Too Many Money Forts
Each year Flacco’s contract feels less and less ridiculous. Flacco may have gotten obscenely paid, but he won a damn Super Bowl for that cash. Each QB to get paid since has more or less earned it, to varying degrees. The only one I’d question is Tannehill, but he’s been a reliable starter for years now, so I’m willing to give him a partial pass. But with so many teams strapped for QB talent these mega contracts trickle down and inflate the mediocre talents. Sam Bradford. Josh McCown. And now quite possibly the funniest contract I’ve seen in years. 72 million for Brock Osweiler? Are you kidding me? As far as I’m concerned that’s the most baffling contract of the offseason. At least Oliver Vernon’s deal is structured smartly (Front-loaded during a large cap space year for the Giants) and he had an actual body of work on his resume.
But goddamn Brock Osweiler? This is the equivalent of Sam Bradford getting his mega contract before playing a down. Brock is basically a rookie who has done nothing of any value except start half a dozen games and barely manage them, on a team where QB play barely mattered because of the defense. I mean Peyton Manning was having his worst season ever and so they put Osweiler in, and then Osweiler was so mediocre they put broken ass Peyton back in and basically told him “just run the ball and don’t take a single risk” and then won a Super Bowl. The guy who had a chance to take over for a physically broken Peyton Manning after years of getting to learn behind him and basically failed gets a contract worth up to 72 Million dollars? With something like 18 million a year? And the Broncos offer was around 16 million a year? HAHAHAHAH *vomits blood*
So yeah, I’m not real high on Brock. Maybe he pans out. The Texans are a good team to be on. He’s got Nuk as a target and the best player in football already being the team leader. But still. *Vomits blood again*
I just realized andy Dalton looks like kirby with the fire power. Also, next year there will be a DC arena team
Washington DC, not DC comics, although I’d be in favor of a Gotham Batman team playing ball in NYC
Since it’s the offseason, there’s now somebody out there at work on trying to figure out which DC hero best fits each NFL position.
Batman QB
Super Man RB
Wonder Woman- Tight End
Green Lantern- O-Line
Flash -WR
If we work in super villains there is no better RB than Juggernaut. Also, put The Hulk on the O-line. Like… the entire O-line.
“Wonder Woman- Tight End”
Subtle
So Dave you believe JJ. Watt is the best player in all of Football?? Maybe defensive player, but not overall, with Brown, Julio and Bell all being contenders for best offensive player, its likely that one of those players is best overall.
I’m kind of flat out stunned you’d offer 3 offensive examples and none of them are QBs
Le’Veon Bell? Best player in the NFL? Really?
Well Antonio and Julio are certainly the best receivers, but I’ve always hated comparing players in different positions unless they directly match up like Corners and Receivers.
My opinion: I value offensive weapons more than a defensive beast. So I would take any of the top 3 to maybe 5 RBs and WRs over Watt, the best defensive player, as well as a host of QBs.
And I’m not arguing who is more valuable. That’s not a fair argument, because some players play positions inherently more valuable than others.
I’m arguing who is the best football player, with all positions treated equally. Antonio Brown is playing his position at an exceptional level. So is Jones. So is Bell. JJ Watt is playing his position at a transcendent level. He’s been in the league for 5 seasons and already has an argument for the hall of fame. He’s been defensive player of the year 3 times. He has as many Pro Bowls as Brown, and twice as many all-pros. Brown has been offensive player of the year just once. Julio never. Bell never. On top of that, the modern game is skewed very favorably on the side of offense, yet JJ is still playing better on the side of the ball that is being neglected and hamstrung. I mean, last year he was hurt, and had an arguble “down year”, which for JJ Watt was still being the best defender in football. He’s already tied for first with LAWRENCE TAYLOR for the most NFL defensive Player of the Year awards in history. In 5 seasons!
There is no player in the NFL playing their position at a level higher than JJ Watt. The only one who comes close is Gronk. But Gronk has Brady throwing him footballs. Actually, after last season, I’d hear an argument for Cam too.
