Duke Johnson Brings Up Some Negative Vibes
Duke Johnson got traded! Now he’s on the Texans. This feels like a win for all involved to me. The Browns will feed the Chubb and eventually get Kareem Hunt back. The Texans could use a solid veteran RB since Lamar Miller hasn’t lived up to billing. Duke Johnson wanted to leave Cleveland. Really everyone wins.
I figured instead of going into that stuff I could use this time to probably end up on freezing cold takes and proclaim that I don’t think the Browns are going to be great this season, despite everything positive that has happened. They have the potential to be great. All the potential in the world sits in Cleveland. They’ve got a hotshot QB, stud wide receivers, solid defensive anchors…it’s all there. It just has to execute.
Maybe it’s my inherent pessimism, or the fact that since the Browns biggest move came at the expense of my own team and I’ve been hearing it ever since so it’s just gotten to me, but I honestly have my doubts. I’ve gone into every football season in the last 5 years with a steadfast belief in three universal truths:
1. The Giants will make me sad
2. The Patriots will win everything
3. The Browns will Browns
All 3 of these things I feel are my universal truths, only to be proven wrong when they are actually proven wrong. The Giants will make me sad until the instant they don’t. The Patriots will win and continue to win everything until the instant they don’t. The Browns will continue to wallow in Brownsness until the instant they don’t. Until any of these things officially happen, I refuse to accept they aren’t already true. I don’t consider what has happened to the Browns in the past year to be defeating that truth. Not yet. I need to see them make the playoffs before I’m willing to believe in another possibility. It’s the same way I need to see Tom Brady and the Patriots miss the playoffs and look bad before I ever believe that their dynasty is over.
So while the Browns have accumulated an absurd amount of hype and expectations, I have doubts. There is a part of my brain screaming “DUDE JUST LET THE BROWNS FANS HAVE THIS, YOU ASS” at me but if I hate myself everyone else has to hate themselves too. Misery loves company. There is even a dark, evil part of my brain that kid of wants the Browns to implode just so I can look at everyone hyped up and scream “THIS IS WHY HOPE IS FOR FOOOOOOLS”
Here are my concerns with the Browns:
1. OBJ has played 16 games just once. 3 of his seasons have had injuries plague him. I think it’s foolish to assume he will stay healthy when his track record might actually indicate the opposite
2. The entire team is full of BIG PERSONALITIES. The Coach, the QB, the WRs…they all got attitude. Attitude rules, but only when the team is winning. When a team struggles with this much attitude, things tend to get ugly and distracting, especially in the media.
3. The head coach is very unproven. Freddie Kitchens went from RB coach to OC to HC in the span of half a season. He’s never been a head coach before. It was easy to look better than Hue “Literally the worst coach I may have ever seen” Jackson, and I worry our expectations for the guy are based around him gleefully clearing the world’s lowest bar.
4. Half a good season. They finished 2018 strong, but it came against middling teams. The Falcons were broken and underperforming. The Bengals (2x) were a mess. The Panthers were in an even year, beating the even year Panthers doesn’t count. The Broncos were trash. They looked competitive in losses to the Chiefs, Texans, and Ravens, but still lost. It was a marked improvement from the first half of the season, but again: the world’s lowest bar.
5. They actually have a very favorable schedule in 2019. On paper. A lot of what makes the 2019 Browns look so good remains just that: paper. What looks like an easy schedule now may turn into a gauntlet.
6. This is not the first time the Browns have had hype or expectations. It’s hard to remember it after 3 years of Hue “literally the worst coach I’ve ever seen” Jackson, but it has been there. Everyone is acting like this is different, but this team has still been hyped before. I remember the Johnny Football hype. I remember Derek Anderson to Braylon Edwards hype. The Browns might have a bit more talent than they did then, and they might have a good but small sample size of positive trends to back it up, but I’ve seen hype before. Hype is dangerous.
7. They are the Browns, and until they show me they are not The Browns, they remain The Browns.
I wouldn’t blame anyone for reading this list to dismiss me as just a bitter asshole who doesn’t have any real legitimate concerns so he’s using a bunch of gut feelings to validate himself. I probably am doing just that. But the fact remains I’m worried we’ve done the thing as a collective sporting fanbase and assumed that since a few things went one way, that this is how the future works. How many times have people foretold the end of the Patriots dynasty based on little evidence and hope? How many times have they been right? I want, even hope, the Browns stomp the AFC this year. I want to live in a world where the Browns are no longer the punchline so we can go all in on someone else like the Skins or Bills. But until they actually do that, I feel like maybe we should somewhat peel back our expectations this year, expect a few hiccups, and root for them to make the playoffs.
I reckon Mayfield gets crunched and then the team will return to QB hell. This is the way the Browns are.
