CARTOON PICKS WEEK 11 – Fuck The Vikings
EDIT: Vet emergency on Tuesday, midweek comic will be delayed
Now that I’ve gotten the Raiders right a few times, I have a new nemesis. The Vikings.
Vikings reach the divisional round last year. Surely they will still be good, even without Diggs. Nope. They start the season like a bunch of rabid skunks spraying everything in sight. Fine. People told me to stop putting my faith in Minnesota. I have a weakness for the Vikings and root for them, but people were right. This was a team deserving of scorn. So I started picking against them. Then they go and start winning! The nerve! They beat the Packers! Kirk Cousins got his first ever MNF win against the Bears! Maybe the Vikings had found something and could confidently name themselves the Mediocre Minnesotans. Surely they can beat the Cowboys, a decrepit team with 2 wins, starting recently covid-infected Andy Dalton, coached by fat Mike, a bad coach Mike Zimmer already has experience against. Nope! Fuck you, Minnesota!
The NFC East chaos scramble continues. Each team has 3 wins. The Eagles remain on top by half a game, but somehow still look like the worst team of the entire bunch. After the death of Joe Burrow (RIP, you deserved better) the Eagles may in fact be the only team that doesn’t beat the Bengals. The Team already beat them, the Giants and Cowboys face them next, and they are probably bottom 3 without Burrow in there. The Cowboys look like they are the best set-up to win the division as they’ve proven they can beat mediocre northern trash and have the easiest remaining schedule. They play TEAM on Thursday. I will laugh if TEAM ends up in 1st place during turkey day.
The Dolphins lost Tua for the end of the game and they probably lose their best chance to put genuine pressure on the Bills. The Bills had a bye and managed to come out ahead. The Phish floundered, the Patriots lost to Houston, and the Jets remain the Jets. The Steelers are the only team remaining on their schedule they probably won’t beat. Great week for a team that didn’t play.
The Ravens though…not sure what’s going on. They should have blown up the stymied Patriots last week but I chalked it up to bad weather and the Patriots beginning their resurgence. But the Pats looked bad again (thank goodness) and the Ravens blew a big lead to the Titans. I looked at the Ravens schedule, and the only good team they’ve beaten is the Colts. They also beat the Browns, but it was week 1, and the Browns were on a new coach and hadn’t found themselves yet. The Browns are also not that good. They are 7-3 but they look beatable and the AFC is actually pretty tightly contested as we reach the crunch weeks. Maybe the Ravens are simply mediocre and people have figured out Lamar.
I did terribly this week!
EDIT: I usually end up drawing a few to completion just in case during close matchups, and it feels like a waste to just delete those doodles, so starting here I’m going to start posting the drawings I made even though I was right. Mostly because I’m very proud of Crab Lamar and Muppet Balls
WEEK 12 TURKEY WEEK LETS GOOOOO
TEXANS @ LIONS
Holy goddamn, Lions. I suppose at this point they are just letting Patricia play out the season because after that shutout loss to the PJ Walker led Carolina Panthers I don’t know how they can keep him around thinking it’ll improve. This was the Lions last possible gasp to try and pull a playoff run and they came out looking like sorry dumb losers against a team missing the two most important players on offense. Absolutely pathetic. Texans win.
If the Lions win, I will draw Matty Patty eating a big turkey
TEAM @ COWBOYS
The Cowboys and TEAM have backup QBs who are not special but are now fighting for relevance. I feel like the TEAM is gonna win this.
If the Cowboys win, I will draw the Red Rifle cackling from the top of shit mountain
RAVENS @ STEELERS
I know the Steelers are going to lose at some point but I’m going to stop trying to predict it and let it happen naturally.
If the Ravens win, I will bring back Lamar Jackson as happy crab, which I drew this week but couldn’t use because they blew it
CHARGERS @ BILLS
Man the Chargers would be absolutely incredible if the game ended after 3 quarters. For some reason they always forget there is a 4th quarter and let the other team make a big run to threaten that lead. Either they have terrible conditioning or they are like Germany in world wars and blow their load too early. This should be a nice win for the Bills.
If the Chargers win, I will draw Justin Herbert getting an A on his geography test
TITANS @ COLTS
Didn’t these two just play each other like a week ago? This game will decide the division. I finally respect the Colts even though I’d prefer the Titans. Colts gonna take the division and the Titans are gonna be a wildcard.
If the Titans win, I will draw Derrick Henry as Saturn Devouring His Son, only he’s eating Philip Rivers’ entire litter of children
PANTHERS @ VIKINGS
UUUGH. The Vikings keep getting put in these situations where I don’t want to pick them, but I also can very easily see them winning, and now I have to gamble again. Fuck the Vikings. Go Panthers. Please stop making me draw Kirk Cousins.
If the Vikings win, I will draw the state of Minnesota flipping me the bird
BROWNS @ JAGUARS
Jaguars are staying on track for Fields, or possibly hoping the Jets can stumble into a win and they can then grab Lawrence. Browns have a chance to do something meaningful here, don’t blow it Cleveland.
If the Jags win, I will draw the Jags tank running over the Brownie and Khan yelling at them because they weren’t supposed to do that
GIANTS @ BENGALS
If Burrow was playing, he’d find a way to win this game and make me hate Daniel Jones all over again just when I was starting to have some patience with him. Without Burrow, there really isn’t much reason to give this team any credit. Believe it or not, I am picking…the Giants.
If the Bengals win, I will draw Daniel Jones back in the doghouse. May change if he has a good game but still loses.
CARDINALS @ PATRIOTS
oh please oh please oh please oh please don’t let the Patriots stay in the hunt. Stomp them out, Cardinals. Please.
