The Draw Play

I’ve mentioned this before (somewhere in the archive, god knows where), but if you somehow don’t know, Cam Newton types Instagram posts like he’s an alien. He must be getting tired of the people criticizing him for it, because he’s changed his bio to literally be ĪM ÑØT ČHÅÑGĪÑG TH£ ₩ÅŸ Ī TŸ₽£; gêt ōvêr ît❕ÿōū pōšt ÿōūr wâÿ; Ī ₽اT MĪÑ£…

Here is Cam explaining why he types like an alien. It’s hilariously pretentious and laughable. It comes across like those immature teenagers who think they are deep and original and special and go out of their way to be “different” because purposefully acting weird is an easy replacement for having an actual personality. Honestly we’ve all had that phase, I know I did. It’s just that most of us grow out of it. Apparently some of us don’t and become MVP quarterbacks who type funny and dress weird to force quirkiness. He claims he does it to get your attention when you see it on his social media. He wants to stand out and get you to look. I think it does the opposite. I don’t give Cam’s posts any credit because he straight up seems to think that being “deep” means arbitrary difficulty. It’s the typing equivalent to trying to read a note from someone with horrible handwriting. He’s not saying anything special in text, the prose is bog-standard inspirational crap. It’s not deep. If it was deep he wouldn’t have to go on the defensive about it in his bio because nobody would be telling him to stop. He’s getting so much crap for it because it is transparently forced and people can easily see through it. Cam’s a naturally fun dude, he doesn’t need to do the weird typing to build his brand. Use your natural charisma!

Cam, if you read this (you won’t, but I try), if you want people to take you seriously and listen to what you have to say, I don’t think the answer is to write the same thing weirder. It’s to write better.

Also when it comes to Instagram the captions are practically worthless, the picture and an irritating amount of hashtags is the key to good insta content. Nobody is going to follow Cam because he types weird. They are going to follow him because he’s Cam Fucking Newton, MVP quarterback and football icon. He’d get the same level of attention if he typed like JJ Watt, human HOA meeting. He’s saying the same boring nothings, just with more pointless umlauts.

Petty criticisms of Cam’s forced weirdness out of the way, this was a big moment! Cam’s been the face of the Panthers for 8 seasons and was an incredible talent for most of them. He’s been hampered the past two years with unfortunate injuries and the total overhaul of the staff kind of signified the end months ago but it is still sad seeing him go. The Panthers have been around for a fairly short time, the only player who might be a better representation of the franchise is Steve Smith. Cam was the Panthers. I’m not looking forward to seeing him in different colors.

There’s also the concerns over if he can still play. Honestly only Cam really knows for sure right now. His past two seasons felt like his bruising style was coming home to roost but they might also just be bad luck and maybe he’s okay. Nobody can really work him out thanks to COVID-19 so his medical concerns are going to stick around until he plays again and I think the concerns must be pretty high if the Panthers couldn’t get any trade offers. Not even a low level pick. They had to straight up release him and take the dead money hit. What a fall.

I think if he can pull a McNabb post-injury and learn better pocket presence while running less, Cam has plenty left to give. His shoulder is absolutely a concern as last year he had no zip on his throws and it was very apparent. If his arm healed and he can cut down on contact, Cam is fine. I don’t actually think the Pats are a good fit for him, they need better weapons and protection first. The Chargers might be a good spot. Sign Cam, draft Herbert and let Herbert sit? I could see it. The Bears already committed to Nick Foles because the Bears are dumb (more on that later this week!) and to be honest, I’m not sure where else he could go. The Bengals are going to go with Burrow. The Dolphins are presumably in on Tua with Fitzpatrick being the stopgap. The Texans? I still haven’t ruled out BoB trading Watson for horseshit reasons yet. The Jags? Eh? I hope Cam is willing to be a backup because his starting options feel limited.

Stay safe friends! For those of you who are craving the Tannehill rebirth money comic – please be patient, those take time to plan out. It will come.