DIVISIONAL WEEK CARTOON BETS – The Bills Were The Biggest Frauds Of All
Divisional Chaos? Barely.
Last year the divisional round was one of the best weekends of football I’d ever seen in my life, from the Bengals knocking out the #1 seeded Titans, the 49ers sending Rodgers home with a blocked punt in frigid Lambeau, Brady going full Brady against the Rams only to get Kupped, ending with the 13 second masterpiece game between Buffalo and Kansas City. This year had a lot to live up to. Hell, last week was pretty great, could it even live up to last week?
No.
This weekend sucked. We had to wait for the 4th game to even witness a lead change. In fact, I’m almost thankful to the 49ers and Cowboys for giving us at least a taste of chaos to send the week out on a note that wasn’t pathetic. Again, let’s start with the least chaos and move to “most”.
GIANTS @ EAGLES
This was just an old-fashioned ass-whooping. The Giants were completely outmatched. I didn’t have much hope for this game and I was still surprised to see how hard they got their shit kicked in. Eagles looked like an unstoppable force and should be the favorites in the championship, if not the whole thing.
BENGALS @ BILLS
I felt like the Bengals were going to win this but I didn’t think it would be so easy. The Bengals went into a snow-covered Buffalo stadium and imposed their will on the Bills. The Bills were early favorites to win it all this season and frankly, they never played like it. Not quite. These Bills felt off. Looking back on the season, this squad was underachieving from the get-go. Maybe that’s a weird critique about a 14-win team, but didn’t they seem sloppy? Looking back at their schedule, they have a few notable wins, and far more that are less impressive in hindsight. The opening game against the Rams? The Rams ended up being pathetic. The Titans? Flawed squad that couldn’t put it together long enough to even win a bad division. They lost to the Vikings (to chaos), the Dolphins, and the Jets. The win over the Chiefs was the best all year, and the rest were mostly against weaker squads or teams that at the time were playing their worst football, like Pittsburgh in week 5. I think they were going to lose the Hamlin game too. They got gifted the benefit of the doubt from that unprecedented event and the Bengals came in angry. But we should have known the Bills were boned when they struggled to truly put away the Patriots and then almost lost the wildcard to Skylar Thompson and the Delay of Gamephins. Dare I say it, maybe Josh Allen needed Brian Daboll. He took a step back. This team goes into the offseason dejected after a good season that feels anything but.
JAGUARS @ CHIEFS
This game probably would have been a bigger blowout if Mahomes hadn’t gotten hurt, which briefly made things interesting. Mahomes was definitely not quite himself after that, but the Chiefs ran the whole field with Chad Henne and kept the Jaguars from ever getting too close. The Jags missed a number of opportunities to get back into it and definitely left some plays on the field, but the Jaguars were also playing with house money and also still have a ways to go. They acquitted themselves with dignity. Now the big question is how much Mahomes is hurt.
COWBOYS @ 49ERS
I wouldn’t say this was a good game, but unlike every other game, it at least was interesting till the end. It was also a great defensive showcase if you are into that. Once again Mike McCarthy saved the day with absolutely wonderful game management. Both QBs looked bad, Brett Maher missed another extra point (it was blocked, but many have noted the kick looked bad from the start anyway), and George Kittle had the best play of the weekend with his triple bobble catch over the middle of the field. The 49ers are so loaded they might genuinely go to the super bowl with a rookie Mr. Irrelevant starting at QB. I’m so interested in what happens to Trey Lance now. On yeah, I guess this is CHAOS OF THE WEEK
GIANTS CORNER:
Well, that’s the wall. Giants’ roster was bereft of talent and it can only work so far and some perspective was needed. An overachieving scrapper rarely has the ability to overcome a bucket of talent on a win-now team going for it all. Every weakness was exposed. The Giants still have a lot of work to do if they want to compete at this level. I’m almost thankful we got sent to the shadow realm, the online Giants fanbase as a whole has gotten extremely Daniel Jones pilled and I am baffled by it. I’m happy with him this year but he’s not the answer yet. The only difference is that now I think he still could be, maybe. In for an interesting offseason for sure. Hard to be too sad with the end, we never should have made it this far to begin with. The most enjoyable season we’ve had since 2011.
MOST UNWATCHABLE GAME OF THE WEEK: I mean unless you were an Eagles fan, or just rooting against the Giants, that game was over on the second drive of the game. Basically a waste of time after that. Giants are also the Disappointment Duck. Not a lot of options at this point.
PICS!
Only 3 games left!
49ERS @ EAGLES
Honestly as a true neutral, stepping back from bias as much as possible perspective, this game is a fantastic matchup. Two best teams in the conference by far, and seeing how the creative and loaded Eagles deal with a level of defense they have yet to face is going to be quite a sight. The 49ers are no slouches and Purdy managed to hold off versus the Cowboys excellent defense, but he’s gonna have to do better than that to keep this going. This is a dream matchup for quality football. Watch the game be an unwatchable slog, because that’s how things always go.
