Brock Osweiler Is Born
Sometimes you just gotta make the weird comics that pop into your brain at 4pm in the afternoon when you’re sitting in your backyard in PJs eating sunflower seeds watching your stupid 6 month old puppy chase squirrels around the fence. She never has any chance of catching them. She can’t jump high enough. All that jumping and all those sunflower seeds make you really thirsty. Starts making you think about water. Water makes you think about Miami, which is about a decade from not existing anymore thanks to rising water levels. Maybe the Dolphins did right by picking up Brock Osweiler. He may not be good at his job, but with the rising water levels, soon he will have a distinct advantage during home games as he’ll be the only player on the field tall enough to not drown. It makes you wonder if he was always really big. Did he come out with dreams of playing basketball? Of playing football? Of fighting giraffes? If Brock Osweiler was my dog, he’d be tall enough to catch the squirrels on the top of the fence. But then I’d have a dog that’s even worse at playing quarterback than my 6 month old idiot puppy. Anyway Brock sucks at football but I hope his tall ass stays on the dolphins because the league is better with Brock Osweiler occasionally being bad on television.
He looks so happy to be born
I’m amazed we don’t have our own post-Marino hydra of suck-ass QBs.
Basically the same time frame too:
1. Huard
2. Fiedler
3. Lucas
4. Griese
5. Feeley
6. Rosenfels
7. Frerotte
8. Culpepper
9. Harrington
10 Lemon
11. Green
12. Beck
13. Pennington
14. Henne
15. Thigpen
16. Moore
17. Tannehill
18. Cutler
Not quite as long as ours, but still impressive. Tannehill and Fiedler gave you a few years of stability in there.
I might be wrong, but I’ll go to my grave maintaining that Chad Pennington could have been a decent QB if his body wasn’t constructed out of tissue paper and candy glass.
Ah, yes, the old “he would have been good if he hadn’t been not good at [crucial factor]”
Pennington was good! And I’ll forever be thankful for that one time he sent the JEST (who sent him packing earlier that year) and Bert Frave home, even if that did mean the Patriots missed the playoffs that year.
Jp Losman
Can we get the two hydras fighting each other?
“…4pm in the afternoon when you’re sitting in your backyard in PJs eating sunflower seeds watching your stupid 6 month old puppy chase squirrels around the fence.”
This is a good life.
Dave are you OK? Do Tuesdays just put you in a weird place?
Miami counts.
Oh my God, Brock Lobster = Doug Funnie confirmed!
If that’s the case is Brees waiting for the water levels to rise to retire? I think New Orleans will need a 13 footer.
Dope! I posted this before we traded for another short QB! Doesn’t Teddy Bridgewater sound more like the name of a Confederate general than a quarterback?
69 pounds at birth, nice!