The Indianapolis Dolts
First up: yes. I know they fired Joe Judge. No, Friday’s comic will not be about Joe Judge. Maybe next week if the wildcard games don’t have any drama. This is a bad time of year because a million things are happening at once and any comic I make will be outdated in 24 hours. I might get to the coach firings post-super bowl. If you need my thoughts on the matter, the TL:DR is that I am happy. I’d rather the team clean house and start fresh across the board than stick a new GM with Judge as a dead man walking and hope he improves far past what he’s shown so far.
For all the stuff that happened in week 18, the Colts absolutely shitting the bed against the Jaguars was probably the funniest. The Colts had it all and lost it all. They entered the final week in a win-and-in game against the team that will literally be picking first overall in the draft. A team that was so dreadful the fanbase has begun wearing clown makeup to cyberbully the owner into firing the GM. The Colts not only lost to this team, they got soundly demolished. It was pathetic.
And most of it came because of the very guy they hinged their future on. The Colts have been in QB limbo since Luck died. Jacoby Biscuits will never be more than a backup. They rented old man Rivers for a season and lost in the wildcard. The Colts have a good team, but the most important position was vacant. It honestly made some sense to flip some picks for a former MVP candidate who had his best season under the tutelage of the current Colts HC. Wentz wanted out of Philly, he’s still young, he still has the potential. Maybe Reich and the Colts could turn him around. Turns out…nope!
2017 has proven the anomaly for Wentz. He can make elite throws but outside Daniel Jones, there isn’t another QB in the league you can count on getting one laughable turnover per game. Wentz had probably the funniest turnover I saw all year against the 49ers. When that happened, I let out such a snort my sinus cavity rearranged. Wentz is Wentz. I don’t think he will elevate himself beyond being Carson Wentz. The Colts surged this year. They started weak but they put it together and they surged. I thought they were legitimately good. Wentz played long enough to bump the cost of the trade to a first-rounder, and then completely fell apart the instant it mattered.
Now the Dolts have no first-round pick. They don’t have any playoff games to look forward to. They have a big fat contract tied to the very guy who stuck them in that position. If Wentz had made the playoffs this might have been worth the cost. If Wentz didn’t cost so much it would be a passable mistake. This result is what happens when you gamble and you lose. One of the slower burn- self owns of the year, but a delightful one.
On Friday: the Chaos Bandwagon Guide
You say pathetic, I say hilarious. One of the few highlights of my seasons
True True, but now we have steelers (Most boring team on earth) in the playoffs.
That’s either Brandon Staley’s or Josh Jacob’s fault depending on how you want to look at it
The fact that even us Texans fans can reasonably ask “How do you lose to the Jaguars?!” is absolutely amazing.
even better is how do they do it EVERY YEAR. They haven’t won in Jacksonville since 2014
Highlight of my season too. As someone trapped in Colts country for almost a decade, hearing about how great their running game was during the 2.3 yards a carry Frank Gore years, from fans who gleefully self-reported that they didn’t watch ANY football during the years that Peyton or Andrew Luck missed while injured… it doesn’t get any better for me than when the Colts melt down. Especially when it’s their own doing.
You say Jacoby Biscuits, I say Jacoby Brisket. And every.time someone brings his name up I get hungry.
Team Brisket reppin’, but I also mispronounce his first name.
If anyone’s behind the Dolphins’ monster losing streak this season, it’s him (along with their feta-cheese O-line). I mean, how very dare Tua get his ribs cracked two games in leaving us with a backup who’s as much use as a chocolate blowtorch.
Never mind Marino, I miss Matt Moore.
Brisket’s lack of pocket awareness and his tendency to hold the ball for too long was the worst possible combination with the Dolphins’ line of traffic cones. I can’t believe Flores thought he could play him over Tua against the Ravens
We all miss Matt Moore. It was a coin flip whether or not he would come up clutch, but when he did it was beautiful.
Definitely Jacoby Brisket.
FAT HUUUUUUUUUUUUMPS
There’s a theory in some parts of the Philly fandom that had Wentz stayed healthy in 2017, the Eagles would have never won the SuperBowl.
I used to think that was ridiculous, but after this past year, I’m coming around on the idea. Nick Foles and the offense had to the play *PERFECT* in that game (since the defense certainly wasn’t helping), and quite frankly, I don’t know that Wentz would have been able to pull that off.
Which do you think was the bigger QB reclamation project gamble this year, Wentz with the Colts or Darnold with the Panthers?
Viewed in a vacuum of just this season Darnold was still the bigger gamble since there was more to go on with Wentz reuniting with Reich, there was more consistency/reliable parts around him on the Colts and up until Sunday’s laugher it seemed like they were going to pull it off and maybe even have gotten past the Bengals this weekend. But long term they are truly screwed. The Panthers at least seemed to recognize who they are and where they were by the end of October.
Darnold was the bigger gamble. Wentz had proven he could play before and the Colts stood a chance. The Panthers took Darnold on, gave him a bunch of money for some reason, and he never proved he could play.
I don’t know about that. Gambling on Darnold is a gamble against Gase. That’s not a bad gamble. The main issue is that the Panthers still have a chance to get an upgrade from Darnold this offseason, while I don’t see the possibility for the Colts until the next one. The flip side of that is that the Colts didn’t have a chance on Fields or Jones, and the Panthers punted on them for Darnold. Ultimately it’s probably still Darnold because of the opportunity cost but the Wentz trade put the Colts in a worse spot on failure
Neither team has many options this offseason. It’s not a good draft for QBs and free agency QBs are usually backup journeymen not worthy of a start. Wentz is and was passable as a starter, Darnold never was, and the Panthers basically decided to bet that it was entirely on the Jets. They both paid too much money and will likely both move on.
You might say their playoff hopes “came and Wentz”
…I’ll show myself out
Checked and kek’d.
The 1st round pick just about covers the huge gaping hole in our Cap Space that’s gonna be there a few years.
It was a good season (Hilarious Colts Fail, Wildcard Weekend, 1st Round pick) but then the Giants fired Joe Judge, who I really hoped was staying (not because I feel its 2 wins a season, Divisional games are weird, but because it guaranteed we wouldnt finish last in the division as long as he was HC).
How much do you think the Eagles will take for Minshew? Asking for a friend.
oh god is that what we’re reduced to?
Wow that interception was almost Weedenesque.
Honestly, I somehow missed that highlight. I watched it with my daughter present. She detests football and doesn’t watch anything close to it. Her response…..”WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?”. She doesn’t use “language” like that around me. Classic.
As a Colts fan, that game was pain.
I was DEFINITELY willing to give Wentz the benefit of the doubt. He had some flashes in Philly so I felt like a change of scenery could help because it often does for QBs.
Jettison him into the sun, please.
Wentz is elite. He was saddled with an injured OL, bad receivers outside of Pittman, and a garBOOO defense.
He will win the Super Bowl next year. Book it!
He’s like the Ben Simmons of football
Dave, can you eventually do a comic on Brian Flores being fired? I need to cope with my pain.
Will Jags fans wear clown costumes to every game now?
I love Frank Reich, but one positive from this Colts collapse and all the dumb mistakes from Wentz was to do some justice to Doug Pederson, and show the narrative that Reich was the mastermind behind the Eagles Superbowl is flawed, to say the least.
Indiana’s gonna Indiana
It does seem like Big Ben is a lock for one ridiculous “I still think I have the arm of a 28yo and can fire it in there … oh noooooo!” interception per game.
The Hard Knocks curse continues in a different way. This was the first year of in season Hard Knocks and the Colts lose the final two one to the Jags omfg this was so brutally terrific