Bears Fans Meet The Trigger Spider
I designed this comic specifically so I can use it for every team at any time with absolute ease. You really can just swap the shirts to a different team and make the spider say something else. I look forward to using it multiple times this season. What triggers your fanbase? 28-3? The Missed PI? Tom Brady’s Deflated Balls? The Dream Team? Lemme know in the comments.
I’ve never been particularly grossed out by bugs but in recent years I’ve actually grown very fond of spiders in general. I feel like spiders have gotten a bit of a rebrand lately as we realize their value in defending our homes from other bugs. Like how having a cat can help you deal with a rodent problem, having spiders can help with an insect problem. If I see a little spidey chilling in a corner of my house, I’ll leave him be. If he’s somewhere I don’t want him to be (aka the bedroom or bathroom, aka places I am naked), I’ll trap him under a glass and release him outside. I can’t remember the last time I actually killed a spider.
EDIT: I forgot to consider that I live in an area with almost no dangerous spiders. If you live in an area with Hunstmans or Black Widows or Brown Recluses, etc, you should absolutely 100% murder them, unless you are a cowboys fan in which case I suggest petting them
“Chip Kelly”
No. No. No. No. No!
*triggered*
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE AS A GIANTS FAN DAVE, MAKE THIS COMIC!!!!!
As hilarious as this is, Chip Kelly eventually led the team to getting Doug Pederson and rising from the ashes into a SB winner, so I dont know how bad he really was in the end
So very true, Mr. Dave.
Now, now, we can ignore how things played out in favor of the irritation it caused at the time. I mean, yes, that’s how things worked out. But the Browns can be blamed too for the trade that gave the Eagles Carson Wentz. And the Browns had who that year? RG3, Cody Kessler, and Josh McCown? You could also blame the Rams and Eagles for not locking Foles up to a better deal to keep him around possibly as a high priced backup. I mean, who could do that to BDN?
I agree with your spider thing. I tried to rationalize this to my girlfriend to which she said “then we’ll have spiders”
Danny Boy
Man, you should make a giant Phidippus audax and keep color templates handy–any time you use this comic format with it, swap the colors to a rival team of the offended one.
Let’s see…as a Broncos fan…
Rahim Moore is the obvious one. Personally, I’m a fan of “Steve Atwater isn’t in the Hall of Fame” (because HE SHOULD BE IN!). Also, the fact that the most successful QBs Denver has drafted are either the Don’t Care Bear (semi-successful with Chicago) or Tim Tebow (…yeah).
Since Reddit didn’t do its NFL roasts this year, I’ve got a lot stockpiled, so here’s my best shot at every team in the AFC.
Chiefs: the Lamar Hunt trophy is named after their founder. 49 of them have been given out since the merger. The Chiefs don’t have a single one.
Chargers: #1 offense, #1 defense, #32 special teams in 2010. No playoffs. Alternately: Phillip Rivers is the best QB out of the 2004 draft class, and he’s never going to win a ring. Alternately: the Chargers are owned by Dean Spanos.
Raiders: They’re the Raiders.
Colts: The Colts will continue to get a great QB every fifteen years or so, but they’ll never put a complete team around him, leaving them to fall into a championship (or, more likely, get bounced when their weaknesses are exposed).
Jaguars: The team isn’t moving to London. It’s just going to play half its games there and the other half in Jacksonville. Somehow, it won’t be much worse than the early 2010s iteration of the team.
Texans: Your best years came with Matt Schaub under center.
Titans: You had your greatest successes with Jeff Fisher as your coach.
Ravens: Art Modell did Cleveland dirtier than Robert Irsay did Baltimore.
Browns: Baker Mayfield’s going to Pittsburgh as soon as he hits free agency.
Steelers: The Steelers have never beaten the Belichick-coached Patriots in the playoffs. Their “window” slammed shut in 2011, when the Patriots decided they were just going to go to the AFC Championship every year from that point on.
Bengals: Marvin Lewis wasn’t the problem. Mike Brown is the problem. And he’s not going anywhere, or shelling out the type of salary that will attract a decent head coach. Alternatively: Skyline Chili is disgusting. Alternatively: Bills fans like your team more than you do.
Dolphins: Nothing notable has happened involving your team since Dan Marino retired.
Jets: The Jets are the NFL equivalent of the Washington Generals, complete with pratfalls, occasional random bursts of competence, and being just good enough for some other superior team to triumph over them in a blaze of glory.