I’ve been feeling they’ll go 8-8, and I disagreed with them trading for OBJ, seeing that as them buying into their own hype.
The hype train is rolling, but if I were to bet, I’d purchase the under on the Browns (currently at 9 wins, which I see as insane).
If I had to project the AFC North:
Steelers 10-6
Browns 8-8
Bengals 7-9
Ravens 7-9
I am going to disagree and say the Browns win their division. The Steelers only got worse trading AB and Connor was good but Bell is better. Browns improve a lot with OBJ and Baker seems like the real deal he will be an MVP in a couple more years
This take did not age well.
I could disagree with you on the Browns, but if any team could make me look like an ass for thinking they’ll be a threat, it’s Cleveland.
You forgot the most compelling argument of all for the Browns hype train to run off the rails – the Browns live in hell. Not sure if anybody is a fan of Jon Bois’ Chart Party, but the stats are uuuuuuuugly. The video is from 2017, so it’s obviously not going to include the Baker and the Kitchens and the white powder pizzas:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gZndxEvFNk
ive seen people bring this up loads of time that the browns constantly let down the hype and am i missing something ? they had hype in 2008, some hype about Manziel, and i guess a lot of people saw their 2017 pre season and thought “well theres no way they’ll only 1 win game this year”, but no one was hyped Jake delhome the brown, the weeden pick was extensively mocked, hell even in 2014 when they were 7-2, no one was really hyped about it. i just don’t get why ive seen so many people say stuff like “don’t get suckered into the browns hype again!” because from 2009-2017 they were a dead zone of a team no one was hyping them. now if you wanna talk about teams that constantly gets hyped and let it down, those are the chargers and lions XP
You make a good point. Maybe ‘hope’ is a slightly more accurate term than ‘hype’ for the previous decade and a half of utter irrelevance? They’ve been on rock bottom for soooo long, first pick of the draft seemingly every year… the hope-hype centered on the notion: “THIS is the year the Browns shuffle towards relevance!”
A group of my coworkers – none of them Browns fans – treat predicting HOW MUCH the Browns will suck annually as importantly as predicting that year’s Super Bowl winner. They were giddier over the Johnny Shitshow pick than they were over their own teams’ selections!
Multiple first pick busts + sheer number of qbs they’ve run thru mill over the years = constant spotlight to check pulse.
I’ll agree it hasn’t been constant hype in the regular sense, but it’s always there… lurking. Hilariously, Baker is now tied for 14th all-time for quarterback wins on the team. He’s tied for the FOURTH most wins since the team was resurrected. They’re like the inverse Patriots. The hype for the Pats every year is “WHEN WILL IT END?!?” The Browns’ hype has always been “WHEN WILL IT BEGIN?!?”
SOMEONE ELSE RECOGNIZES THE EVEN YEAR PANTHERS! THEY SHOULDN’T EVEN FIELD A TEAM IN THE EVEN YEARS! WHY DO I SUPPORT THIS TEAM?
I thought the even year/odd year Panthers were a fairly well known thing (although I also thought they were about to break out of it when they were 6-2).
As a Browns fan, I couldn’t agree more. I’m waiting for the whole thing to fall apart
You forgot that they traded away one of their best offencive linemen. They went in for the splash when the trenches are more important.
I agree with Dave here and your comment is why I’m cautiously optimistic for the Giants. It feels like we’re focusing on the trenches rather than flash.
Even year Panthers don’t count 🙁
It’s like some sick faustian bargain where we get to have amazing players and make the playoffs and have serious hope but half of our seasons are pre-destined to be a wash.
This has always been my stance on the Browns, but people hate it. How franchise saviors have we seen come to Cleveland and decidedly not save the franchise? Why should I assume Baker Mayfield will be the one to actually do it. Until he does, he’s just the next head on the hydra.
You make an excellent point. It’s sadly hilarious how many times Cleveland fans have been put through the hand mixer on this one. If we’re being honest, last year Baker took a group of don’t-care losers that most opposing chefs didn’t even bother gameplanning for and pulled a few muffin-like wins out of his ass. Here are some cake pops for you, bro. Stop yelling at everyone and their mother on Twitter for not believing in your Julia Childs-like talent. Put a bun in the oven before you start decorating the trophy case.
OBJ will either take the T.O. route and get into some major beef with Baker in the Freddy Kitchens, or maybe his entire leg will end up on an opposing team’s chopping block and fall off the bone. But something’s gonna happen, cuz this team is cursed. Adding “mercurial receiver” is not a recipe with which you can bake a Super Bowl cake. The cake is gonna burn. Get it!? (Cuz we all know what color burned cakes turn… burnt umber. WOCKA WOCKA!)
