The Draw Play

WEEK 4 HAS COME AND GONE! (Outside tonight’s games, if one of them even happens. Tune in tomorrow to see if there’s more pictures!)

What have we learned? Not a ton. Trends from last week have mostly been confirmed. The Jets and Giants are going to fight for Lawrence. Joe Burrow has it in him. The Browns are finally living up to their 2019 hype. The Bucs are finding themselves. Justin Herbert looks good. The Raiders exude extreme 8-8 energy. The Bills are legit as hell. The Bears will never have a good quarterback.

Of course, there is also the giant virus in the room.  I’ll probably have to make a comic later this week about that. Many players on the Titans are infected. Cam Newton is infected. A Chiefs player is infected. The Saints had a scare. The virus takes time to incubate, and there is a possibility that it spread outward this week and even more during games, before anyone could generate a positive test. I would not be surprised if this week features a lot more positives, and week 6 even more so. The cascade has started. The NFL is in serious trouble. They can’t bubble like hockey and basketball did, they have too many people per team needed to bubble, and they’ve already exposed themselves. They can’t easily reschedule games like baseball did. You can’t just play some extra double header football games. the 4-day rest for Thursday games is already questionably short. The NFL is going to have to stretch the year out if this is going to work.

But enough gloom and doom for now! I got plenty of picks wrong! Let’s laugh at me.

 

I might just draw Joe Burrow as Tony the Tiger with a cigar from now on.

So who’s on the docket this week? Provided Corona doesn’t throw everything into blind chaos.

BUCCANEERS @ BEARS
I had faith in Big Dick Nick. It was misplaced. The Bears are cursed to always shit themselves under center. The Bucs have figured it out and even a staunch challenge from the Chargers was put down with relative ease when Brady got angry.
If the Bears win, I will Big Dick Nick using his large member to strangle Brady like an anaconda

BILLS @ TITANS
We’ll have to see if this game even happens. But even if the Titans manage to field a squad of replacements for their Covid victims, I think the Bills are going to keep that momentum. The Bills are just winning games, and they keep finding ways to win even when things go wrong. Bills are legit.
If the Titans win, I will draw the Coronavirus wearing a Titans uniform towering over Josh Allen

JAGUARS @ TEXANS
Here are a couple of teams I’ve placed too much faith in recently. I don’t think the Jaguars are good, but I thought they’d manage to beat the Dolphins and Bengals. I don’t think the Texans are good either, but I figured they could beat the Vikings. Both of these AFCS jackasses have let me down and I have no idea who to pick. The Texans are more talented and at the very least have played mostly good teams, whereas the Jags got lucky over the Colts and have flamed out since. I guess I gotta go Buttchin on this one.
If the Jaguars win, I will draw drunk Gardner Minshew taking a piss on the state of Texas

BENGALS @ RAVENS
The Bengals got a win! Sadly for them, the Ravens are not the Jaguars. It was nice while it lasted, Joe.
If the Bengals win, I will draw Joe The Tiger throwing a Raven into a tree at 90 mph

PANTHERS @ FALCONS
The Panthers are well coached and it makes me sad because I wanted Rhule as the Giants coach so badly. This team should be mediocre at best, but they are playing great football. Gotta respect it. I just assume the Falcons will lead at first.
If the Falcons win, I will draw Matty Ice dodging the giant hand of fate saying “Not this week!”

RAIDERS @ CHIEFS
My faith in the Raiders may have been misplaced. They look thoroughly mediocre. They will beat the bad teams and lose to the good teams. The Chiefs are a good team.
If the Raiders win, I will draw Andy Reid Walrus losing at a slot machine

CARDINALS @ JETS
The Cardinals might be just average. They haven’t looked particularly impressive these past two weeks. Fortunately for them, they get a bounce-back game! The Jets are garbage.
If the Jets win, I will draw a fighter jet sucking a flock of Cardinals into its jet intake

EAGLES @ STEELERS
The Eagles are winning the NFCE at 1-2-1! The battle for Pennsylvania skews west right now.
If the Eagles win, I will draw Carson Wentz stomping on a see-saw shaped like Pennsylvania and Ben flying off

RAMS @ TEAM
The Team is still pretty damn trash. Haskins might low-key be one of the worst starting QBs out there. The Rams were very disappointing vs the Giants but I have to imagine they are still good enough to beat the TEAM
If the TEAM wins, I will draw Kyle Allen kicking a ram off a cliff

DOLPHINS @ 49IRS
The Dolphins have some momentum and the 49ers just aren’t as good with Nick Mullens out there. That said, they are still pretty decent, even with the loss to Philly. I can’t trust the Dolphins to win this against the injured SB contenders.
If the Dolphins win, I will draw Beard Dolphin tail slapping an angry prospector

GIANTS @ COWBOYS
The Giants defense is okay, but they have the most putrid offense in the league. The Cowboys offense is pretty good, but they have a putrid defense. I expect the Giants to finally manage to score 20 points and still lose.
If the Giants win, I will draw Jason Garrett clapping

BRONCOS @ PATRIOTS
The Pats will be a different team without Cam, if this game happens and he’s gone. I still can’t trust whatever the Broncos are starting at QB to win this.
If the Broncos win, I will draw Bojohn Elway winning a fight against Mr. PeanutBelichick

COLTS @ BROWNS
This game looks way more fun than I could have possibly anticipated. The Browns look fun as hell, and the Colts have a legit defense. This aught to be a good game!
If the Colts win, I will draw Centaur Philip Rivers stomping on Baker Mayfield

VIKINGS @ SEAHAWKS
The Seahawks defense is suspect to me and at some point it is going to let them down. I’m not expecting it to be against the Vikings, however.
If the Vikings win, I will draw “Let Dalvin Cook”

CHARGERS @ SAINTS
The Chargers keep putting up good fights against better teams. Are the Saints a better team? I think so, but the Chargers have to win one of these games sometime. I’m gonna give them my blessing and call the upset. Go Justin Go
If the Saints win, I will draw Drew Brees telling Justin Herbert that back when he played for the Chargers, they played in San Diego

IF WE GET A TIE
I draw both QBs in a pile of poop

IF CORONAVIRUS POSTPONES A GAME
I will draw a CORONAVIRUS FLEX card which shall replace any picture for a game that was postponed. The picture can be used for the rest of the season. – via Big Blueberries