The Draw Play

There are a lot of reasons to be very unhappy about the current Super Bowl matchup. One that affects only me is that I can’t just reuse the same stupid puns I used two years ago for the previous Puppy Bowl matchup. We have pretty much the same two rosters all over again. yeah, a couple differences, but not enough that anyone outside the direct fandoms are probably going to notice. Oh No, only one Kelpie this year because the other Kelpie retired. Hooray.

So I guess just Saquon Barkley finally gets his due. I’ve had several people ask me if I’m happy for Saquon and if I want him to win a ring and fuck no. He’s an Eagle. He’s the enemy. Saquon can be the best dude on the planet as long as he wears that uniform he can lick my bones. Why should I be happy for him? He wasn’t some long-standing franchise cornerstone that gave me a ton of great memories. He was an often-injured running back who struggled to be consistent on a bad team with no support for 5 years, turned down the team’s attempt to give him a second contract, and immediately bailed for the most hated rival team. All Giants fans got out of Barkley was a marketable player, likable guy, an offensive rookie of the year award, and a single playoff win. He’s basically already eclipsed his entire Giants resume in one season in Philly. I have no loyalty to Saquon Barkley. I have infinitely more loyalty to Steve Spagnolo on the Chiefs, who at this point has done so much in a Chiefs outfit that I’m not sure Giants fans can even rightly claim him anymore.

I’m not going to hate him if the Eagles win, and I don’t judge him very much for doing the smartest thing for his career while my own team was deeply incompetent. But I am absolutely, unequivocally, never going to root for him as long as he wears that uniform. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck that. I hope he fumbles 10 times and has the worst super bowl a player has ever had.

Anyway POST YOUR PUPPY PUNS
Vikings legend Daniel Bones
Malick Nabers
Tybone Tracy
Spayden Daniels
Bone Nix
Marvin Hairy son Jr
Quinyon Bitchell
Nate Waggins
Ricky Peesall
Ladd McCorgi
Pooper DeJean