it, Poors.
Will Andrew Luck finally shave his Homeless Man Beard when he gets paid? Will Russell Wilson buy stilts? Did Cam Newton change his insurance policy to Allstate so he can get better protected from Mayhem, like Carolina drivers? These are the burning questions the sports median needs to ask.
Luck shaved his beard three months ago. The Clarificator just got Clarificatored
And only 1 (RAHGERS) actually should be worth that much (Possibly Flacco and Cam could be considered ELITE enough; Luck is elite enough).
That’s exactly what they’re worth because that’s what the market dictates a quarterback is worth.
Now if we can get RG3 with a foam cup begging for loose change…
I’m calling it right now – one of two things will happen:
1. The Pats will claim RG3 off waivers, and he’ll be a Pro Bowler in 2020.
-or-
2. Chip Kelly will sign him to a $120M contract, and he’ll be out of the league by 2017.
As a Pats fan I’m rooting for Janeane Garofalo to be the next man up. He shows potential.
If you only knew…
Okay, Dalton throwing up the hand sign in that 2nd panel is just hilarious.
I doubt either will have a deal this year. It may work out better that way anyways if the salary cap increases next year.
that sexy rexy in the clouds was priceless
What, no Kap asking Baalke if he’s been good enough to get his money and go play in the money fort?
Is the “Super Mega Awesome” an AVPM reference?
Why is Matt Ryan not the weird kid with his own fort in these comics? He’s a hundred million dollar man and he’s so bland that it would be perfect.
Matt Ryan has all of his Hella Paid money invested in a diversified portfolio consisting primarily of preferred stock in evergreen companies, local community investments, and overseas manufacturing, in addition to a Roth IRA, so he can’t play with any of his money. I say this because Falcons Hard Knocks taught me one thing, and one thing only: Matt Ryan is one of the whitest people on the face of this earth, and this is probably is one of the whitest things you could possibly do when you sign a nine-figure contract.
I can’t believe you didn’t go all Power Rangers on JJ’s ass.
Somehow (and I don’t know how I feel about this) Romo should be on the fort too…
may the football gods spare me for my hubris.
Should’ve had Luck and Wilson in one of those little turtle sandboxes, but made of money.
What about Kaep? Or does the somewhat pay-as-you-go nature of the contract means he has an incomplete fort that he works on once a year?