Alex Smith Beats The Patriots
Alex Smith finally made it to Mars…*sniff*
Okay first things first, anyone doomsaying the Patriots has a short memory and is an idiot. The Patriots will be fine. They always are. That’s what makes them so irritating. They don’t have bad seasons. We’re all so eager to see their demise that the few bad games they do have get tremendous over-reaction. You know, like the last time the Chiefs made them eat dirt. Remember that? Remember the week of stories about the death of the dynasty? They won two rings after that. The Patriots should be considered a lock for the AFCCG until proven otherwise. It won’t be long before Pats fans are back to their usual spoiled selves, looking for any chance to play the underdog card, because even after 2 decades of complete dominance they can’t just accept the villain role and still have to find some tenuous reason to claim NO RESPEK
But you know what? We got to watch the Pats eat shit in primetime on the opening game of the season. We got to see golden boy look like an old fart. We got to see Alex Goddamn Smith torch the Pats for their first home loss when leading in the 4th quarter in the Brady era. We got to see Alex Goddamn Smith drop not one, but TWO 75 yard deep TDs. We got to see Matt Patricia’s big deal defense get clowned on by a rookie who fumbled on his first carry en route to one of the biggest debut games ever. We got to watch a walrus out-coach the lord of darkness. We got to watch Marky “Bailed on the Super Bowl Early Like A Fairweather Bitch” Wahlberg give a big speech and then watched all the stunned silent Pats fans leave early just like him when it became clear the Pats actually had a chance of losing. (Side note: Mark Wahlberg claims he left early because his son was ill. The son who looks just fine in the video. I bet the dog ate his homework too. ). We got to see another chance at 19-0 go fluttering into the wind, right at the start, on the home turf. So good.
So while I am under no delusions that the Patriots are done, I will enjoy the schadenfreude for at least a couple of days until the Giants find some way to crap themselves Sunday night and my pessimism towards life resumes as normal. Enjoy these sweet moments, kids, we don’t get them very often.
I hope the Chiefs continue this feisty offense. This was a fun team to watch that night. Good job, Smith. Kudos, Hunt. Goo goo gajoob, Reid. Welcome back, football.
Note on the comments: I closed off the ones last comic because ironically, a comic about how football distracts us from things that make us sad and angry ended up devolving into only toxic arguments about what makes us sad and angry. I wasn’t happy to do it, but it seemed like the best course of action after things were clearly not going to get better. I fully admit my engaging didn’t help matters. If anyone tries to bring it back up and start more yapping, keep it to yourself or hatemail me like a normal internet person. I’ll just delete any more comment attempts to start a fight. Let’s keep the comments on topic and better than a typical youtube video, agreed?
Are you going to be doing your post game cartoons of the winning teams this year?
I’ll be making bets on social media for the primetime games, yes. But I won’t be doing it for the Sunday afternoon games, it would be too much work.
I must face it. The Alex To Mars arc couldn’t have found itself a better conclusion. I guess the only thing to wonder is how long it’ll take for him to return home? 🙂
Clear Bostonian, Matt Damon tie in here. I love it.
The sweetness of that upset was made all the sweeter coming right after all those festivities about how great the Patriots are
I know it’s not going to last, especially with the Jets and Bills in their division, but for a few glorious days, the only thing we know for sure about the 2017 season is that the Patriots got blown out.
That pregame show was absolutely ridiculous. Mark Wahlberg needs to die in a fire.
Interestingly, when I re watched the game on NFL Network today, they edited out all of the shots of the empty stadium toward the end of the 4th quarter.
His vibrations have gotten worse lately.
Crazy thing is, whoever wins the Bills-Jets game this week will take the AFCE division lead, even if it is just for a week. Just think of that….
All in favor of ending the season after week one?
I got to revel in my favorite team in the entire world’s victory for a whopping hour until it was basically assured the most important player on our defense would be out for the entire season.
Why are we not allowed nice things? Is there some god I must appease before we can ever see an AFCCG again?
For a brief moment, my weaker half wished to whoever would listen that we could go back and lose if it meant getting Berry back.
And then I remembered that I’m perfectly fine without everyone in town complaining that the rookie who threw what probably should’ve been about 8 interceptions this preseason wasn’t in the game, and that our two stars are divas and can’t control their emotions, and that Andy Reid’s too busy looking at a menu to worry about managing the game clock (he’s lost 75 pounds, it’s still funny to call him fat, right?) (you’re good though, Dave, I dunno how I’d go on if there were no Walrus Reid in my life).
Winning in the NFL really does solve everything, huh.
As long they’re not facing the Giants, I wouldn’t mind the Chiefs winning the SB, especially if it meant the finale to the Mars comic. They may have made it to Mars but what about Pluto, the other red planet…ish?