If the 49ers win, I will draw Brock Purdy as a goofy unstoppable runaway train
If the Eagles win, I will draw Jalen Hurts as Sam The Eagle snapping the Golden Gate Bridge in half
BENGALS @ CHIEFS
Bengals saw the league make a neutral site, saw the ticket sales, and told everyone to eat shit. The Bengals felt like obvious regression candidates after last year and yet here they are, yet again. This team is for real. I love them. They are probably my preferred champion of the remaining 4 teams. The Chiefs, well, now they get to play the game at home, so that’s nice for them. Unfortunately for them, they now face the one team they cannot seem to beat, and Mahomes may not be 100%. Should be fun!
If the Bengals win, I will draw Ja’marr Chase as the Count from Sesame Street, counting to the number 4, which is how many times the Chiefs have lost to them
If the Chiefs win, I will draw Walrus Andy Reid eating an entire Skyline Chili restaurant
As much as I agree that the BK commercials unanimously take the crown for most annoying ad campaign of the season, the Verizon Einstein commercial is pissing me off. Mainly because of how frequent it’s been playing and how recognizable it is.
Imagine a mathematical genius not being able to figure out how much Verizon is screwing them.
Also, go Bengals
Also why Paul Giammatti?
Seems so cringe after all the quality films Giamatti has done. Also the Verizon chick acts way hotter than she is, the AT&T chick is better.
I find the the Google pixel ads of “eliminating annoying distractions” where they edit out people to be a bit final solutionesque. Also that Apple ad with the mom running along with her kid in the race makes her look rude af.
Ah, the AFC East. Guess we all went full fraud eventually, huh.
Yeah, but only one of us was projected to win the Super Bowl, hahaha!
No one really expected a razorless cake, did they?
BROCK FUCKING PURDY BITCH LETS GOOOOOOO (PS I Don’t care if they get 6 super bowls each one of them was earned)
Cincinnati’s playing like a team that’s battle-tested and feeling disrespected, and rightfully so considering how far the NFL went to basically screw them over. If any game needed to be a neutral site game, it was that one, considering Cincy basically got robbed of a shot at the 2 seed (had that MNF game played on, they probably would have rolled to a big win). Didn’t even matter yesterday as it turns out.
Rooting for the Bengals just to see that comic.
Honestly most of the chaos being totally dead now ironically makes things more enjoyable for me, especially when I can actually enjoy the last three games of this year unlike last time. Plus Dallas failed yet again, which is always a good thing.
On a side note, the sheer contrast in my enjoyment of this year’s divisional to last year’s is huge. Last year’s fun antics got totally ruined for me cause the rams moved on. This year’s divisional made my weekend because while objectively barely anything interesting happened at all, watching the cowboys narrative survive another year had me pop off harder than anything else this year.
I wouldn’t say Purdy played bad. The Cowboys defense is as good as the 49ers defense so the fact that Purdy played mistake-free football is a positive.
This is probably the closest he’s looked like a actually rookie this year, though it’ll probably happen yet again against the eagles. No picks is a good positive though, and that’s why the bay’s been winning.
Hahaha! With 6 seconds on the clock and 70+ yards to go, the Cowboys put all their faith in Zeke’s blocking and Dak’s arm and it failed SPECTACULARLY! What was that?! Man, all those Yankees fans are gonna be pissed!
I’m surprised Dave isn’t more convinced for Daniel Jones after the season he had throwing the practice squad receivers while being protected by Andrew Thomas and 4 backups. I’m really looking forward to the next two years as we’ll have cap space and the 2nd Joe Schoen draft.
I’m most curious about Evan Neal, the Giants rookie 1st round pick right tackle. He got a little better over the year, but still not as good as you’d expect from a 7th overall pick. Hopefully after a full NFL offseason and more time to adjust to being on the right side he’ll show much more improvement.
Was just gonna post the same thing. Jones had 5 picks all year, ranked 7th in qbr. Did he throw for many yards? No, but he looks competent and as long as you have at least that (With some rushing upside! 700+ yards!), I think he’s a good “answer” tbh.
I expect Neal will improve, but I think if people are expecting an repeat of the massive strides Andrew Thomas made at the other end of the line they’ll be disappointed.
I don’t mind how bad Saturday turned out in that it’s a needed reminder of how many holes remain (Center, a WR 1, Corners, probably Right Guard, some help for Dexter Lawrence up front, possibly a Punter).
And yeah baring an absurd ask by Jones, I don’t see how anyone can want to move on from him after this year.