And again, if you want to argue positional value, you need quarterbacks instead of some good weapons in your argument. I would take Peak Aaron Rodgers over peak Antonio Brown any day of the week, because QB is far more important than WR.
I think we should keep in mind that who you think is best of anything is a opinion, while you say JJ. Watt, I can say Antonio Brown is the best player, and neither of us is wrong.
JJ Watt is currently the Jerry Rice of the NFL. He’s not only the best, he’s so clearly far beyond his entire competition at his position that it’s not even a discussion. I’m not a Texans fan since they canned Kubes, but the only question is Gronk– those two dominate their positions so utterly that *not* recognizing them as 1A and 1B is either simple contrarianism, or ignorance.
ANDY DALTON CAN’T WIN A PLAYOFF GAME
True, but his playoff win plus/minus was 0 this year, so I’d argue that he is no more or less likely to win a playoff game than he was last off-season.
I personally liked how the Texans signed Osweiler, just because we have been in QB limbo since 2013 when Matt Schaub crashed and burned. We desperately needed someone who could perform better than the 4-headded monster of Hoyer, Mallet, Yates, and Weeden. We already had a defense that could carry us to the playoffs, we just needed a QB who wouldn’t tank the team, plus we had a lot of cap room. That explains why the Texans paid so much for Osweiler. Is Brock overpaid? Probably, but only time will tell.
But Brock is almost entirely unknown. And the bit he has played he hasn’t exactly looked GOAT.
So the Texans bet 72 million dollars that he turns out better than Hoyer, when there really is no guarantee of that. Could be, maybe even odds are in his favor. But there’s probably at least a 30-40% chance he does no better, and in that case the Texans are now desperately needing someone who can perform better than the 5-headed monster… AND they’re 72 mil in the hole
This is the biggest problem. The Texans were very desperate for a QB, so much that they’ve taken a huuuuuuuge gamble. There is a reasonable chance Brock is better than Hoyer. There is a chance he ends up actually being worth that money. But there is also a chance he’s just as bad if not worse. He’s a huge unknown with a very uninspiring small resume. This could really bite the Texans in the ass down the road. Watt, Brock and soon to be paid Nuk are going to take up all the cap room and the Texans are going to start bleeding. If Brock is a failure, it hurts even worse.
I hope so hard that Brock is a failure, and the Texans spiral out of control.
Teach them to fire Kubes.
“I hope so hard that Brock is a failure, and the Texans spiral out of control.”
Me too because I’m a very scared Colts fan.
Thankfully it’s a front heavy deal so after 2 years if we cut him the pain is minimal.
I’m not thrilled with it but I guess that’s the market for QB’s these days.
Also, Averien, Kubiak needed to go. He’s doing better in Denver and I’m glad. But he’d done very little in damn near a decade (2 playoff appearances, neither of which went deep) even when we had a pretty decent roster.
Wait, who’s up there dead on Elite Money Island?
Probably Newton. That close to the top and all he could do is fall over. Oh, the irony…
It’s Wilson and Newton but they are too small to really see at the resolution I post the comic at
why is his hair on fire is this an nba jam ironic joke
You know they had on fire in NFL Blitz.
Did the Texans overpay for Brock? Yep! As a Texans fan, am I glad to hopefully NEVER see Brian Hoyer trot out onto the football field ever again? DOUBLE YEP!
I suspect that Bill O’Brien didn’t think much of this years quarterback crop in the draft or maybe the price of trading numerous draft picks was too high to go get Goff or Wentz. Even if they did draft a QB, fans would have to stomach seeing Hoyer again for however long it took for that rookie to be ready. *VOMITS BLOOD*
Under the circumstances, I think they did the right thing. Brock’s contract is front-loaded so they can get rid of him in two years if he doesn’t work out…..and they didn’t lose draft picks or kill the cap to make this move.
In the end, even if Osweiler is mediocre, that’s still better quarterback play than the Texans have seen in years.
Keep the comics coming! They are a hoot!
The problem is that Hoyer outplayed Osweiler in the regular season. You have zero guarantee that Osweiler will be better than Hoyer. Or even as good. He certainly hasn’t been up to this point.