If the Patriots win, I will draw Cam Newton crawling out of a grave, not dead yet
DOLPHINS @ JETS
The Jets have officially been eliminated from the playoffs. Watch them win games now. Not this one though.
If the Jets win, I will draw Adam Gase as Satan
RAIDERS @ FALCONS
Falcons are trash garbage.
If the Falcons win, I will draw a happy dumpster
SAINTS @ BRONCOS
The Broncos pulled off the upset against Miami and now get the Taysom Hill experience (provided Brees and his 2 remaining ribs stay out) but they aren’t good enough to move the ball on the Saints D. I will say I found the Taysom Hill start incredibly boring. This was Sean Payton’s pet project and they didn’t do anything fun with him.
If the Broncos win, I will draw Drew Lock planting a flag on Taysom Hill
49ERS @ RAMS
Okay, I think the Rams are legit enough. Maybe not a true contender, but this team could make some noise in the right circumstances. Should be easy for them to stay on track against the hobbled Santa Clara boys.
If the 49ers win, I will draw Nor-cal shitting on So-cal
CHIEFS @ BUCS
Ooooh! A good one! I think the Bucs are gonna win this game and the Brady circlejerk will kick into highest gear again and it’ll be insufferable bullshit until the Bucs drop a dumb game later.
If the Chiefs win, I will draw Walrus Reid eating Tom Brady
BEARS @ PACKERS
I am not picking the Bears again. The Bears are a fraud team.
If the Bears win, I will draw Winnie the Poo eating brie
SEAHAWKS @ EAGLES
The Eagles are a fucking travesty. I don’t know what has happened to Carson Wentz, but I feel like he might be the new RG3. He looked incredible in 2017, tore his knee to shreds, and then has regressed and looked worse every year since. He just looks incredibly broken.
If the Eagles win, I will draw Russ being fed to baby eagles
“If the Chiefs win, I will draw Walrus Reid eating Tom Brady”
Uuuuhhh, you already drew this three years ago, Dave!
I propose a different one:
Kermit Mahomes makes Brady walk the plank, only instead of sharks, a hungry Walrus Reid is waiting while licking his chops.
YES!! THIS ONE!
Lol, seconded. As long as Brady has a walker with him.
Looks like I’m a ding dong and failed to refresh the page. Dave was wicked faster than I expected. XD
I’m still so sad that we didn’t get to see Derek Carr kicking Kermit in the nads.
We did get to see Derek Carr’s extremely disturbing Kubrick Stare though, so that’s nice.
he posted that one well after the original post, check back!
I thought he was gonna shoot a DI when he got off the bench
Oh god I didn’t even think about Wentz being the new RG3 oh god please no.
You know what’s fun? Watching Nick Chubb stiff arm guys into Canada. That’s fun.
That was awesome!
You know what’s NOT fun? Reading this comic if you happen to have committed the unforgivable sin of rooting for one of the teams Dave hates. Really wish we could do without that part. 🙁
I root for the Vikings, so I have no idea if Dave is going to love or hate them on any given day.
That was fun! Also, the guy that got stiff-armed deserves a little credit IMO for getting up, chasing Chubb downfield and making the tackle.
Yeah I was pretty impressed with that. When the announcers called his name on the tackle I had to do a double take.
Looks like Team wasn’t the last time Dave was going to pick the Giants. I hope they get another win. Dave, don’t let the other QB, Burrow or whomever, affect your opinion of Daniel Jones. His play should do that, not whether the opposing teams offense scores a ton. Your QB can have a fantastic day and still lose or have a shitty one and win the Superbowl as Peyton showed us
If the Niners win, can we get the Ram locked into the unhappy half of a terrible outhouse with an ominous shadow approaching instead?
you can have whatever you want, as the 9ers will absolutely not win.
I like the Colts, but now I want them to lose only because I want so badly to see Dave’s take on Saturn Devouring His Son.
Here.
http://www.thedrawplay.com/comic/saturn-devouring-his-football-son/
If there’s going to be a Goya spoof by Dave I wouldn’t mind seeing one of “Charles IV of Spain & His Family” showing a overwhelmed thumb coach (McAdoo, Kitchens, Tomsula, etc.) and coordinators when that situation inevitably happens in the next couple of seasons.
If the Bucs’ trend continues like it has, they’ll beat the Chiefs, get gassed to death again by everyone (myself included), then come out of the bye and lose to… Minnesota.
lol good luck picking that game.
So I’m pretty sure the Vikings are not going to win this coming week, but the idea was too good to pass up.
And of course the icon doesn’t show up. Sigh.
go dirty birds yay
I feel like we don’t deserve to see Crab Lamar since the Ravens didn’t win but thanks for sharing those three! They are among your best… maybe you should post them in black and white and deny us the colorized versions if the outcome didn’t happen… that way you could still share them but we’d still have the incentive to cheer for certain outcomes to get the colorized versions in a close game where you actually have to start drawing.
*crying in corner while drinking a capri sun*
the ravens are okay the ravens are okay
Tractorcito has his hair made from raven feathers
I think Dave only picks against the Titans because he likes drawing Henry as a Titan
mate I would change your prediction for the bucs game brady looked like a bag of hot shit against the rams D (did you see those 2 ints)
If the Vikes win, do the Minnesota Middle Finger from the 506sports broadcast maps
Indeed, the Chargers would be 6-4 this year if games ended after the 3rd quarter.
Interestingly enough, one of our wins would turn into a loss in this scenario (week 1 vs Bengals).
Getting some Norris’s Head vibes off of Crab Lamar.
I’m rooting for the Lions now.
We need as much Matty Patty as possible while he’s still coaching…
Dammit! Too late!
Matty Patty fired today. I guess losing on Thanksgiving to the WTF’s did it….
🙁
Dave i feel like you keep picking the buccs to win so you can keep drawing brady getting shit on lol.