Here is why Dave (and you) should be hesitant about Daniel Jones:
Cmp: 317 Att: 472 YDS: 3205, TDs: 15 INTs: 5
15 TDs in 17 games is pretty bad, honestly. That’s like a really, REALLY poor man’s Alex Smith at that point.
He’s a game manager (and not even on Alex Smith’s level even) at best. This is with good coaching (Dabol should be COTY in my opinion. They had ZERO talent and made the playoffs).
All of that “Divisionals are the best week in football!” talk last week really looks bad in hindsight. Pretty much a waste of a weekend for me until the Cowboys were entertainingly bad. I actually felt sorry for Zeke on that last play.
You should’ve drawn Dan with the pickaxe through his head like you originally said. He was supremely the reason that they lost that game.
*Dak
Although, no. Draw Dan. Dan, whoever he is, deserves the pickaxehead.
Did you draw Buffalo as a garbage plate? So fitting.
Aren’t Garbage Plates more of a Rochester thing? Granted that’s still very much in Bills Country.
My sister-in-law’s ex-husband was from Rochester, and he never ever ever ever ever ever shut up about them. And yea, they are firmly in Bills territory, so it still works, but yea, he could have opted for a more decidedly Buffalo “thing” to go with.
It’s a fucking Skyline Chili plate you rubes
I’m going to take your rage as an indication that you know, deep down, this is all your fault. Your food-depicting skills need boosting.
1. If you google “Skyline Chili,” 99.9999% of the images feature CHEESE as the top ingredient, not some random red sauce/raw meat concoction. If you google “Garbage Plate,” those look much closer to what you’ve drawn.
2. If they’re nuking Buffalo, WTF is a plate of Skyline Chili doing down there? That doesn’t make any sense. The only way that would make any sense would be if it were a nuclear explosion shaped like Skyline Chili, but in its current form, that’s not even remotely how it reads.
You two here in the comments, from what I can tell, are literally the only people who didn’t recognize the dish for what it was, so I think it reads just fine actually. Plently of people on other places I posted it recognized it just fine. It also says SKYLINE on the satellite, so…context clues?
Skyline’s main dish is orange cheddar cheese, on top of brown meat sauce, on top of yellow pasta. Sometimes with some crackers on it, they give you crackers with the meal. Garbage plates can look like pretty much anything, which is part of their charm. I’ve eaten a ton of garbage plates from my college days in Rochester, they never looked the same way twice, because the entire gimmick was it was just a mishmash of random foods thrown together on a plate. Most of the google images don’t even look that consistent with each other. I might have toned down the orange saturation on the cheese, but I used the Bengals orange.
Also I have to question your eyeballs if you think anything you googled on Garbage plates looks closer to what I drew than this
Which is on the first page of google images for skyline, and the specific image I used as quick visual reference besides my memory.
It’s a Skyline Chili explosion on buffalo because Skyline is a Cincinatti thing and the Bengals won?
Let’s put aside the can’t-hold-water defense that since nobody else actively complained, it MUST mean they presumably all immediately understood it was Skyline Chili. I think I can see where you erred. It was making the cheddar cheese Bengals orange. Cheddar cheese NEVER looks like that, and because you’re dealing with a food item – and an uncommon and not easily recognized one at that – you need to be make sure it can be read EASILY. A green hot dog reads as long as it’s clearly identifiable as a hot dog shape. It’s a poor artist that blames their audience for misinterpreting their work, especially when they left a lot of leeway in how to interpret it. I could also just say the author is dead and your explanation sucks. Ergo it’s a f-ing garbage plate. XD
For the future, though, instead of getting all defensive and attacking people over subjective opinions about drawings, all you need to do is work on losing the thin skin, dump the pejoratives, and show just a HINT of empathy. Instead of swearing, calling us rubes, and questioning our eyeballs, all you needed was a simple: “Huh, I didn’t see it that way, but now you mention it, I DID use a color that no known variety of cheddar cheese in the known universe will match. Maybe that’s what caused some confusion for you guys.”
I think that’s skyline chili, the Cincy thing
Been calling Buffalo as frauds since the start of the season. Feel massively vindicated even though no one cares.
I care,
But im also a Fins fan that has spent my entire life saying “Sure the P*ts walk all over us, but at least we’re not as bad as Buffalo or the Jets.”
You’ll always have the JEST.
I wouldn’t say I considered them frauds, but I found it extremely weird that people considered them to be so much better than Cincinnati. I know point spreads are mostly BS but 5.5 point underdogs? And didn’t it go up to 6 points by kickoff?
Buffalo could very well end up being like the mid-2000s Chargers of the modern AFC. Always good, sometimes great, but never good enough to beat the elite teams of their conference. If Mahomes ain’t the one sending them packing, it’s Joe Burrow.
The Jags looked good actually. They need some kore weapons for Lawrence but if they get a true wr#1 and a top tight end…watch out.