The Draw Play

YEAR END WRAP UP TIME!
This was a fun year! For picks (regular season only obviously), I went 163-107-2. Not bad! I’ve batted around a 61% sucess rate all 3 seasons, so if you ever need to place a bet, I’m slightly better than average. This year though was probably the most scattered I’ve had. Unlike previous seasons, I didn’t have an explicit nemesis like I usually do. My worst streak was a 8-game miss streak for the Raiders, but the second worst I did was the Dolphins, with a 5 game loss streak, and only 4 teams had as much as a 4 game loss streak. The team I had the most confidence in was the Eagles, who I never picked to lose. The team I had the least confidence in was the Texans, who I only called to win in week 18, and got that right! I got only 3 games wrong for both teams, both being my best picks, and I’ll say the Texans were my best choice since one of those losses was a tie, which is basically impossible to predict. But I also only got 3 Patriots picks wrong, so I was shockingly good at them for some reason. Maybe all those years of Patriots hating have given me a weird sense for them. My best win streak was 9 in a row for Houston. My best week (week 8), I went 12-3. My worst week (week 6), I went 5-9.

As far as the pics go, this was probably the most fun I’ve had out of the past 3 seasons. The themed weeks kept things from getting too stale and helped make give a little life to the more boring teams that aren’t fun to draw. I also think that at this point, the ancient DP meme Sexy Rexy has been reborn, in two forms. Joe Burrow got the badass part, and Trevor Lawrence got the Sexy Part. Which drawings this season were your favorites?

So with the wrap-up out of the way, let’s do this. THE FIRST-EVER DRAW PLAY CHAOS AWARDS!

Most Chaotic Team
Nominees: Vikings, Giants, Jaguars, Lions, Seahawks, Ravens
This was a pretty great year for chaos overall, and to be honest, in a weaker year, any of these teams could claim the crown. The Giants were a bottom-feeder roster just starting a rebuild that kept bullshitting their way into wins from week 1 on. The Jaguars were the same, coming back from a weak start to the season to go on a tear and win the division and a playoff game. The Ravens were the most chaotic 4th quarter team in football this season, as even double-digit leads could not be trusted. The Lions found themselves halfway through, Jaguars style, but couldn’t quite close the gap. The Seahawks were another bottom-feeder roster with no expectations that found itself in the playoffs due to a QB who everyone wrote off years ago. But there’s only one team this year that despite all of it, still stood alone on a precipice of absolute nonsense. The Vikings were a 13-3 team with a negative point differential. They won 11 one-score games, the only team to ever do so. You could put half of their season in the category of nominees for the most chaotic game. Kirk Cousins wore chains without a shirt and we found out the man was shredded. I’ve never seen a team like this before. The pure embodiment of chaos, the Vikings are the easy winners.
Winner – The Minnesota Vikings

 

Most Chaotic Play
Nominees: Bills goalline fumble, Poo Your Job, Cincy Runback, Lovie Smith Goes For It
This is a hard category to narrow down. Chaos happens in every game and sometimes plays are just wild fun. But to win this category, the play has to have a lasting impact on our memories. This can’t be a silly fumble or INT return. This has to be the kind of thing that sticks in our memories and affects the team’s entire trajectory. The Bills goalline fumble against the Vikings might have been the biggest jump scare of the year, a play the likes of which feel like prayers being answered, but it didn’t win the game for the Vikings or lose it for the Bills. The Cincy runback was probably the single most chaotic play of the entire playoffs, taking the Ravens from possible winners to absolute losers with the worst QB sneak of the year. Joe Judge would be proud. Lovie Smith, after a season of conservative play, suddenly decided to grow a pair of balls and play for the win at the end of the season. It worked, and the Texans lost the #1 pick, possibly damning their future. But this was another category with a clear frontrunner. The Jakobi Meyers lateral to Chandler Jones was the kind of epic blunder that ends up on top ten lists for the rest of time. It lost the game, possibly helped the Patriots miss the playoffs, and to this day we are still laughing about it. It hasn’t solidified on a name yet, and while I love Poo Your Job, the best I’ve seen that’s actually caught on to some degree was Lateral Damage. It belongs in the Louvre.
Winner – Poo Your Job/Lateral Damage/Hail Moron