Remember when KC did this in 2014; what did it amount to?
I’ll believe NE sucks when they lose the fightin’ McCowns of Joys’y
Brady looked fine. His delivery was as fast as ever and his balls still had plenty of zip. He just couldn’t get on the same page as his receivers (miss Edelman yet), there were a lot of drops, the oline fell apart, and that’s without taking the Chiefs’ talent and game plan into consideration. No, Brady looked like Brady. When he starts looking like 2015 Peyton then we can start saying he looks old.
He did have Cooks, Hogan, Amendola, Gronk, and Dorsett
Amendola got injured, Gronk got shut down by Berry and Dorsett is a drop machine and also new to the offense. Cooks is also new but he seems to have established a good rapport with Brady already.
Cooks looked like the same player he was on the Saints. I figured he’d be better on the Pats because Brady has had a bigger arm than Brees (see 2007 w/ Randy Moss). I guess we’ll see when the pats play the rest of the AFC least.
Yeah about what happened in the last comments section, it could have been worse. A certain memorial thread for 9/11 in Giants forum was euthanized as a result.
Now with that said…check down!
Though to be fair, had this been a postseason game, the score would have been other way around. I mean when was the last time anyone can even trust the Chiefs to do anything in the playoffs without screwing up?
As a pats fan, that pregame, and much of the last few months have been unbearable. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: other patriots fans are the worst part of being a patriots fan. My friend groups are simultaneously shouting “season over. 6-10.” And “make 18-1 great again.” What the fuck.
I’m not gonna pretend I didn’t enjoy all the 28-3 jokes, or the historic comeback, but the whole mantra of Do Your Job went out the window with this years pats.
Side note: hey maybe tickets will get cheaper with the opening night loss. One can hope right?
Oh, and Dave, this is one of my favorite comics ever. I’ve loved the Alex smith to mars series. If he wins a SB, can we get another installment of ringless Rivers??
No, that only applies to members of the very special 2004 draft class.
Chiefs fan, obviously. The Mission to Mars series doesn’t have to end. If KC dies in the playoffs (again) before reaching/winning the SB, there’s always the Mars rovers, Spirit/Discovery IIRC, that kept operating, seemingly forever. Both had lifespans that far exceeded their initial missions.
This would especially apply if KC decides to retain Smith for the last year of his contract, but it could work if Mahomes takes over, as well. 2:15PM as mission leader, trying to bring a Lombardi back to KC, and needing to bring it back from Mars? Plenty of potential with that.
Dave, stupid question that I feel like I asked you, and don’t remember the answer. Did you ever get through 17776 yet?
AWESOME COMIC!
Alex Smith has been playing the long con against NFL defenses making them think he was the most average QB ever until this year. That’s my theory and I’m sticking to it.
LOST SEASON
Congratulations on being the first person in existence to draw a walrus in a spacesuit!
A WALRUS IN A SPACESUIT!
That Beatles reference made my day.
I’m happy the Pats fuckin’ lost. BUUUT I’m mad because I had the Pats defense in fantasy. AAAAHHH!!
I remember them going 1-15, that’s how they got the pick for Drew Bledsoe.
Their turn to suck ass WILL come again, I’m sure of it.
So, Alex Smith went deep. I wouldn’t call it unleashing the dragon. Unleashing the corn snake, maybe?
Unleashing the wyvern?
The Viper is better than the Wyvern
Happy Dreamcast/Sonic Adventure 1 day.
SA1>SA2
I like Walrus Andy chewing on Goat Brady. Maybe that could be a thing every time the Patriots lose…
Alex Smith finally has weapons and a coach that’ll let him go. The throws he made were not game manager throws. Making safe throws isn’t the same as making short throws. It’s going to be a big year for the Chiefs and for Alex Smith if Hill and Hunt are healthy
In the 4th quarter, sour that the first game of this season will match the final game of last with a Pats win, I wondered aloud “Do I have to watch Brady and company win, yet again? Can’t they just lose for once?” I was not expecting what happened next.
Looks like Dreamgoat had a nightmare.
Goat Brady is so adorably cute, heh.
So excited for the Tuesday comic might be, maybe Super Bort leading the Jags to victory or Andy Dalton’s 4 “gifts” for the Ravens….
I’m guessing that, since Dave’s a Giants fan, it’s going to be Eli’s new magic trick, the Marvelous Missing Marshall.
Seriously, though, why did they shell out that money for him if Eli’s going to try to throw to everybody BUT him…
Hopefully they’ll bounce back next week but yeah, there had been some grumblings when that signing was made.
This is a deeply satisfying comic.
Just want to throw that out there, when Reid came out of the spacecraft, I thought those are wings and he was flying.
The sound effect should have been Ka-hunt
The sound of the door opening should have been ka-hunt