Patriots: Patriots fans are somehow saltier when they win than when they lose. True story.
Bills: You like the Bengals more than you like your own team.
(Sorry about the long comment. I just had a LOT of this stuff stored mentally.)
Ravens: Ray Lewis is a murderer. I have to stop myself from pulling my hair out whenever someone says that. The facts of the case are so completely contrary to that, but people still honestly believe that.
The thing with Art Modell doing Cleveland dirtier than Irsay did Baltimore is that 1983 was so long ago that most Ravens fans weren’t even born when it happened, so they have no emotional connection to the Colts. And a lot weren’t even of age the root for a team before the Ravens came to town, so they don’t even have that gap of no football team to root for between ’83 and ’96.
And what it really SHOULD be is Billy Cundiff… except for the fact that Cundiff missing that chipshot directly led to the Ravens getting Justin Tucker, the best kicker in the NFL (and arguably the best of all time) and winning the Super Bowl the next year. So even if I could go back and change time so that Cundiff made that field goal, I wouldn’t simply because of what came after.
Art Modell did Cleveland dirtier than Irsay did Baltimore, because Modell had been screwing Cleveland for 40 years, and they were still a rabid fanbase, while the Colts were, frankly, post Unitas just… well, not. Art Modell is the greatest villain in the NFL’s history, though Badell’s trying to take that mantle.
As a Titans fan, I am not triggered. I am just incredibly depressed now. Thank you. Maybe that last panel could be a Titans fan smacking himself in the face lol.
For the Browns it would be “Baker Mayfield is another Johnny Manziel.”
Or honestly, just say “Art Modell.”
Or “Red Right 88.” That one’s even worse than the Drive or the Fumble, since it was self-inflicted.
stop, stop, we’re already dead
or at least I am, on the inside…
Plus no one in a right mind would think the Browns would have won against the Giants in SB 21.
Nothing notable has happened to the Dolphins since Dan Marino’s sophomore year, forget his retirement.
Not true. The 62-7 loss to the Jaguars is notable.
Well let’s see, as a Jags fan, I could just put up a list of our Quarterback drafts. And then there’s the 1996 AFC Championship, 1999 AFC Championship, 2017 AFC Championship. Also something something London
The potential to have 31 more of these, and each to be equally triggering, could keep you going all pre-season (and on quiet weeks where not much happens during the season)
As a Bengals fan I have to say losing twice to the Niners in the SB, Palmer being hurt in the WC, Jeremy Hill fumbling the ball, and Vontaze being a dumbfuck by doing a helmet to helmet hit on AB to put the Steelers in FG range
Packers: NFCCG choke in 2014. (4th and 26 works pretty well, too)
Falcons: 28-3
Saints: You made a good assortment, here: http://www.thedrawplay.com/comic/why-do-the-saints-suffer-so-much-playoff-heartbreak/
Nope. Sorry. Got the arachnaphobe gene. Anything bigger than a few mm, can’t have it in the house. Whack.
Sure spiders can be bros when they aren’t deadly and aggressive or easily spooked. If I see a big spider, I have to check and see if it’s harmless or possibly some kind of Phoneutria. If it looks like latter, I’m killing it first and then asking questions.
“Stan Kroenke” is a trigger for us Battlehawks fans.
Maybe a bigger thing could be made out of that double-doink, because it seems to have broken Coach Nagy’s mind completely. Apparently, he regularly tortures the Bears kickers in practice now according to certain articles and tweets, putting the ball on the EXACT spot as where the double-doink happened, demanding them to make the kick in dead silence with bated breath, then berating/criticizing them regardless of whether they made the kick or not.
…The Bears are going to suffer serious kicking woes this season, aren’t they. Hey, Chicago, you’re stealing the Vikings’ schtick!
As a lifelong Saints fan, the recent is obviously the one we look at. Just put the spider in a ref shirt and have him say it was a clean hit. Though honestly, it doesn’t bother me anymore. What’s done is done and in the past.
Off topic question: since the XFL is football, will you address anything news related with that league? Considering it’s connection to the “drama” filled WWE, it could be ripe for football storylines.
Alex Smith does it for me more than anything
Does it also work for CFB? Say I want to absolutely rail the Gators….. Could I do that?