 

Most Chaotic Player
Nominees: Baker Mayfield, Justin Fields, Bailey Zappe, Brock Purdy, Russell Wilson, Brett Maher
This gave commenters a lot of trouble and was probably the hardest decision I made. Baker Mayfield stunk in Carolina, found his way to Los Angeles, and within two days of landing won an epic comeback. Bailey Zappe came in replacing Mac Jones and for a couple weeks actually fooled us into thinking he was Mac Jones with a few software updates. Brock Purdy was Mr Irrelevant and did not lose a single game until an unfortunate elbow injury took him out and now the 49ers are in a QB pickle. Russ was supposed to be good and instead tanked his entire reputation! Brett Maher gave us one of the greatest chaotic performances of all time, shanking 4 extra points in a row, but sadly it happened in a game where his failures never mattered. So what could I use to determine this winner? I wasn’t looking for a single standout game performance like Maher, or someone who was simply a surprise but generally just standard like Purdy. Chaos in a player means that player is unpredictable and wild and stays that way for most of a season. A real wildcard of a guy. A year ago I would have given it to Deebo Samuel. This year, I settled on Justin Fields. The Bears were absolute garbage this season, but thanks to Fields, they were never that unwatchable. Fields was a mess this year. He could rip off one of the greatest runs you’d ever see one play, throw an absolute dime the next, then throw the worst pass you’ll ever wince at for a pick 6. The entire fanbase is staunchly divided on Fields right now. Is he good? Is he trash? He was both. Every day, all day. Watching Justin Fields was awe-inspiring in every way imaginable.
Winner – Justin Fields

 

Most Chaotic Front Office Decision
Nominees: Broncos hiring Hackett to lure Rodgers, Titans Trading AJ Brown
I made this entire category for the sole purpose of giving this award to Jim Irsay hiring Saturday, in what might straight up be the single most chaotic event of the entire season. We know why this was stupid. An unpredictable owner well known for chaotic actions made one of the dumbest hires of all time by picking a former player who had no experience and who he happened to be good friends with to steer the ship as interim and tried to genuinely sell us that this wasn’t a joke. But while this pick is obvious, I did want to give a shout-out to the Broncos for transparently trying to lure Aaron Rodgers by hiring his well-known buddy, a move that turned into one of the worst head coaching hires in history. Special mention must also be paid to the Titans, who gave up one of the best WRs in the NFL because they couldn’t figure out the cap. Brown helped turn the Eagles into Super Bowl contenders and the Titans melted down.
Winner – Hiring Jeff Saturday

 

Most Chaotic Coach
Josh McDaniels, Brandon Staley, Mike McCarthy, Brian Daboll, Jeff Saturday, Hackett
Probably the second toughest category to pick, there was no clear frontrunner. Josh McDaniels, despite a stacked roster, remained the Josh McDaniels we knew and laughed at, helping the Raiders stumble about all year and driving Derek Carr to leave. Brandon Staley is a sleeper choice here, making baffling game-time decisions all year, such as his choice to go for it on 4th in his own territory against the Browns, a choice which almost cost them the game. He started the starters in a meaningless week 18 game, losing Mike Williams for the playoffs. He sat there with a dumb look on his face as the Jaguars mounted a massive comeback in the playoffs to send him into hell. Brian Daboll used the chaos to win games, calling weird offenses for the Giants and taking bold choices. Saturday was a wild hire, and won his first game, but past that he was as bad as we predicted. Nate Hackett was an absolute mess, so bad at managing clock and game that he had to make emergency hires to help him fix it, and he still didn’t fix it. But I think a lot of us slept on Fat Mike. The Cowboys were coming off a loss to the 49ers last year which they called the dumbest final play I’ve seen in ages. In week 1, the Cowboys got so thoroughly trounced by the Bucs that we all wrote them off. In place of the injured Dak Prescott, the COOPER RUSH Cowboys won 4 games in a row. When Dak came back the team stayed effective but also continued a chaotic turn, losing the mid-season woeful Packers, destroying the Vikings and Colts, but almost losing to the Texans and actually losing to the Jaguars. Then they beat the Eagles. They came into the playoffs a strong 5 seed, taking on the Bucs that so completely embarrassed them, and destroyed them, ending Tom Brady’s career. During the game he kept sending Maher out to kick despite the obvious yips. His success would come to a halt in San Francisco with a cowardly punt and an end-game call so bad it rivaled his previous final call. He then fired Kellen Moore as OC and replaced him with…*laughs* Brian Schottenheimer. McCarthy is a dunce and the Cowboys will compete and fail as long as he’s there.
Winner – Mike McCarthy