Well, Hoyer did get benched, just like Brock. I also seem to recall Osweiler beating some pretty good teams in the Pats & Bengals. Hoyer mostly won against poor teams. With Brock’s mediocre play the Broncos made the playoffs with him at the helm, while Hoyer was getting over his 15th concussion and other QBs helped Houston stay afloat. Finally Brock has never had as putrid a game as Hoyer’s playoff game against KC.
You may be right, and Osweiler sucks, but I’ll take the hope that he can be good over whatever we’ve already seen with Hoyer any day.
Also don’t forget that (Captain) Kirk Cousins got hella paid too. Granted he did start the whole season and performed pretty well the entire time as opposed to Badford and Brock Lobster who both had small sample sizes of mediocre play at best. Hilarious that some teams somehow think they are worth 18m a year now… O.o
Kirk did have a pretty solid year, even if he only won the NFC East. His contract was bloated mostly because of the franchise tag requirements. He is definitely more deserving of his deal as opposed to Bradford and Brock.
At first I thought that Brock Lobster’s money fort wasn’t that big. Then I noticed how tall he was.
No reference to our holiday? Kind of racist, but I’ll let it slide because the comic was good. I can’t wait to see how you tackle the whole garbage fire going on in Cleveland right now.
“Money Island was your idea.” No it wasn’t it was Russell Wilson’s.
http://www.thedrawplay.com/comic/russell-wilson-has-an-idea/
I just love how TheDrawPlay has gotten so popular, people actually remember past comics plot points and stuff like that.
Sooner or later ima take TDP to NFL memes, see how that works out.
Please no.
From personal experience dealing with them, the people behind NFL memes are scumbag content thieves.
I apologize for the notion.
If it is not rude, may I please inquire as to just what happened?
It’s run by a bunch of assholes who find stuff on the internet, take it and post it without giving credit (or even trying to find who made it), then slap their watermark all over it and get all the credit. They stole a lot of my stuff (frequently my KSK work) and ignored my emails asking for some credit linked to the articles. They only relented when I started calling them out publicly on twitter. Then I had to play nice just so they’d actually give me the smallest credit and link.
We got into it again when my editor at KSK called them out for a separate incident, and they haven’t really posted anything of mine since. Then when I made trump logos back in December, they not only stole the article, they COPIED IT WORD FOR WORD AND POSTED IT WITH ZERO CREDIT. Uproxx had to send them a cease and desist. They are a bunch of shitheads who have made a popular site by making easy memes and by re-posting other people’s work and doing their best to pretend they made it. The
They are king of a shit mountain. Any twitter “parody account” like “NOT ESPN” or Terez Owens is pretty much the same crap. Parody accounts and people like this are the bane of actual content creators like myself who slave away to make something unique, and get it stolen by hacks who just share en-masse for cheap clicks. The best part is that they get REALLY MAD if someone steals their own work. Hypocrites.
These people are the reason my name and logo are plastered all over my images now. Some of these people actively Photoshop my name out. I have nothing but disdain for these people.
Also they spell like inbred retarded immigrant children to which basic english is a 4th language
Gotta say, I like Dalton’s hair being fire now.
QBs as Disney characters. Starter: Dalton as Anger from Inside Out.
This offseasons shows just how desperate teams are for an NFL level QB. The jets and Fitz are dancing around now too. Hell, maybe the browns go to Fitz with a 100 mil+ and he takes it. And the jets are stuck with… Kap? Manziel?
You or Brett farve
In Brock’s defense, he only had less than half a season to develop a rapport with his receivers. In Bradford’s defense, the only group of WRs to drop more footballs this season were the Patriots backup squad. Cousins gives the Redskins continuity at QB, which is something they haven’t had in a while. Also, while not relevant to the comic, the Raiders are planning to call their offensive line Carr insurance.
As a charger fan that despises the raiders, That is the most brilliant name since the LOB.
I am wholly dedicated to making this a common name for the Raiders offensive line now.