Vikings: They’ve got quite a few kicking woes in their playoff history
Seahawks: SB 49 Goal Line INT.
Let’s see, other than SB 49, Referees in 2005? Blair Walsh?
Any kicker other than Hauschka
Ugh – SB49 aka LeastMode Bevell playcalling is for sure the most triggering one. Second down on the 1 with a timeout and 30 seconds left…. aRRRRRRGGHGHH!!
The Blair Walsh Project kinda did directly lose 3 games, but that was the year Wilson did everything and the team pissed away a late home game against the Rams so they didn’t really deserve to be in the playoffs anyways.
What about mice and walks in the woods?
Eh. Deadspin did the “Why your team sucks” on the Bears this week and the only thing he could reference was the kick. It’s a boomer joke at this point. Raiders are the current hotness and the new hotness will either be the Browns faceplanting with all the talent this year, OR Aaron Rodgers quitting on the Packers and throwing new HC under the bus while doing it.
“Seahawks should’ve handed off to Lynch”
Dan Snyder will likely be around for another three decades.
For us 49ers fan, probably mention “Frank Gore would have scored” in regards to our final goal line drive of SB XLVII and any one of us will lose it.
I was trying to think of what it was for us, and yeah, that’s pretty much spot on. Thanks for reminding me, I had blocked it out.
That’s what I’m here for, buddy :'(
The Lions’ is probably “Matt Millen”, but instead of smacking the spider, it’s just the Lions fan with his head in his hands.
speaking as someone who lives in an area with carnivorous spiders, it pays to be able to recognize them so you keep the spiders that kill everything else
best of both worlds
unless youre a pats fan and are always fuckin complaining about something
Chiefs fans have a rich tapestry of misery, from which to draw, but the most recent, and most painful, is Dee Ford lining up off-sides on a play where Chiefs’ intercepted the ball, from Brady, and for 10 sweet seconds, everyone thought they were going to the Super Bowl, which, incidentally, ended up being unwatchable garbage, instead of more Patrick Mahomes.
So, um, that Andrew Luck news? Wow…..honestly, I feel kind of sad that we’re losing a genuinely good QB. But I’m also extremely concerned about his well being. If he is “worn down” over his on going injuries, that’s not just a physical thing. I really like Luck. I like the Colts. I hate this for both.
As an Eagles fan, I’d say Ronde Barber.
Over/Under
Wentz’s career last longer than Luck’s?
HOLY FUCKING SHIT ANDREW LUCK RETIRED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BEARS/COLTS GAME.
Spiders are so last decade– get insectivore bats! Bats don’t eat bees (good!), they DO eat nocturnal wasps (good! Those guys eat bees!), they eat spiders that eat bees (good!), they eat mosquitoes (which, after John Fox, are God’s greatest mistakes), they eat flies… seriously, they eat all the annoying stuff spiders do, but they DON’T eat the pollinaters. And insectivore bats are generally totally rabies free, never attack people, and bat houses can collect their guano, which is a super efficient fertilizer if you’re into gardening. TEAM BATS!
I can’t believe Dave allowed advertisments to run in the comments section.
Dave needs to repost his whiskey obj post but crudley draw colts stuff over the Giants stuff and photoshoot Jim irsays face over his own.
Thatsunlikelybro beat me to the punch with Rahim Moore, but I would also like to submit: You were on the losing side of the #1, #3, and #5 biggest blowouts in Super Bowl history.
I love spiders! Especially the cute widdle jumping spider you have there. Looking forward to seeing him more.
Triggers? Jeebus, not enough ink on the internet to cover them all.
Maybe just the sound of “And with the first pick, the Cleveland Browns select…”
(Although, instead of a ‘trigger spider’, maybe we should have a triggerfish so we can all say Humuhumunukunukuapuaa on a regular basis….)
Kill. All. Spiders.
If you’ve got bugs in your house, dehumidify. Bugs can’t live under 50% humidity, so rather than rely on spiderbros, simply remove the moisture, and bugs won’t even enter. No bugs means no spiders; no spiders means no mice. Remove the entry level food chain and your house remains cleaner and bug free.
As a 49ers fan, what triggers me? Well, the 1990 NFC Championsip game and the Leonard Marshall hit trigger my inner high school self.
More recently, however? What triggers me is Greg, freaking, Roman. I can’t believe Harbaugh died on that hill.
Packers:
4th and 26.
Also, still mad at Bostick.