Broncos Fans Perversions Rear Their Ugly Head
Jake Butt.
Jake Butt is a real name. Jake Butt plays Tight End. Tight End. This is the kind of thing that even those bad “Epic Movie” style parody movies would consider too on the nose for a joke. Butt he’s real. He has a endorsement deal with Charmin toilet paper. Real life is stranger than fiction. Butt wore #88 in college. What number looks most like two butt cheeks together? 8. He wore two 8s. I’m so happy I could cry.
The Denver Broncos drafted the Michigan Man Ass at pick #145, the first pick of the 5th round. As a long standing butt enthusiast, I can only hope he sufficiently recovers from his knee injury that caused his draft stock to plummet so that he can become a hall of fame tight end. I want Mr. Butt to have the longest career a player has ever had. I never want the puns to stop. When Butt finally fumbles a ball, I will cry at the beauty of twitter making millions of Buttfumble jokes. I will relish every single bad pun headline Broncos beat writers use. Broncos Bring Up The Rear. The Butt of the Joke. A Real Horse’s Ass. The Broncos Fall Behind. The worse the pun, the better the pun. There is a man literally named Jake Butt. His name is literally BUTT.
If Butt jerseys are not the #1 jersey sold in Colorado by the time the season starts, we have failed as a country. Mr. Butt is a hero. I cannot imagine the level of torment his childhood must have been full of. No one survives school with a name like that without battle scars. Butt Jake owned it. He owns his Butt legacy.
Jake Butt.
I made him a draft card to round out my 2017 class.
he has to be on the field because i have to have Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth bantering on national TV about Butt. he has to be on the field so that if the defense doesn’t cover Butt it offends Joe Buck’s sensibilities. he has to be on the field because we need to hear Jon Gruden babbling about how much he loves Butt.
Wish he was drafted by the packers so we could say pack butt.
Or Packers fans would yell BUTTT”
lol
that’s what i’m sayin
Come on Dave. This is the real world. There is no chance he would be allowed to play anything but Tight End with that name.
If you like butts so much, why don’t you marry them? Then you’d be Marion Butts.
BUTTS LOL
LOLBUTTS
Also a fellow was drafted as a defensive lineman with the name “Dee Lineart” seriously, Dee Line-art on the D line, you can’t make this shit up…
And his number looks like a pair of asses grinding against each other, which I’m sure was intentional.
I can hear Rob Gronkowski’s head exploding from here.
Hi Spilly
We can finally hear “Siemian to Butt” be called on commentary.
Or Lynch
Damn.. I loved him when he was at Michigan but I hate him now since he’s a Bronco.
My 11-year-old daughter was itching (ha!) for a Jake Butt jersey as soon as she heard him mentioned on the draft.
That ended when he went to the Broncos. She’s crushed…..
Give her a Michigan Butt
Personally, I think it speaks to his demeanor that Jake is able to take being the butt of so many jokes in stride. If I were him, I’d be anal about my name. Every time it reared up behind me, I would just lose my shit. Anyone who cracked a joke about it would be tossed out the back door.
Lynch the Butt!…I mean Lynch to Butt!
When Butt becomes a Hall of Fame tight end, his bust can be placed next to Dick Butkus and Willie Wood, and together they can start the “Funny Human Anatomy-Based Names” section in the Hall of Fame.
Which is naturally right next to the Johnson wing of the Hall
The one office job I ever suffered through had a HR director named, and I shit you not; “Dick Dickerson”. I got called in on some total bullshit*, and he was a total stone-cold fuckin pro. He was a Navy vet and he owned that name. He could have gone by “Richard” butt he said “Fuckit, come at me bro.”
I was a temp, and he knew the complaint from the “real employee” was nonsense, but he called me five minutes before she came in and laid it on the line. He laid out the situation; “Listen, we both know this is bullshit, but you’re a temp, and can be fired for nothing. So play along, and I’ll make sure you’re okay. She came in and told her nonsense, and he smiled and nodded and sent her off and then turned to me and said “Allright. This is over. Hang out for a minute so it looks like I’m castigating you, and then go back to work, ok?”
“ok”
He turns back to his keyboard for a few seconds, and then turns back. “What does castigate mean?”
“Um, it means to “chew out”, sir,” I respond.
“Allright, you can go.”
That might be the highest respect-to-time-spent-with ratio of anyone in my life.
DICK MOTHERFUCKING DICKERSON
Dick Dickerson, you the real MVP
*i relate her BS if anyone cares
I can see a few new products:
A snack mix called “Butt Munch”
A cologne called “Butt Whiff”
And look in the dairy case for “Butt Cheese”!
Hey, guess what?
Did you just steal a joke from iCarly? http://icarly.wikia.com/wiki/Pear_Company
1. – no, what the fuck is iCarly
2. – I’ve drawn my laptops as “Pears” for some time, it’s just coincidence.
The pear has been there forever tho
I have a feeling Dave would really enjoy final fantasy V.
My mom had a patient named Harry Chestnut
Somebody write up a restraining order against Mark Sanchez, quick, unless we want the poor bastard permanently embedded in those lovely, lovely cheeks.
This is not the first time you have made Butt jokes.
Although the previous one was way, way more subtle
http://www.thedrawplay.com/comic/insurance-salesman/
Well, he tore one of his ACLs the third time.