You need to make a comic about a battle between Fort Elite Moneys vs Fort Not Even Close to Elite Moneys
Soooo everyone versus Brady?…
Meh. Borck’s contract is front loaded with only 2 years of guaranteed money. With ‘only” 7 mil more guaranteed then what Denver was offering. Its not a bad contract may get them out of QB hell. Hell its comparable to fing Stafford.
I’m still waiting for an appearance from Matt Ryan the accountant of Fort Elite Moneyz.
::Takes away Dave’s Red Lantern ring:: Stop spewing blood!
I like Osweiler, and I hope he works out in Houston. Still feel bad for them watching an MVP quarterback and a 10,000 yard rusher being drafted in ’95 and ’96, only to lose them to Tennessee, who went to the Superbowl just three years later. At least the 2000 Ravens only really had one player as a key contributor from the ’95 Browns, and he was the kicker. The ’99 Titans were built on stars drafted in Houston.
Quarterback contracts are weird to me. On the one hand, I don’t get how you can justify giving $72m to a guy whose career highlights include “Sat on the bench during the Superbowl” and “got yelled at by Peyton Manning for reading the defense wrong.” For that matter, I don’t get how you can justify giving someone $130m+ to play quarterback with some of these contracts. But to the first point, I remember that sanity doesn’t apply to economics, supply-and-demand does, and to the second point, I look to baseball and see athletes whose greatest risk in an average game is spraining an ankle running the bases being paid upwards of $200m and almost wonder why NFL players don’t make more given how much more they risk.
So, I’m obviously a Broncos fan. I am *SO* glad that Denver didn’t keep Boss Rockweiler. Especially not for that kind of money. He looked flat out bad more often than he looked even mediocre.
>tfw rodgers isn’t here
Whoops didn’t mean to reply
Anyway I can’t tell how he’ll turn out but all I can say is that he was definitely overpaid. Maybe these NFL organizations suddenly have a really bad case of influenza?
Yeah I’d be sitting pretty too if my starter now looked to be Mark Sanchez
Sanchez was a solid quarterback at USC and in his first 2 seasons went to the AFC Championship game. Rex Ryan is good with defense but offenses typically suck . He can work at times but the process leaves you saying what the hell. And when a team uses mostly gimmick plays out doesn’t last long. So then Sanchez gets sent to Philly to play for Chip Kelly in more gimmick plays and a ridiculous offense. Trading off top talent in questionable call after questionable call. Now he is in Denver with the duke and one of the league’s best quarterback gurus in Kubiak. Maybe he can have some normality.
I think Sanchez is about as good as Kirk. This is really his proving ground/redemption.
Honestly though, the Broncos would have saved themselves alot of headaches by just going after Fitz.
Sanchez is an adequate backup QB. He’s not starter material. He can win on the Broncos, but that’s if he keeps the turnovers down, and turnovers are his problem. They won the Super Bowl because Peyton came back in and played so conservatively with the ball to reduce turnovers, and let the defense win.
Mark Sanchez will look fine in a few games, but then he’ll be trash. He’s a stopgap at best.
“Sanchez was a solid quarterback at USC and in his first 2 seasons went to the AFC Championship game. ”
He may have been good in USC but did you even bother to look up his 2009 statline? He had a 12/20 TD to INT ratio. It might be solid in terms of Jets QB’s I guess but not in normal standards. He’s just lucky he had a good defense to keep him relevant until 2012. That 2009 team could have taken Geno to a goddamn AFC Championship for Christ’s sake. The Jets aren’t going to re-sign Fitz because we’re cheap bastards, and Geno will lead us to the promised land instead. God Bless America.
Oh, I’m not high on Sanchez; most rumors are that he was got to be part of a trade for Kaep– and I’d love Kaep in Kubiak’s system. It would minimize his weaknesses and accentuate his strengths.
As an AFC South rival fan I welcome the Texans’ decision to “let it ride” on an unproven QB. Don’t let anything get between you and your dreams. Reach for the stars. YOLO. You can’t take it with you. Live like you were dying. Salary cap, salary shmap.
Wish I could get paid $72M. 🙁