I will admit, however, that I love talking to Browns fans because of how many exceptionally great ways there are to make cooking jokes with these guys. Baker, Kitchens, Browns, chopping blocks, fire, oven. If they ever get penalized for having too many men on the field, the refs need to say they’re illegally fielding a “Baker’s Dozen”. XD
It would also be great if some horrible food-related company, like Papa John or Spam, bought the stadium naming rights. I guess FirstEnergy will have to do (I had to look the name up, they are the only stadium that has NEVER hosted a postseason game). You could make some jokes that nobody will understand about your Freddy Kitchens appliances needing to be FirstEnergy Star compliant, and how much of a DRAIN they are on the system. The OBJ model draws so much power it can start a house fire if you’re not careful. X’D
Those 3 universal truths……so MUCH truth. Also, how bout that Nathan Petermints?
2 reminds me of the Steelers.
I used a website to pick every game in the season, and I ended up with the Browns going 10-6 and still missing the playoffs, due to losing a tiebreaker to the Steelers. If that isn’t the most Browns way to end this season, I don’t know what is.
Going 10-6 in 2007 and then losing the 6-seed to the Titans on the 8th or 9th tiebreaker because the Colts gifted them the win in week 17 was just about the most Brownsy way to miss the playoffs. Seriously, they got down to net points or something; almost went to the coin flip.
The problem with this mindset is that literally every team is winless before the season starts. I don’t remember seeing this “pUmP tHe BrAkEs, tHeY hAvE tO pRovE iT oN tHe FiElD” crap when the Jaguars hype machine was in full force back in 2017. Sure didn’t hear that shit about the Eagles that year, either. This year, even the Patriots have to prove themselves on the field, but I’m not seeing alot of criticism of Patriots hype.
Was there a Jags hype machine in 2017? I remember it happening in 2018, but that was the Jags coming off of an AFC Championship Game appearance. I don’t think anybody was buying the Jags as contenders until it happened.
As for the Eagles, well…there were people saying “Wentz has to prove he’s not a one-year wonder” and “the Eagles have to prove they’re playoff contenders”, and they actually did prove it on the field, going 13-2 before losing their starting quarterback and then winning the Super Bowl, so the hype there was kinda justified.
What do these two things have in common? Well, the Eagles backed up their hype, and the Jags seemed to have a legit reason to be hyped (their defense was really good the previous year and almost carried them to the Super Bowl). The Patriots as well: they have a history of being, well, the Patriots.
The Browns, meanwhile, haven’t had a winning season in forever, and every time they give their fans hope it’s just a setup for a nutpunch. Also, their last season had them facing the bottom of the league (that’s what an 0-16 season gets you), and while they had some good wins, they also might have just hit a hot streak against week competition. This year, they might have more trouble (for one thing, Andy Dalton is healthy), and they might underperform. For all the hype they’re getting prior to the season starting, the Browns still haven’t had a winning season since 2007, and haven’t made the playoffs since 2002. In fact, last season was the first time the team finished outside of last place in the AFC North since the 2010 season.
The point is this: the Browns are riding the hype train, and there are plenty of instances of that train derailing. The Eagles “Dream Team,” the 2015 Colts, the Steelers pretty much every year since 2010, the 2017 Raiders…seriously, there are a lot of times that it happens. And people usually do say “pump the brakes”, but the calls get louder when the franchise hasn’t really justified all the hype by, say, at least making it to the playoffs, and they get a lot louder when the team is historically cursed. You’ll notice that not many people are picking the Chargers to win it all this year even though they were one of the best teams in the AFC last year.
It’s funny. And as a Browns fan, I can take a joke. We are goofy. I have been a fan for my whole life. It”s just the truth. My only issue is that Kitchens is the one telling the Media to chill out, and that we havent proven anything, yet. *shrug*
Can you do a comic on AB threatening to retire
As I said before, drama with AB writes itself.
Maybe he should star in an Asian drama.
I am on the Browns hype train as a Clevelander but don’t worry all the Browns things that can happen have already happened…in my head. I watched Mayfield back up into shotgun in the first preseason game and bump into the ref and thought “well, ACL tear, out for season..” all in the milisecond before he just bumped and then kept going. We will Browns it up im sure but as every year…we are hopeful. Go Browns! (Please dont everyone break themselves this season)
I don’t think the Browns will be that good either Dave, but they could lose every game they play against a team with a winning record and still win the AFC North at like 10-6 or so before getting blown out by the 5 seed in the wildcard round.
Surely that would be a huge accomplishment for them?
I am going to disagree on the Lamar Miller take. He was only given 210 carries for over 950 yards at a 4.6 yards per carry. Adding depth is always a good idea but Miller per carry was one of the best backs last year
I wouldn’t be surprised to see Cleveland go 10-6 and win the division or go 6-10 and fall into third or last. They will be fascinating to watch.