 

Most Chaotic Game
Nominees: Bills/Vikings, Giants/Wash Tie, Chargers/Jaguars Wildcard, Jets/Browns, Colts/Texans tie, Colts/Broncos Thursday Night, Vikings/Colts
Ties are automatically chaos generators and the Giants/Commies tie was no exception. It effectively gave the Giants playoff control. Colts/Texans was week 1 before we knew how bad things could really get. Colts/Broncos on Thursday night was one of the worst games you’ll ever see, going to overtime because nobody could score a single TD and making us delirious. The Jets/Browns game wasn’t notable until the final 2 minutes when Joe Flacco and the Jets scored twice to suddenly turn an easy Browns win into a classic Browns loss. Bills/Vikings was an incredible game, featuring two of the most memorable plays of the entire year, both going in the Vikings favor. The Jaguars and Chargers wildcard game was the best game of the playoffs, giving us high drama as we watched the second-greatest comeback of the season. But it was second place for a reason. Vikings/Colts was immediately legend. The Colts jumping out to a huge lead was chaotic in itself, as this was the Jeff Saturday squad, toasting a playoff contender. Then Kirk led the biggest comeback in NFL history and we could not stop laughing. I spent the entire second half unable to believe what I was seeing. Poor Matt Ryan.
Winner – Vikings/Colts

 

Least Chaotic Team That Sucked And Wasn’t Fun To Watch
Nominees: Saints, Panthers, Bucs, Falcons, Cardinals, Rams
I can’t think of a team I had less fun watching this year than the New Orleans Saints. They weren’t fun-bad, or amusingly mediocre. The Panthers were arguably worse, but they fired Rhule and got a little more fun. The Rams were injured to hell, but gave us the Baker game. The Cardinals gave us a few entertaining games during a season-long meltdown. The Bucs became unwatchable even with the GOAT, and yet the Goat still engineered a classic comeback against who else, but this fucking Saints team. The Saints’ most notable game this year was beating Gardner Minshew on an Eagles off day. This is the most forgettable season of Saints football since pre-Brees. Just a total slog.
Winner – The New Orleans Saints

BAD CHAOS
Nominees: Damar Hamlin, Dan Snyder’s hearings, DeShaun Watson, Dolphins handling of Tua, Roughing the Passer calls
I didn’t want to make a graphic for this, because this isn’t the fun award, but is still something I think deserves to be noted. Seasons are not always defined excluseively by fun happy times or silly losses. Real, genuine issues creep in, and take things in a worse direction. DeShaun Watson’s entire saga was a black eye on the league this year, from the sickening bidding war, the drama over his suspension, and even discussing him in the first place. Dan Snyder spent the entire season dodging congress and buyring the reports of his misdeeds, and might finally be forced to sell, for billions of dollars he does not deserve after being a piece of shit for decades. The Dolphins (and league’s) poor handling of the Tua concussion problem probably damaged the Dolphins future, and Tua himself might have to retire early at this rate. On a lesser scale, the roughing the passer problem has gotten worse, with multiple games having terrible calls at inopportune moments, making everyone mad. Ref Chaos is bad chaos. But nothing this year shook us as much as Damar Hamlin did. We almost watched a player die on the field. It caused a massive series of complications to the playoffs. It generated bonkers conspiracy theories among the brain poisoned. Dan Snyder isn’t new. The league covering for sexual predators isn’t new. The league burying concussions isn’t new. Damar Hamlin was new, and an ever stark reminder of the violence we consider as our entertainment, even if what happened to him was a freak occurance.
Winner (?) – Damar Hamlin

Thing from 2022 I don’t want to see anymore: The Griddy. Everyone Griddy’d after every touchdown all year. I’m Griddy’d out. Please find a new dance I’m begging you.